in love and confused

[cleophis]

I've been with my boyfriend off and on for 6 months. The first few months were great. We have fun together, we have so much in common. I can tell him anything and totatlly be myself with him. He's everything I could want but, he's not exactly the guy I see myself spending my life with. I'm at a poing in my life where I want to get married. Not anytime soon but I atleast want to know in my heart that this is the one for me. So we spent a couple months apart while I tried to figure out if this is the relationship I want to be in. we dated other people but nothing panned out. We decided a couple weeks ago to give it another try. But I'm still not sure. As I said before he is everything I'm looking for. He's just not who I pictured ending up with. Now I'm torn, I don't know if I should just be happy with what I have, or tell him I'm still not sure and end things definitely, and risk losing the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. And if we break up I may never find that ideal guy I want. And if I do find someone else who's to say he would be the one. I know my boyfriend loves me very much and I love him, I just don't know if I'm just so scared of being alone that I'm settling which isn't fair to either one of us.

 

What should I do?

[DoorMouse]

I don't know if I'm exactly comfortably replying to this, but I'll try. Fear and worry is a normal part of decision making. If you're not happy, your relationship will not suceed. You need to take time for yourself and think about the long term effects marrying someone you're not sure of will have on your life.

[BillyJean714]

I'm in the same boat as you. I also do want to date someone who could be potentially the one for the rest of my life.

 

Maybe it's instinctive- our biological clock is ticking!

 

Anyway, my best advice to you is to be true to yourself. If the relationship is on and off, it doesn't seem to be very stable. Sure, he's all that you want in a partner, but perhaps he doesn't quite touch your heart the way that you wish he could? Maybe the connection isn't quite there?

 

Ideally, I think we all want to be with someone who we feel that deep connection with minus all of the b.s.- superficial things that don't matter (i.e. the material things, the outward qualities of your partner). I think we all want someone who compliments us. Someone who adds zest to our lives, someone who motivates us to become stronger, happier, and more whole as a person. Sure, we should be happy with our own self, but if someone adds spice to our life, then that person is the person we keep.

 

My friend says it best: when you meet the right person, you just know..

[BellaDonna]

I think if he was "the one"...you'd know. It's normal to question any decision a little bit- however you seem to already have your mind made up about him. The 2 key things you said were:

 

He's just not who I pictured ending up with.

 

IF you truly wanted to be his wife- you would not use the terms "ending up".... you'd be estatic to spend the rest of your life with him.

 

I'm just so scared of being alone that I'm settling which isn't fair to either one of us.

 

Again, you don't sound too enthusiastic....

 

This tells me he's not "the one" for you. I think it's unfair to string him along and rather selfish to keep him around in case you don't find better.

 

You're intelligent enough to listen to your feelings. Too many people get married for the worng reasons and divorce later. Be true to your feelings and I'm sure you're future will be everything you dreamed it would be. Do not settle for less. The longer you wait to end it- the more this will hurt him.

 

BellaDonna

[sarangeh]

Its hard to take a risk. I know that kind of feeling. The feeling that you know he has all the qualities that you look for in the guy but the spark isnt there. You care for him and do feel something for him, but its not just enough to make you feel that he is the one for you.

 

I was in the same situation and is too scared to let go and scared of the idea that I might loose something good that I already have. I felt to comfortable to let go. But in fact, I wasn't really THAT happy. I do know I cared and i felt love, but its just not enough, coz the the spark and chemistry is not there.

 

If you are not sure in what you feel for him, think twice before you settle with him. Ask yourself, if you wanted something more in your relationship, coz let me tell you its soo different if you are in a relationship with a guy who you share a ONE GREAT connection, spark, chemistry. And you will know it. You will know that he is the one. when the right person comes.

[cleophis]

Thank you all for your advice. You told me pretty much what I already knew but needed to hear from someone else I guess.

 

I talked with my boyfriend last night and told him I was still having doubts. That obviously something wasn't right if I was having these feelings. So we decided it was best to go our separate ways.

 

It sucks, but if it's not right, it's not right. There's nothing either of us could have done.