Handling High Maintenance Friendships

[swedeace]

How many of you have ever dealt with a high maintenance person in your life who is very important or semi important? I am not just talking about relatives, customers or people you just assist. I am talking about people who do consider close or somewhat close and important in your life.

 

To those who have dealt with such people, do you ever give up on them? Have you given up on them? If you have given up, how long does it last? Do you just "dump" them or give them chances? If you give them chances, then why? Do you just give them the benefit of the doubt, or do you just feel sorry for them?

 

I ask because I've recently had a situation where I can be such a high maintenance friend (because of my paranoia, irrationality, depression, neurotic, jealousy, etc....) and this person has come to see it. However, he has NOT given up on me. It just gets me wondering why he hasn't. Then again, he has some of the same flaws as I do. I recently had a convo with him, and he's told me one of his bad habits is fixing me to fix himself. I guess that's why he hasn't given up on me? Who knows....

[fIIsion]

My ex is what you would call high maintenance .

She has a number of issues stemming from her childhood which boils down to her requiring constant attention, constantly showing her love.

 

I believe this has caused our relationship to collaspe in the end.

 

Still, I have not given up yet as I love her very much, I'm trying to show her how much I do love her, not by telling her but just being there for her.

 

she needs counselling and I'm trying to help her see this.

Its very emotionally draining but in the end, even if we don't get back together, I will always be there for her.

[swedeace]

Thanks for your response, fIIsion. That is really great you are not so keen to give up on your ex!! At least, you ARE making an effort for being there, believing people can change, and just giving her the benefit of the doubt. I understand it CAN be difficult to deal with a high maintenance person (I am one myself). I find it can be quite difficult to maintain or even keep a friendship with me. If I get to be VERY close friends with people, I always fear pushing them away soooo much that it USUALLY happens anyway.

 

Kuddos to your patience!

[phishgirl]

Swedeace, my longest, closest friend (since elementary school) has ALWAYS been high maintenence, and I imagine, always will be. She's insecure, vain, selfish, concerned about what others think, uncompromising, stubborn, and flaky.

 

We've been friends for years, despite all this. Why? Because we've always had fun together. We grew up together. I've accepted her faults, as she's accepted mine (which, I believe, are to somewhat of a lesser extent). I wouldn't trade anyone else in the world for her. We've come to have different lifestyles over the years, as she's become more artistic and analytical-me, laid-back and more "professional", but we balance each other out.

 

Your friend probably feels the same. I love discussing self-improvement with her, despite our different faults and goals. We help each other grow.

[swedeace]

Thanks also for your response, phishgirl!

 

So you are best friends with a high maintenance person whom you would never trade? Hmmm... That is VERY dear and patient of you. How was it like when you first realized they were high maintenance? Do you two argue and butt heads on views/opinions? How do you handle that?