What the heck is going on with my feelings

[Bizw]

Hello Everyone, Quick recap of my story. I'm 23 shes 21, we've been together for five yrs. During the past yr theres been alot of problems, we've split up and got back together at least 4 times. Everytime I think shes gone for good she ends up coming back.

 

One week ago it happened again, we got into an argument and she said its over. We talked the next day and agreed that I needed to do some thinking and we'd get together in several days and talk about what I thought about.

Well, we got together and had a nice dinner and everything was going nicely until we got back to my place. She told me that she had met someone that shes really attracted too and intends on getting to know him better. I was kind of taken back since she seemed intent on having me do some thinking while at the same time she had fallen for someone else.

 

Heres we're I'm at fault and we're I get confused. When we're together I could care less what happens with us at times. Its like when we get back together I think "This is what I spent the last month being so depressed over" Not all the time but some times I just feel like theres got to be more to a relationship than what we have. I mean we really love eachother but sometimes it just seems like we dont connect right or something.

 

I know the cliche "you dont know what you had tell its gone" and I diffentaly think it does apply here. But it still seems so weird that when we're together I dont think its all that great and when we're apart I feel like my world is ending and get so down and out.

 

I didnt show her that I appricated her when we were together and now I think she really has found someone that she likes. I have nobody to blame but myself. Either way this is so hard even though I've been through it with her so many times. The thought of her doing the things we used to do with eachother with someone else is so painful. I think I've told her what I can and shes sick of hearing, she's heard it all before. She told me that she's moved on and its over this time. Shes said it all before and still come back but this time I think shes really into this new guy she met.

 

Any thoughts on why I care so little when we're together and care so much when we arent? Any advice on something I could say to her. She knows how much I love her but she just feels like we've grown apart to much. I know I need to face reality and relize that I probobly lost her but just wondering if anyone had any advice. I do think in all honesty that some time apart is needed, I just feel like shes going to meet this guy that she falls in love with and I never see her again.

 

This is my one and only serious realtionship, I know that is part of what is making it hard. I've never had to move on from someone. Any advice you guys could give would be much appriecated.

[Demond34]

I don't really have any advice I can give you, but I know what you're feeling. With how you say, when you're together and feel that theres no connection between the two of you when you're together but when she's gone, its like you're so hopeless and devastated. I've been there.

 

Like you, my relationship was also 5 yrs. We would have great times when we'd hang out and I really appreciated spending time with her as much as i can. But at the same time as time went on, it got dull and mundane even though we did tons of different things together. Love was there, but it seemed something was always missing. I also could care less what happened with us at times.

 

After she broke up, i was lost and down. I really missed her. We did eventually get back together, she came back and I asked the same ? you did. I spent all this time feeling depressed for this. It just wasn't the same. I was working on the things I needed to change, cuz i was at fault for alot, but she had her quirks too. But she did nothing to try to work thru this. Now she is distancing herself again and I see it with clearer eyes. For us to work, I need to let her go, longer than a month and see if Love does bring us back. Again it devastates me to no end it seems, but I look at it differently now.

 

Maybe this is what the both of us need to travel on our own paths and see what the future holds without the influence of either of us.

 

You're sort of in the same boat, I am, considering you got involved at a young age and been together for 5 years and shes the one that broke it off, mainly because of our actions. Maybe you need to be away from her to see if shes who you really want to be with and vice versa. Sorry not to give you anything wiser. If I knew, I'd be alot better off.

[skyjuice]

Hi Bizw,

 

I didnt show her that I appricated her when we were together

 

Try to show her that you care for her.

 

why I care so little when we're together and care so much when we arent?

 

It is because people tend to take things for granted. This is a normal human behaviour.

 

Heres we're I'm at fault and we're I get confused.

and

 

sometimes it just seems like we dont connect right or something.

 

Well, both of you bear the responsibility of making the relationship work. Try to find out what is missing in the relationship before it is too late.

 

This is my 2 cents, hope it helps.