Finally let her go...

[waiting]

I think i finally did it. Said goodbye.

 

And i still dont know if she will come back. But its up to her now. She knows how i feel, and knows where i am should she ever want to try again.

 

But for now she needs to find out if she really loves him and if he is the one, and i cant be around while that is going on - hurts too much.

 

She said something interesting - she said every time she was with him, she felt me with her and she was always feeling like she was being made to compare us. Now we will see if she still feels me, even though i will be leaving her be for as long as she wants. Maybe forever.

 

We really do have a strong bond to each other. And I hope she finds that she values it as much as i do. But the last thing i can do for her to show my love, is to let her go and be with someone else. ouch...

 

Maybe she will find me again. I hope so. But if not i will always cherish the memories.

[roxtina]

Im in the same situation so I feel your pain very much, but i just found out that his new girl is moving in with him & here I thought it was a rebound since he started dating her 1 week after me (if you want my story is under Im so weak after being so strong). But like you said you have to let them go & hope maybe they will realize what they had with us. Stay strong and I hope you have a happy ending and/or beginning.

[HaloDestroyer]

Have faith in yourselves.

 

I can only hope that both your situations resolve in a manner that benifits all.

[Hope75]

You are smart to take care of yourself, and realize that having her come back is out of your hands, and it's not fair to wait around if she is with someone else.

 

Best of luck to you in the future.

[waiting]

Thanks guys. Yeah, its pretty scary to let go. I really dont know what will happen and that is the hardest part to deal with. I could make some sort of firm choice about my direction if i only knew one way or the other.

 

But I do know enough to make choices about now. She is with him, and I am not. thereforeeee, its up to me to make the best of a sad situation and try to enjoy what I do have. I just have to have faith that she will not forget me, and she will decide what she wants from me someday soon.

 

So in a way i will wait for her. But I will not be waiting for her to make my life enjoyable and complete - that bit I can do on my own.

[FCTex]

Applause....

 

I've come to grips with the same thing as you..

 

I can't do anything more than let her know how I feel. How I feel about her. How I love her, miss her, and loved every moment with her. I know she wont forget about me. She's got too much of me in her heart and mind. I know she might be dating other people. I've realized that maybe we're wanting different things..

 

I'm not waiting on her. I am, but I'm not. I'm going on the premise, that it's over for good. That her and I might still talk, or see each other from time to time in the future, who knows... I'm not dwelling on her making me happy anymore. I can do that. I'd love to share it with her, but thats her choice. I'm not contacting her. I'm not begging, I'm not doing anything. I'm for myself.

 

I've learned that everyday I need to remember this...

 

I don't need to wait on her to come back to me.. I need to do this for myself. Better myself. Learn, love, and cherish my good happy times and memories with her.. But move on. She's gone. For good, and maybe if she ever comes back, and realizes whats missing, I'll be surprised.. I wont be let down, I wont lose hope. Give it up now, and you can only start looking up, not down at things.. If she doesnt ever come around, your that much better off as a person, for bettering yourself, and living.

 

Best of luck everyone, it's a roller coaster ride.

[waiting]

Yep, thats pretty much it. Its pretty hard for me though, because I have 8 years of my life tied up in her. I am having to learn how to live all over again from scratch. But I am treating it as a challenge. And will have a whole lot more to offer her should she ever come home.

[yo]

Hey all,

 

I am in the same boat as you guys. It's so scary that life changes so quickly and when you least expect it. I haven't done anything wrong. I have always loved my ex and thought she did too. But I guess I was wrong..

 

I guess I just have to become the happy person I was before I met her. Like 'waiting' said it's going to be a challenge and I have to face it as there is no other option. I don't expect her to come back ever. I have to just move on. But right now I feel so hopeless and lost that I don't even know which way is forward. I hope things become better agian for all of us.

 

All the best, you guys. Stay STRONG!

[FCTex]

forward direction is looking back, and inside.

 

Hear me out if that doesn't make any sense..

