what happened? i hate this.

[QTpie87]

well I am now to the point where I dont' want to even be around anyone. at all. I'm scared I will hurt someone. so scared! i wont go into too much detail, but my sister and I got into a fight earlier today and after like literally 5 min of just sitting there ignoring the rocks being thrown at me and the name calling and swearing, I lost it. I got up and all I can remember is coming out of my black out holding my sister by her hair under the water in the river. I don't know how long I was out but It coudln't have been too long cause my cousin alex was running at us into the river screaming for me to let her go and I was going to kill her. when I realized what was going on I let her go right away and just started holding her back so we would stop fighting, she continued which is understandable and alex came and separated us apart. I don't know what to do with myself. I get so angry and I am now starting to black out and not remember what I did, I don't remember anything but going at her, and then waking up.

I don't want to be around anyone now, im so afraid i'll hurt them.

please help.

Qtpie87

[darkblue]

Seek help.

 

Councilling or therapy. You have anger issues.

[QTpie87]

Yeah I know that I do, but the last time I tried to go to anger managment It only made things worse. I don't know what to do. I took it for a long time I did, I didn't react as fast as I usually would have I just sat there and took it but then I just lost it and then I woke up in the river. I don't knwo why it's like this or what's happening, i don't want to be so angry.

I love my sister, what if I would have hurt her?

[darkblue]

Exactly. A perfect reason to try and sort this problem.

 

You must seek councilling and deal with these issues.

 

Anger managment may be of use if you opened your mind and stuck with it.

 

I think you have deeper issues though.

[cookies]

yes... there is definitely a problem, . YOu can get advice, and consoled by ppl online, which will make u feel alot better, but to have someone there to support you and help u understand why this is happening,...will benefit you the most...and thats with proper counselling

 

Altho I understand why you wanted to retaliate and protect yourself from the 'abuse' from her... the problem arises when you blacked out and woke up strangling her... thats abit unhealthy and I would hate to see you hurt in the midst of alla this...

 

good luck 2 u...

 

peace,

cookie

[Shadows Light]

As DarkBlue said... you need to seek help. IMMEDIATELY.

 

The fact that you are blacking out now... should be sending alarms off telling you that you need help.

 

IF.. the Anger Management program or the Dr. you went to see was NOT a good fit.. go to another one.

 

You said yourself... you don't want to hurt someone or yourself. This incident with your sister... was a CLOSE CALL... listen to your instincts which are telling you to go talk to someone.

 

Please please please.......

[suprema99]

Hey qtpie87, you really seem like a cool girl. Your on and off though sometimes when I happen to read. But I don't think you need any help. I think your strong and your a sweet girl. Some people like to think automatically you must need major help. It's okay to be angry sometimes. Don't ever feel though there's a problem with you unless you feel it's a problem. Goodluck

[melrich]

Um...hi qtpie...I have to agree with the other posters recommending you seek some professional help. Holding your sisters head down under the water and "blacking out" whilst doing it indicates you really need some help. This is not behaviour that you can just put down to losing your cool.

 

You held someones head down under the water and had to be pulled off her. Don't muck around. Go and see a professional therapist urgently about what is going on in your life.

[suprema99]

Melrich, yeah that's a little extreme there i won't disagree. I guess I just disagree though only, cause we don't know sometimes what's going on. It's very easy to say someone needs proffesional help right away. More of waht I'm getting at.

[melrich]

I agree suprema, it is easy to say get professional help but I think in this case it is warranted. This sort of behaviour is way beyond "high spirited" youth or having a bad temper.

[suprema99]

Melrich, good point, It all depends I guess how you look at it. The facts do state, hutring her sister by pulling her hair and almost drowning her sister means she's a good candiidate for thearopy none the less.

[melrich]

Yeah I think so. Put it this way, it's certainly not going to hurt.

[WildChild]

Isn't there something called rage blackouts? I'm not saying or thinking you have something clinically wrong with you, but you had a really scarey experience that you should really speak to someone professionaly about...so you don't end up hurting yourself or anyone else.