Recommended for anyone wanting to get back with their ex

[Mix Maxster]

Insight to pathway to self-improvement (Moving on & getting yourself back on track) by Max

Harris-Janz

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First of all, I'm most certainly pleased that you are reading this because it shows that on some level you are interested to see how this may or may not benefit you and your situation.

 

Second I would like to say that it's "cool" that some look up to others on this forum as a means of support, advice or causation for taking certain actions. Now where I think the line should be drawn is when one doesn't distinguish personal opinion over actual fact no matter how convincing it may be.

 

I'm no better by trying to boast my self-proclaimed philosophies and theories behind what one SHOULD or SHOULD NOT do in such a situation. However, eventhough I am not an expert and my advice shouldn't be taken as being literal, it still holds water because of the basis behind it.

 

In no way am I trying to discredit anyone else nor am I trying to make myself out to be right, but rather trying to shed light on a very key area of development that I feel is often overlooked.

 

Put more simply, I feel that one often misses the importance to recognize and understand how developing ones understanding can further perpetuate ones journey to become complete as an

individual. Most will agree that it's important to at least learn something from a relationship should it fail. Especially in the case of being dumped by their beloved ex.

 

It isn't a case of saying it's your fault or their fault or even that you both are at fault and had some play in the break-up. Moreover, what really should be said and focused on is that "this

is a wake-up call for me to do something that I DIDN'T WANT to and didn't do before". It really helps to know what one could or could not have done differently or what one should or should not

have done differently in that relationship. It's also critical NOT to take it to the point where there is REGRET involved because what's done is done and you CANNOT blame yourself for what

happened. Simply because it isn't your fault, for, you did what you did because it was right at the time. Doing so will elude you from what the primary goal is, that is to develop yourself

into a more well-rounded and understanding individual.

 

Allowing yourself to become consumed with remorse will cause you to fail at successfully surpassing this roadblock in your life (moving on and possibly getting them back down the road).

 

Now many of you may be searching for a way to recapture what you once had and may be so determined at doing so that you completely sacrifice who you are as an individual. Why would one want to throw away everything they are for the sake of trying to preserve hope or get a chance at rekindling the relationship you two shared? To do that for someone who simply does not wish to reciprocate the same means would mean that they don't value themselves enough.

 

The more you place someone on a pedastal the less worthy you feel and the more worthless you'll end up feeling. We all know deep down that such a place is where no one truly wants to be, but we put ourselves there when we negate our value and self-worth. That feeling is one of the worst

feelings I have ever felt. Its easy to think back to all those bad times you two shared and think of what you could have done differently, but that kind of thought will plague your mind and make you feel like a fool for not having made different, albeit better, choices. Its important that you make peace with whatever it is that you did in your past and if it bugs you that much, that you vow never to continue to make such decisions or allow such behaviours to arise again and see to it that they don't.

 

Who you will end up being is someone they may have seen in you on the inside from the very beginning or perhaps now they're seeing someone they hoped you'd turn out to be in the end. Does this sound a tad bit selfish and unreasonable on their part; that they NOW have someone that

THEY wanted and didn't accept prior? Yes, depending on how you look at it because really that part suggests that you changed for them, but because that wasn't your motivation behind all this, that simply is irrelevant. Because it's more important what you think and believe and who

you are being than what they think of you or if they will accept you.

 

I can't tell you what to do to improve per se, but what I can do is tell you that its critical to go over yourself in a very hypercritical way and to do so in a very understanding and caring way, so as not to invoke any negative outcomes. For if you go at it the wrong way, you may never

move past this hurdle in your life and may beat yourself down for the rest of your life. That is what you want to recognize before it happens and simply take the second to stop yourself from doing before you continue spiraling down the wrong path.

 

I personally think that our ex's would be unreasonable to wish that you be a certain way and feel that they are being realistic to ask that you do it as opposed to being appreciative and thankful that you care for them and understand them that deeply, that you'd take the liberty to be so considerate as to take on such an arduous, insurmountable task just because you understand that you missed that aspect when you were with them. That they could never ask that of you because of its vast size, but that you actually took the liberty to do it on your own. Now I have to be careful with the way I word this as this is borderline saying that you're doing this for them when really it's trying to suggest that it was always there on the inside and that we knew on the inside that we should change, but that we never did until they gave us the motivation to do so. Changing because of them, not FOR them.

 

This isn't the case for everyone, but on some level this isn't too far-fetched as many, if not all of us, will have at some point become all too familiar with a relationship or will get "comfortable" and feel that we don't "have" to do anything because we count on the fact that we

will be together with them no matter what, either consciously or subconsciously (and no matter how wrong that sounds). And although it was never our intention to have it come to this point, we simply were poor souls that just didn't know any better.

 

I can't say that we are victims of our own self-made debacle, but I can say that we at least have the opportunity to learn from our mistakes and supersede our shortcomings. We may not have known about our ill-fated destiny, but if that's the case then nothing is stopping us from taking those steps now that we are aware of such mistakes. Some may consider this all being too hard on oneself, but if you put it into perspective I feel we all too easily try to validate our behaviours as being acceptable and get off easy because "we can't help it", when really we can help it but just choose not to.

 

With that said, I believe that if you can understand everything that I have said up to this point that you will finally do the "right thing" and make necessary changes in your life and to yourself. Even if the change takes you till the end of your life, it's important to recognize that you're doing something exceptionally remarkable just for taking the first step to change.

 

I hope that this has been most helpful and insightful to you all, as trying to help others improve their lives and get back on track after they have been dumped, is exactly what I aimed at doing. We are all in this together, truly, and I think it's important that people share their knowledge with others after they've reached a new milestone. I also think it's vital that if we truly loved our exes, that we take an equal amount of energy to understanding them fully and do what they never could imagine us ever doing. Eventhough they may never come back to enjoy the

new you OR see the steps you took to improve, be happy it won't die in vain as the next person you love will reap the rewards of being in the company of such a great person that actually took the time and exorbitant amount of energy to do what many of us never would do.

 

Max

[skyjuice]

Hi Max,

 

Great article and great inspiration you have there.

 

My question is how to understand our exes?

He never come to let me understand him.

Would it be wise to discuss with your ex on why this relationship does not work out? If so, what is the suitable timing?

 

Thank you.

[pablovblack]

Max, This was a very nice article indeed. Well done and thanks.

[Caterina]

I liked this, also. It puts more control into the hands of someone who has been devastated by the pain of a break-up.