 

Look inside yourself... Better yourself. Have some honest self realization, of yourself. There are reasons that your ex is.. well, of course your ex.. I have trouble thinking about it too. Her and I had an awesome realationship. 1 1/2 years... But things start to slip.. with everyone.. And while it might be a huge nasty break up, things do sway someone. Things happen.

 

Realize what you did, the things you said. Your actions, your emotions, your body language. Fix it. Do it for yourself though. Not for your ex.. Do it for the future..

 

And now, "looking back". Look back on your good times. Don't dwell on the bad stuff. Smile when you think of your ex. I find myself doing it when I think of her.. Just smile as big as you can.. Laugh.. Anything. But look back to BEFORE your ex. Be it 6 months back, 1 year, 8 years, 10... Anything. Look back before. Go back to things you gave up for your relationship. Everyone drops things.. Hobbies, friends.. etc.. Pick them back up.

 

Make yourself happy..

 

It does get better. I have my ups and downs. I was down last night. However. I havent contacted my ex. I wonder what she does on the weekends.. if she's out.. If she's got guys over to her place.. If she's kissed someone. I can't think of that. I can't pry, I can't question. It only makes it EASIER for YOU to HURT YOURSELF! Don't make it easy..

 

Just go by the old saying.. If it was meant to be, they'll come back. it's cheesy, but heck, I can't find anymore true words of wisdom.

 

They won't forget you.. Be comforted by that. Your feels, one time or a another right now, will/were theirs at once.. If you had an open honest, REAL relationship, and both loved each other, regardless.. They won't forget you. You wont forget.

 

Work on yourself... Do NC... And when they come looking for YOU! They'll not only see what they fell in love with.. But they've see what they missed. The change in you.. Whatever it might be. Add to that spark that you once showed your ex.. And who knows.. with time, you might realize you don't need them. They did their part to assist you in growing as a person, now add on, and show someone new, how awesome of a person you are.

[waiting]

Well, a couple of slips in the no contact thing on my part. Oh well, no damage done i think, except to make me feel like crap again.

 

I have been very firmly told that she does love me, is thinking about it, and is trying to decide if she will ever come back. So onwards i go, and try not to dwell on the maybes and what ifs.

 

Mum keeps telling me to stop giving her all the control. Wish it was that simple. But she does have the control now, and its not because i gave it to her, its just the way it is.

 

I still think there is a chance, but it will likely be a long way off. Time to get serious about no contact though. It still feels like a game in a way, but we both have agreed its for the best for now.

 

She keeps telling me that love isnt always enough. Maybe she is right. I feel that what we have is enough to build on and work through any other stuff. No one said it would be easy. And hopefully one day she will agree with me on that, but she has to weigh it up herself.

 

Anyway, for now she isnt here, and its time to be happy on my own for a while. I know it wont be forever, wether its her or someone else that comes into life.

[C.C.]

Waiting,

 

I can relate to your pain. I, too, let him go about 7 weeks ago even though there's no the other person in between.

 

It was then I started to get back to myself and to realize that I was too hard on myself after the break up. I think of him everyday, and still miss him, but I know that I will be fine without him in my life. It took me for four months to learn this. I am still hurt, but I am getting better. So will you if you really let her go.

 

I do believe that you do have the control now that you are letting her go because YOU made that decision, and I am proud of you. SuperDave said it the best: "and if you truly love the EX.....you will demonstrate that love by giving them what they ask for....freedom. "

 

Stay strong.

 

C.C.

[kungfumaster]

Well said to everyone in this thread... I applaud your strength and love to your former partners.

 

It will be alright. I can tell you this. Its a lesson you have to learn... life, and undoubtely, mature, healthy relationships are not that easy.

 

You have to see how hard and how sad it is, before you truly see and appreciate what life and relationships are all about - all the little things, not the big things.

 

Take care everyone, and God bless.

[CharlieGurl]

waiting,

 

i am interested in hearing more of your story. i am in a very similar situation. I was with my ex for 5 years, and for 2 years after that we still remained friends and have both had times where we felt we wanted to get back together, but unfortunately not at the same time.

