Please help, need advice

[dmvcc1]

To keep a long story short, i have been dating an great girl for about 10 months. We have a bit of history together. We dated for about a year almost 6 years ago and broke up because we were both very young. In the time that we were apart (4 years) she had someones baby...the someone happened to be the person who was the reason for us breaking up in the first place. During the time that we were apart, we still hung out and talked with each other as hard as it was. 10 months ago we got back together, i am crazy about her daughter and love her more that anything. Everything has been great until 3 weeks ago and we finally talked last night. She does not doubt the way that she feels about me, but she says that things have moved way too fast and it bothers her. I have told her that I cannot just be friends with her anymore like we did before. We both love each other very much but If we did not work out, I would never get over her...she says that she will not be able to not talk or see me....WHAT DO WE DO>....my heart is breaking right now and I am so sad..so is she....last night was the first time we saw each other in 2 weeks...she is very confused and scared and does not know what to do but says that we have to figure this out. Any advice is helpful. Thank you

[SwingFox]

Hello dmvcc1,

 

First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us for seeking advice. I am sorry to hear what you are going through at the moment. I understand that you have been with a lady for 10 months and that she has doubts at the moment.

 

The first thing that I would advice you guys, is to find out what exactly her doubts are. How does she feels exactly and why does she have those doubts? Those answers seem to be the key to solve this problem. It needs open and honest communication from both of you, without firing blames left and right towards each other. Listen to one another and try to understand.

 

If you find out some more backgrounds, you might be able to advice her or she might be able to advice you. This might be the key to solve this whole problem.

 

I hope that this will help you a little and I wish you guys good luck.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[Heretic]

This is the typical "I'm in a good relationship time to freak out about it" scenario.

 

Contrary to popular belief both men and women have these panic attacks. They can be bought on for a number of reasons... but mostly it's just cold feet. What's important to realize is the next few months will make or break your relationship.

 

It's important to give her the time and space she needs but stress the importance of you being friends no matter how hard it will be to do so. If you guys manage to stay friends their should be a chance of rekindling the old flame.

 

Being friends doesn't mean seeing each other everyday, but it does mean keeping in touch. Talk at least once a week and no more then once a day, unless she feels like it. Leave the ball in her court and never talk about the relationship, even when she does.

 

After awhile you can start to move in again and get to be closer and maybe even intimate.

 

Best of luck. Just give it time.

[dmvcc1]

thank you for the response....we did talk last night and she is concerned with jumping immediately from a bad relationship into ours...I know for a fact that she has never had someone treat her the way I do...never been with anyone as stable as I am...and she questions whether she is in this because she wants to be or because I was there and it is easy because it is me....she has told me it will be impossible not to talk to me...this is a person I have not gone more than 4-5 days without talking to in 7 YEARS!!!! how do you overcome that...again, she does not doubt the way she feels about me, but doubts why we have moved so quickly....she is not ready for this and is very confused..she has let me and has wanted me to become attached to her child as well...and I have and miss her baby a great deal...last night was the first time we saw each other in 2 weeks and I asked her how she felt and she said, sad, empty, lonely and that she misses me very much....then she said, but I am not sure that is a bad thing....i dont know what she meant by that but I would think that yeah, that is not a bad thing...if she didnt feel any of those things, there would be nothing to resolve. I am so sad and confused