will i ever find the "One" ???

[swampy]

hello,

first time posting here. my dilemma is it seems as though i'll never find the right woman for me, hell, i can't even really get a date right now. I am divorced with a 5 year old Daughter,(she lives with her mom) the divorce was painful, my ex-wife is a b....!!!! we got married because she was pregnant. It just seems as though I never have a connection with woman i find attractive, nothing.. nada . zip. All the women i would be attracted to are usually taken or already married, or just never there, wherever i am, that is!!! It just seems like it's never going to happen to me. I know i should not dwell on this, but it just has me wondering quite abit. what the hell is wrong with me, sometimes it's like women don't even notice me. I am told i'm attractive and have alot going for me. alot , actually, that's even more frustrating in itself!!! To top things off, i'm 37 not getting any younger. I am musician that does not play in a band at the moment.. maybe that will help some, when i do start again. i feel cursed sometimes, in the "finding someone department" I will have a new home soon and i am going back to school to become a programmer, it's not like i don't have anything going for me.. it so frustrating. I've never experienced the true love thing, i have no idea what's it's like? all of my other past relationships were just not real and never lasted,it's like they were always looking for someone else, i was not good enough... yet people that are asses, insensitve, disqusting, and just plain rude have women all over them. I'll stop the pity party now.. I just don't get it..

 

Swampy

[Aueft]

Eventually, you'll find her.

[benevolent]

As cliche as this sounds it usually happens when you're not expecting it. I do hear where you are coming from though. After re-entering the dating world after 6 years, I've noticed such a dramatic change that you sometimes wonder where all the good, normal women have gone to. The reality of course is that there are a lot of single moms out there that carry unresolved issues, there's people that are coming off a bad break-up or divorce that are compelled to "get back on the horse" without healing themselves, there's psychos and weirdos, but on the flip side there are good ones out there too. It just takes time.

 

While there are women who will fawn themselves over every jerk and moron in town, realize that is only a temporary deal and definitely not one where true love exists. Why that happens - only God knows, but some women like the bad boy or try to change them. Ultimately though, the need for love - true love settles in and that is something you can't get from a jerk.

 

Maybe you need to expand your social circle or network and just try to date more casually or hang out at the very least. Are you finding this everywhere you go or are the unavailable women limited to a certain locale like bars or clubs. Again maybe you should expand your areas - like a bookstore, gym, supermarket. I even hear the Wal-Mart is doing some kind of dating thing.

 

Sounds like you have a lot of good qualities for you so I'm sure something is bound to happen. I think the fact that you play in a band may score extra points. A woman once picked me up after I went to a music store in a local mall and was testing out guitars. I'm only a beginner, but was playing some basic scales and chords and she said she really liked how I played and that led to exchanging numbers and eventual dating. I eventually ended it because I just wasn't feeling "it" anymore, but we're still pretty good friends.

 

It'll happen.

 

Good luck with all this.

[swampy]

thanks for responding Aueft and Benelovent,

anyone else have any feedback or advice?

[Alabama]

Simple: Wait and have Patience. You usually find someone when your not looking. As for why this is, I have yet to fathom it myself. But, good luck!

[ShySoul]

"And it seemed to me the pain would last

My chance for happiness had passed

And nothing waited ’round the bend

I was sure I’d never find someone

To heal the damage you had done

And my poor heart would never mend

Wrong again...

Wrong again"

 

- Martina Mcbride, "Wrong Again"

[sandman47]

hello,

I've never experienced the true love thing, i have no idea what's it's like? all of my other past relationships were just not real and never lasted,it's like they were always looking for someone else, i was not good enough... yet people that are asses, insensitve, disqusting, and just plain rude have women all over them. I'll stop the pity party now.. I just don't get it..

 

Swampy

 

My experience parallels yours in many ways and I'm 48. I keep hearing about the when you least expect it it will happen. Well I'm still waiting. I'd really like to find a woman who was mature enough to never want the jerk.

[SexySadie7]

Sandman I'm in the same boat as you too.. I'm in my 40s.. and am starting to wonder if i should just give up.. I meet guys who find me attractive.. but usually I am not attractive to them either OR they are just looking for short term roll in the hay..

I don't know what the heck has happened to the dating scene, but it's a jungle out there, literally.

I am intelligent..funny, caring person.. but i have NO CLUE where to meet a nice, decent, attractive guy anywhere near my age.

I go out to nightclubs but most of the people there are in their 20s and very early 30s.. too young for me...

I have thought about joining a gym.. at least i'd be getting in better shape... although i'm pretty fit now...

I am planning on going back to school.. which i sort of dread.. cuz i'll be surrounding by very young people again..lol..... but at least it will be mentally stimulating.

I play music too.. and go out all the time to play with people.. not professionally, but in this town.. it seems you can find guys if you are cute, 20ish and gorgeous.. but after that.. you are sort of out of luck.

I think I may move soon anyway. .... as it has gotten soooo expensive to live in my area anyway.

Does anyone know which is a good dating online site that doesn't make you pay like $20 a month just to answer messages back from other members?

[sandman47]

Sadie, I have no clue as to where to meet a female my age or younger. Yeah, the quick response is volunteering or learning to dance. But I just want to be able to meet a woman and get to know her. People do this all the time don't they, like meet at work or at the store or wherever? Since I'm the male and must be the hunter I want to be able to hunt. No women have made the first move on me. I know moving to an area with more younger people improves my chances and that's something I will do. The area I'm in right now is sooooooooooooooo old. And yet people here still meet and fall in love.

 

Someone suggested that I use the principle of "Just Enough" as in what will be just enough money to pay my bills or just enough of a love to be what I want. A woman need not look like Charlize Theron, but I want a true love and I'll not settle for just enough.