 

He is now with someone else...for the first time since me. I want him back, and have told him, but he said he doesn't want to take any backwards steps. I don't know where this relationship will go with the new girl. I know they spend a lot of time together.

 

I am trying to let him move on, as he says we need to take some space between us.

 

how do you let go of something that's been a part of you for so many years? How do you rebuild your life without falling apart? I need to have some help...

[waiting]

Hi Daisy - long winded saga here...

 

link removed

 

My girl cant even say it would be a backward step. She is one confused girl, and unfortunately her confusion and inabality to decide what is the right thing to do is leaving me in a pretty sad position.

 

You might try what I'm doing - leave them in no doubt whatsoever about how you feel, and leave them to it. Maybe they will come back one day, but its way out of our control now. I cant say live on the assumption that they will never come back, because i cant while i think there is still hope. But, you can live life as if they are gone for now, and who knows what the future holds.

[bronx_brawla]

I hope she comes back to you man.

I'm almost in the same boat as you. But im not too sure if my girl is seeing this guy. All i know is that shes talkin to him.

 

I'm still not over this girl. And like you and your girl...we had such a strong bond with eachother. Stronger than any other girl. But the difference between my situation and yours is that my girl used to lie all the time to me...and still does even though we're not together. Fcuked up right??...

--But you know what?...after all her hurting me...i still love her and haven't let her go. I guess i care for her way more than she cares for me. Call me crazy.

 

I'm still learning that theres nothing i can do to change anything. But it seems like your handleing it pretty well. good 4 u

---Good Luck

 

[waiting]

[. But it seems like your handleing it pretty well.

 

Jury is still out on that one... But after 15 or so months, I have had a lot of practice in dealing with it. Still rips me apart though.

 

Am hoping a bit of NC will help that. Wont change how i feel, but hopefully not having her relationship with him in my face all the time will make it easier. I hope.

 

Plus, NC is the one thing left i havent tried yet. And its not as if i have anything to lose.

[auburnslp]

wait, wait, wait...your ex-love actually said..."love sometimes isn't enough"?????? Well friend, that should say it all, if you can just step back and separate for one moment from the pain you are feeling...

I am sure she said a whole bunch more-maybe just enough to keep you hanging around...but please, please, take a deep breath, and take a serious moment here, and consider the implications of that statement...and here is my humble opinion of it...

Love is always, always, always enough. If it is there, and if it is true, shared, reciprocated by both, then it is always enough. It is only when it is not equal, or even not there for one of the two, that there are problems. I am sure she loves you at some level, but if she actually spoke those words, then she can't love you at the level that you are offering her...

And, in that, here is my only possible words of wisdom...and take them with a grain of salt-because I have learned some things on my walk, and I am clueless about almost everything-but,...one of the few things that my experience has taught me is this-if you are ever in an inequitable, unbalanced, unfair relationship, regarding the amount of love, care, emotion, devotion, etc., that you are giving, walk, or even better yet, run away, like hell. Take every moment to heal that you need-for me it seemed like forever-thought it would never end. But it does. Took me well over a year. But she might come back-and you might take her back. But unless there is just some kind of very temporary insanity on her part that led her to the recent feelings of not wanting to be with you, well, this is hard, but chances are it just will never work. I lived this. And it is worse when we try to fit a square peg into a round hold. Just prolongs the inevitable misery.

I am in no way discounting how you feel. Trust me, please, that I know it exactly. Have been there and have been on this site for now almost a year and a half. I feel for what you are going through and I most definitely wish for you the most speedy and healthy way out of all of it. Just wanted to throw a perspective out to you, maybe one you hadn't heard or considered...my best...Michael

[waiting]

Dont worry, i have been through all that a million times. And if this was any normal girl, i would have run like you suggested.

 

I am able to give her a large amount of leeway on this because she needs it, having a lot of issues with love and emotional barriers that i wont go into.

 

And love is not always enough. It shouldnt let you ignore a bunch of things, like cheating, violnce etc. BUT, it should be enough to work on the relationship. Just because the love is there doesnt mean it will be easy, and will always work out. A relationship, regardless of the love involved, still needs to be worked on - always.

