He's Jewish I'm Catholic will there be a problem??

[wastedtime]

I was wondering about that...but only after my friend commented that if a Jewish and a none Jewish get together it's called " short term relationships" cause 90% of Jewsih men will only marry Jewish women.

 

I am not thinking of marriage, but when I am date someone it usually turns into a long term relationship. And I wonder how right my friend is.

Also this guy and I get along very well. So I'd like to know early on.

 

I was born Catholic, but I don't practice it. IF he turns out to be a great guy I might consider converting like Charlette, in "Sex & the City" haha

 

My friend said to ask him indirectly, questions like:

Are you very religious? Is your family?

Do you celebrate the Hoildays?

And if he answers "YES" then I need to throw in "I guess you can only marry a jewish girl, huh?"

 

HOw doesn that sound?

I know it's early, we're still only dating, the thing is when I fall for someone I do so 130% so I don't wanna fall for him if we're not gonna last.

 

Thanks!!!

[jna35]

It could be, but it doesn't have to be. I think the fact that he hasn't brought it up yet, probably means it won't be a problem for him. I would think that if someone only wanted to date within their religion that would be one of the first topics of discussion. I like your friend's ideas of asking in a round about way.

[lisica]

Haha - it reminded me of that episode of "Sex and the City" too ;-) Why not ask him "would you ever consider marrying a non jewish girl"? As a question, that is still complete different from "would you marry ME" which is rather a marriage proposal ;-)

[cichlid]

I don't think it is a good idea to change for anyone unless it's a choice you would make on your own....without the influence of someone else. 8) I mean what would you be doing...just changing a label. You said you don't practice the Catholic religion. I am a Catholic myself...and I also wanted to say that I have been taught that if you aren't a practicing Catholic...are you really a Catholic? No...not really. Okay so back to my point...if you don't practice as a Catholic...what makes you think you will practice the Jewish religion?

 

You're also assuming he wants a Jewish girl. Like the above poster said...it probably isn't that big a deal to him because he hasn't brought it up.

[wastedtime]

It could be, but it doesn't have to be. I think the fact that he hasn't brought it up yet, probably means it won't be a problem for him. I would think that if someone only wanted to date within their religion that would be one of the first topics of discussion. I like your friend's ideas of asking in a round about way.

 

 

Well, I 'm thinking there may be reasons why he hasn't brought it up, such as:

 

It's too soon into the relationship and is feeling it out for now

or

He's not taking me seriously

 

Maybe he'll date girls (regardless of their religion) for now and when he's ready to settle he'll then start dating only jewish girls.

 

I don't know just a thought.

The suspense is killing me. I'll bring this up when I see him again. Which may be days away.

[wastedtime]

Haha - it reminded me of that episode of "Sex and the City" too ;-) Why not ask him "would you ever consider marrying a non jewish girl"? As a question, that is still complete different from "would you marry ME" which is rather a marriage proposal ;-)

 

 

Perfect! THANK YOU!!!

[Mr. Cactus]

Wastedtime,

 

I couldn't find anywhere in your posts how long you have had this relationship for. It's hard to put a time limit on when these sorts of things would be brought up. That said, I am a lot like you in that when I fall for someone I really fall very hard for them, and subsequently the hurt of it not working out is extremely hard to bear and is very prolonged.

 

In my own case I had a friend who I felt I could have had a very long term relationship with. I am sure this feeling was mutual. I can't remember exactly, but I think she started discussing religion about 6 weeks into our friendship, just to find out what I felt about it (I am not a religious person in the traditional sense, but she is a Christian). Anyway I sensed some ackwardness and tension after that - my intuition was telling me that our relationship was not going to progress further as a result of my lack of religion. I did not mind her religion but she did not like my lack of religion. Things cooled down after that. I was very hurt because I had strong feelings for her. Our friendship failed after about 7 months for numerous reasons, however I would be kidding myself if religion wasn't near the top of the list.

 

I would hate you to go through what I went through / am still going through, so based on my own experience (and the way you describe yourself and the way you manage your feelings) I think you absolutely must find a way to get an answer very soon.

 

I don't know whether you were serious or joking when you said you might convert on account of this friend. Think about it objectively. You are embracing a set of beliefs and an associated way of life that have absolutely nothing to do with this man as a partner in a relationship per se - you are instead adopting a religious belief to be with him. If you said you would become Jewish because you wholeheartedly believed in the religion and that you would do so independent of any outside influence or pressure, then fine. But converting from one religion to another - or from no religion to a specifc religion on account of another person...well, personally I would never do it under any circumstances whatsoever. In any case it would be impossible for me to do. I just can't suddenly believe in something because someone "wants" me to or "needs" me to or because it would make things "easier" for me and someone else. If that mean't I was to miss out on what I perceived as the most wonderful partner imaginable, then I would be telling myself that this person was not infact the most wonderful partner imaginable (not because of their beliefs per se, but the fact that I would have to adopt their beliefs as my own).

[wastedtime]

Yeah, I agree with you that I must find out asap.

Now about converting...I think it would be partly for the wedding ceromony, and stuff. I don't know what I am going to do if the situation presented intself until I am there.

You made some very valid points, especially when you wrote..."If that mean't I was to miss out on what I perceived as the most wonderful partner imaginable, then I would be telling myself that this person was not infact the most wonderful partner imaginable (not because of their beliefs per se, but the fact that I would have to adopt their beliefs as my own." -- Yeah.

[Day_Walker]

It doesnt also have to deal with how religious he is, it could also depend on how he has been socialized. This is just information that you are going to have to find out and its going to take time and questions to do so.

[Mr. Cactus]

Wastedtime,

 

I had some spare time this morning, so I decided to do a bit of informal "research". I went to a highly respected and very high quality online dating site (certainly the most respected in my own country). I looked up the first 200 profiles of single, Jewish men seeking long term relationships with females. I should add that anyone with internet access could have done what I did - you don't need to have a membership or any sort of special access just to browse the available profiles.

 

Anyway, of those 200 men, only 21 of them stipulated that their ideal partner should be Jewish as well. The remaining 179 of them either listed their partner's religion as unimportant, or otherwise listed a large number of "suitable" religions.

 

I'm sorry I did not look at all the profiles, but I was getting pretty tired after looking up the first 200, and the "statistics" didn't really change after the first 100 anyway.

 

Of course, this isn't any real indication of where you stand, and I am also sure you understand that someone can be Jewish simply by family relation, even though they do not practice the religion as such. Nevertheless, I did find it interesting that only 10% of the Jewish men I looked up were seeking a Jewish partner. That isn't to say that they might put pressure on their partner to adopt their religion, but my distinct feeling is that were that the case, they would be far more likely to simply seek a Jewish person from the outset.

 

I did seem to notice that it was mainly the younger men who made up that 10%. It seems the older people get the more tolerant they become of religious differences in terms of that being a barrier to a successful relationship. That is certainly my personal experience. The girl I am no longer friends with was much younger than I am.

[wastedtime]

That's so nice of you to do that. Thank you!