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Ok, I'll keep the background info to a minimum. My ex-girlfriend and I broke up 4 months ago after being together for about 18 months. I was devastated for a long time. I wouldn't go out, I couldn't sleep, etc. I did everything I could think of to try and get her back. But she wanted to be single...she didn't know what she wanted but she thought she needed to be single (she was in a 3 1/2 yr. relationship and then jumped straight into our relationship) because she really has never been single.


I tried calling her and hanging out with her, but I was getting more and more depressed. So in the beginning of May, I broke off contact and we stopped talking. I started feeling better, but I still got upset whenever I thought about it. Then she emailed me out of the blue at the beginning of June to say hi. We started talking on the phone occasionally, and I got the distinct impression she was interested in pursuing things again.


After we got into a fight one night when she thought it might be "awkward" if we hung out, I confronted her about it (I know, stupid move). I asked her what she was feeling and why she started talking to me again. She said that she wanted to be friends, and that she didn't want to be in a relationship at that point. I told her that I had enough friends, and I didn't want to talk to her because it was too tough for me to deal with.


Well about 3 weeks ago, I bumped in her randomly. We exchanged our hellos and talked for about 15 minutes. Since then, she has called me about 4 or 5 times to "say hi". Although this time, I have treated it differently. I have not called her at all, other than once when I was returning a message. I have not asked her to hang out once. Today she called on my lunch break at work, when she is at work on her lunch break just to say hi. She hasn't asked me if I wanted to hang out at all. We've just talked about chit-chat on the phone for 5 or 10 minutes here and there.


I guess I am just wondering, what does she want? Maybe this is more for the female readers out here. Do you think she's honestly this naive to think that I might have changed my mind in a month and I want to be "friends", or does she sound interested? I get the distinct impression that she doesn't really know what she wants right now, but she kind of wants to keep me in the loop in case she figures it out. I can't picture her thinking I want to be buddies and talk about stuff all the time. I think the only reason I haven't said anything to her about this is because I'm still completely in love with her, and I think about her all the time. I have learned from my mistakes with her in the past (she is the first girl i've ever been hung up on like this), and I am not repeating them. I'm not calling her or asking her to hang out, but she keeps calling me just to say hi. What is she thinking, and how should I play this?

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I would say that you should continue what you're doing until she tells you what she wants.


Unfortunately, sometimes people just want to be friends or want someone to love them. So I would just give it some time and wait for her to really make a move that is clearly one (i.e. asking you out).

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