 

And my girl, like everyone else, loves in her own way. So it may or may not be an equal thing, just different.

 

She doesnt know if she loves me enough to want to try again. And that is what it will be - trying. I cant promise it will work, or that the love will be enough. But i can promise i will do everything in my power to work on it, and to hold onto it. She just has to want to join me in that. And a big part of her still does - i know that. So i can only hope the part of her that is rebelling against the idea will lose out....

[auburnslp]

well then I just will wish you the absolute best...I agree that every relationship takes work...but you know, I hope you know, that real and true love just maybe shouldn't be this hard...or this painful...again, my best, and I hope you get what you are hoping for...Michael

[waiting]

No where in the fine print does it say life will be easy... Some things arent worth the stress, and some are.

[Bobby101]

Think I have finally let go aswell, what a relief !

 

I decided to try and capture what I went through tp get there though.

 

Dont know if this helps but this was just my experience and my reactions ;

 

I have to say though the last couple of days have been brilliant. Feel like my ships really turning around - my moment of clarity.

 

If I could give advice to any of you guys, I would say ;

 

1. Go through the pain, try and control yourself and your emotions at that time. Very hard though....very hard. You may do a few things that you are not proud off, if you do dont be hard on yourself. Its very hard to REALLY take advice from link removed at this stage. You got to do what you gotta do; deal with it your own way.

 

2. You'll feel lonely, isolated, confused that you got to deal with all this crap. No hope. Friends / Family are just voices, you cant listen because you got this all playin on your mind. No escape and you cant run away from it.

 

3. Dont drink dudes, this will only accelerate the anxieties you want to illeviate.

 

4. Get busy. Be proud of yourself. Respect yourself. She/He was not worth going through points 1 and 2....again...and again - Chin Up !

 

5. Get out the house (being in the house drove me mad - too many constant reminders !) Drive your car, take a walk. Do something that scares you that you always wanted to do.

 

6. RELAPSE - well it happens ! probably end up at point 1 and 2 again this time with fresh fuel for your overactive minds fire ! Guilt, regret perhaps some understanding sets in. Anxious ? Nervous ? No confidence ? Weak ?

UNDERSTAND - the carpet has been hauled from under your feet. Your still in shock. This is your minds way of trying to comprehend the situation. Its normal to feel a whole range of intense and varying emotions.

 

7. Get yourself back on track, time heals so much. You start to get used to your new life, you climatise. Still hard though as you still have feelings for your ex. Pain will subside a little.

 

8. THIS WAS NOT ALL YOUR FAULT. Did your ex seem to get over all this quicker than you ? did they not seem to be in as much pain as you ? Well guys you didnt go to hell and back for nothing....your healing and understanding more about who you are as a person. Your ex only mearly moved out of a relationship for their own reasons. Their reflection period happens later down the line - perhaps when they are alone and they hit rock bottom. Most of us got to go through this. If you havent been rock bottom then good luck to you in the big wide world !

 

Its should be your goal to improve try not to feel sorry for yourself - you will snap out of this !

 

9. TRANSITION PERIOD - I have just come out of this limbo 2 days ago. That was a strange place to be but again part of the healing process. Please friends dont be worried about being alone forever - you wont. You got to have hope though. Hope turns into dreams, dreams turn into goals, goals give you direction which inturn gives you the confidence to proceed.

 

You'll attract so many people along the way and ultimately you'll be happy with your life. I WISH THIS FOR ALL OF YOU.

 

10. CLARITY - so what you made some mistakes. Think of these as learning opportunites. Dont concern yourself with their life. Is she/he happier with their new bf/gf - who cares. You can find your own happiness.

On your own. You went through all this pain and now you can handle anything. You will feel better as each day passes - this is all a matter of time. Your relieved of this burden, a burden you could not control. manipulate or influence in your favour. You survived your breakup. Hears to the future.

[C.C.]

Great post, Doug!

 

C.C.

[rascal]

yup, great post. i find it amazing that my visits here always put me in a better mood.