It's long, but bear with me :)

[vanhonk2x]

Well, I just met this guy. He's 28 and I'm 18, well 19 soon, but big difference. The thing is, I've never dated anyone before...really. He's very, very attractive physically and though I'm not sure if we connect mentally as yet (it's too soon), he's a really sweet and caring man. He's intelligence, knowledgeable, with a good head on his shoulder, and a successful business venture. Kinda too good to be true kind of man, and oddly enough, he's actually attracted to me enough to want to know me better. Lord knows why since I only just gotten through my first year of college and am just feeling my way. Then there is my parents. They really do not want me to have a love life until I'm officially done with school. Considering that I'm still living with them, I guess I have to follow their dictates. But I really don't want to give up this guy since I think he's kinda worth it. I want to give it a try and see where it leads, but with my parents in the way, that seems impossible. I try so many times to convince them to let me make my own mistakes, but it's like talking to a brick wall. I don't want to just leave because that feels like running away and will probably not solve anything. Besides, I really, really do not want a rift between me and my parents for my own selfish satisfaction. What sort of example will that set for my siblings as well or maybe they'll just be very disappointed in me. Gosh, what a dilemma. You know, I figure I be leaving home at 18, and here I am, still forced to live under the same lifestyle my parents dictate. It's not that I'm incapable to making my own way now since I suppose I have more options, they just FORCED me to stay home as it is more convenient financially than at a dorm or rent my own apartment. Supposedly I'll still need protection from all the evil men out there *rolls eyes*. I know I'm not invincible, but I should think that I'm not such an idiot to make bad decisions on my own. Should I just leave? Of course, if I do, I'm afraid my mother's health, which never been actually bad, but neither is it good either, will worsen. However, if I stay, and continue telling myself (like I did in high school) 3 more years, 2 more years, 1...I'll say that for the rest my life, because they'll never let me go. Of course, then I have to give up my fantasy man as they won't allow me to see guys my own age let alone a Caucasian (I'm asian-and why does race always matter to parents?) male 10 years my senior...I don't want to destroy such an important relationship, but I do want to formulate new ones as well.

[thewriterslife]

My advice to you would be to take it slow. Use your gut instincts to decide what's best for you. If it doesn't "feel" right, it ain't right, I always say. You're still young, although you are officially an adult. You want to spread your wings yet you want to do so at your own pace and not be thrown into something you're not comfortable with. Sometimes we do too much thinking into decisions when we should rely on our first gut instinct. I'm getting a mental picture that you come from a home where there is love and that is a strong force and I feel that you want to keep things the same as they always have been with you and your parents, but yet you are preparing yourself to spread those wings and take flight. Believe me when I say this, your "dream" man is one of many who will come into your life and every one serves a purpose to attain higher self. I know this sounds new agey to you right now, but as you go through the rest of your life, you'll know what I'm talking about. But, your mother, father and sister are also your "soul" partners in the respect that you need them to attain higher self, too. I guess my advice to you would be to sit down and have a talk with one of your "soul" partners and get their respective on the situation. It may bring new light to the situation. You'll be off to college soon and armed with this information you gleam from these "soul" partners, you'll be able to accept these new challenges and potential soul mates that come into your life. The more you experience in life, the better able you are to meet these obstacles just as you are bumping up against right now. Bottom line, trust your instincts. If it feels right, then it's right. If it doesn't, then there's a reason even though it's unclear at the moment. Everything will end up working out the way it's planned to work out as long as you trust your innerself and make the right decisions based on what "you" feel and what "you" know is right for you. Hope I didn't make this more confusing, but bottom line, trust yourself in knowing you will make the right decision. Good luck, sweetie, life can be confusing especially when you're young, but it will all work out in the end.

 

Dorothy

link removed

[Kurodashi]

Have your parents met him yet? If you bring him around to your house, maybe he can convince your parents that he is responcible and mature enough to know when to let you study, and when you enjoy your time.

Older men are usually a fantastic choice for your first partner as they are generally more mature and experienced in the ways of the world.

 

As for the age gap, it won't make a bar of difference in a bad way. It's mostly positives. I know 3 relationships with the exactly same ages, and they were all long and fuffilling. One lasted in tears when the younger girl cheated, but I blame that on her immaturity. The other two are still together, and one is getting married. It's not that bad from my experience.

 

You're aloud to date now you are a young lady you should be aloud to make your own decisions. However, to convince your parents of this you simply need to show them your maturity and responcibility for your actions.

 

Stay, don't leave your family. If the guy doesn't work out you WILL need their support - remember - Family ALWAYS comes first!

Try your best not to fight with them, and drop his name lots, then start inviting him around. Gradually they should get to like him (if he is a nice guy, because parents are the best judges of maturity in your partner when youre young - even though none of us listen when we are young lol). Once they enjoy his company, tell them you have gone on dates...

And if you decide to go steady, choose the right momment, and invite him over for dinner. Then explain the situation clamly.

 

Just be gentle with it and all should go well. Good Luck.

[vanhonk2x]

If it's only that simple that I can actually talk to them and they'll understand. I feel that I'm responsible enough to make my own decisions, but my parents simply don't see that. Getting good grades, making it through my first year of college with little difficulties, and being generally on top of things is just never good enough. Subtlety never works with them, so the only way I see to make them see reason is to drop the biggest bombshell I could think of, leaving. It's not like I'm going to live with this guy or get married or something stupid...just get a place of my own. Besides, that's also a way of compromising my freedom, which is already hard earned as it is. Seriously, I can't imagine having anything sweeter than to have my own place, be my own woman and not have my privacy invaded whenever someone feel like snooping. Of course I never really have anything that can be construed as "bad', but I still wish they could have some trust in me. I have never, ever done anything that could possibly cause them to be so vigilance yet it's still not good enough. I'm also the first generation to actually attend college here, so of course, there is no other older siblings who could have possibly traumatize them enough to be such tyrants. *Sigh*...Leaving is also difficult. If I tell them, they'll kill me on the spot, but if I just leave a note, they'll probably never talk to me again, but that's the only safe alternative since at least I'm out from under their thumbs. I still don't know what to do...in heart, I want to leave and find out if I can make it on my own, be as strong the many independent woman I have ever met, but my head told me it's wiser to remain here and just let whatever happens, happens...and just let life past me by and other people go on to do greater things while all I can do is dream. Gosh, when did I ever become such a drama queen...I'm always so level headed.