I left my husband and I can't seem to get over him.

[CatEyes73]

I have so much going on inside of me. I feel so alone. I don't have any friends or family that I can talk to. The reason why...I left my husband of 12 years because he was constantly cheating on me and never giving me the attention I deserved. Before I left, I met a man that was too good to be true. Two months after we began talking, I took me and my two boys and moved in with my new friend and his two children. We have been in his home now for 8 months and we all love each other very much. At times it feels like all my dreams have come true. My family and friends even love my new man and they can't stand my ex. Now the main problem is, I still can't get my husband out of my head. I still feel I love him. I don't know what to do. I talk to him almost every other day. Somtimes I think its just to hear his voice and to make sure he's okay. He's went on with his life to but he's constantly tellling me he still loves me and he will take me back whenever I'm ready. I'm so confused and don't know what to do. My new man is always talking about our future and marrying me. I don't know what my future holds and I'm not ready to even think about it. I feel liked I'm not even healed yet and trying to act as if I am just to hold onto my new man. However, I wish I could just run away and be all alone for a while. I hate now that I didn't try to get a place of my own but at the time my financial situation wasn't too good. I'm afraid of hurting too many people if I leave now. Please give me some advice on what I need to do.

[radiogirl24]

don't do anything right now....I am trying to get over my ex of 4 years as well...the biggest mistake I made was making irrational decisions because I missed him. I would call him all the time, beg him to come back and when that didn't work I would go out and have a fling with some random guy just to feel better. The flings made me feel awful about myself and certianly didn't help. I am still very much in love with my ex and want to get him back badly, but he won't do it right now. At least your ex is opening the door for you. But if you said he was cheating on you and not making you happy then I would consider things very seriously before getting back. To be honest I wouldn't do anything. It sounds like you need to be single...so as soon as the opportunity presents itself I would move out and stay friends with your current man or even date him...but don't be tied to anyone through living situations or money until you know for sure what and who you want.

Good Luck!!

[segagirl]

12 years takes a little more time to heal from than you gave it. Dont be to down on yourself. You just jumped in order to get yourself out of a bad situation. The reality is however, your mixing feelings...You did not take the time to heal and I think you just need to tell your new man that. Be honest with him about where your head is, and what you are feeling. I have this feeling he will be your best friend and supporter. I have a feeling he will understand your fears, and support the time you need to heal. Now If you do want him and want to build a life with him, you dont have to be away from him to heal. You have to do it as a team..But you have to share with him so he has that choice. Him wanting to talk about building a long life with you is normal, but sit him down now and be fair about where you are....he deserves a chance to work with you on this issue.

If you dont want a life with him, then time to pick up the courage, and do it on your own.

[Troubled Girl]

Hey there,

 

I read your post and am not sure if I am the right person to be offering you advice or not quite honestly...but i thought I could help a little...maybe.

 

You sounds like your heart is torn...you are alone inside even thought one man loves you and your ex wants you back....When you think of your ex, do you constantly think off good times and what could have been? Do you ever try to justify if he truly loved you (because of all the cheating)?

 

Being scared to be alone is natural I think, we all tend to depend on others when we are down and out, or atleast feel that way. Seperating from a husband has to be a very hard thing regardless of the reasons...you probably almost feel trapped now because of this new man and the ex...you are stuck in the middle not wanting to hurt either one of them....

 

When we are alone (or feel alone) we tend to think things to be better than they really are. Deep down in your heart do you truly love your ex? Did he make you feel like a princess? Was he good to you in every way?

Do you truly love your new man? Does he treat you like a princess? Is he good to you in every way?

 

You need to find answers to questions like these to begin a healing process. You need to heal if you stay separated or even if you get back together. he has hurt you in the past...that is something you will struggle to deal with.

 

You have to take care of yourself first, before you can take care of anyone else. Look within yourself to find out what you truly want from life. You can't be afraid to hurt anyone, because it is a part of life....people need to experience pain to grow. the worst part is you are holding all this in with noone to talkto to spare the pain of your new man and your ex....you are absorbing the pain for everyone else. You need to stop that and try to live your life the way you want it lived.

 

I am not sure of your financial situation, but there are always things you can do to make ends meet on your own. You shouldnt feel obligated to stay with your new man because you will be alone and struggle if you don't. There are many organizations that will help you get on your feet and your children as well.

 

Don't hold onto to things you don't want.....face your problems and you fears and you will feel much better....I honestly can't tell you what to do in your situation, only offer advice...but i can tell you that you are not alone...