I'm Only Hurting Myself But It's Their Fault.

[suziered723]

So I need to start off with a little background information before I get into my confusing dilemma. I started dating this guy in November of '01 and I was a senior in high school, and he was a sophomore. I went off to college while he still was chugging along through his high school days. I came home most weekends to see him, but it got to a point where I felt I just had to experience college, and had to break up with him. After hurting myself more than ever by breaking up with him, we got back together and we were together for a nice long time. (almost a year and a half). I came home from college and lived at home just going to a community college so that I could see him more, but then I felt as though I was seeing him too much and that I really didn't know who I was, so once again I broke his heart. Knowing how i reacted the first time towards the breakup, I came up with this crazy idea to just rebound as soon as possible; and only four days after the break-up with my boyfriend I had found a new guy, only to have him mess with my head. So I was upset and emotionally mangled with by two different guys. A week after I broke up with my younger boyfriend, I went on a week and a half vacation away where I didn't talk to him much. Him being at home, he talked things out with a mutual friend and was able to just get over me, mean while I had been thinking I was over him but upon my arrival home I was confronted with my true feelings for him. I missed him more than ever. I had told him that I missed him, yet after hurting him twice I knew it wasn't right for me to get him back and he told me that he wasn't going to date me again. After one night of me breaking down and crying in front of him at a concert and him being there to comfort me, it gave me such mixed signals about our situation. He kept insisting that he wanted to be my friend, but it's been so hard for me to handle my feelings and balance a friendship. After the concert we ended up making out in my car, and then him telling me that he liked my best friend and that she liked him back. I've been torn apart ever since he told me this. He keeps saying that he needs time before jumping into a new relationship, yet i know he's not going to wait long. My friend doesn't know what to do either, she never gets such good luck with guys, but doesn't want to hurt me; and initially I said, "just go for it, i understand" but more and more i keep getting upset and just pissed off at both of them. I feel so selfish to the fact that they know my feelings yet just continue turning their friendship into a relationship. People keep throwing out the idea that my ex-boyfriend might be using her as a rebound because it's only been a month since we broke up and he's just using her to replace me, yet no ones sure. My feelings towards their relationship goes up and down, where as one day I'll feel as though its their life and they should do what they want, but then the next I'll want them to just fall off the face of the earth and i want their soon to be relationship to fail miserably. Just a day ago I decided to stop talking to them so i wouldn't have to hear anything about whats going on, yet I'm still curious. Should I keep avoiding them? or do I need to be around them to heal? I miss my boyfriend....yet I know I can't have him. I just don't want him with anyone, especially one of my bestest friends. oh well. thank you for listening to me.

[Radix]

Hmm...Well, my opinion is that you are a walking pile of feces. You deserve every bit of pain and heartache that life has to throw at you and I hope that you get it. Too many times ive put my heart on the line only to have it ripped out by spineless, indecisive, fickle little b**ches like you.

 

YOU are whats wrong with the world. Totally unable to dedicate yourself to any one thing, and begrudging everyone else who might actually be able to do so.

[Radix]

Oh by the way. The title of this post is incorrect. it SHOULD read "Im only hurting everyone else, but its my fault"

 

Ya little guttersnipe.

[segagirl]

ouch radix. I have to agree but not to that tad excessive extent. I think you do need to realize your own actions are messing with his and you're friends lives. Let him go, give your blessing and let them be happy. Its not your choice or right to hold onto him anymore.

[Ravenshadow]

HAHAHAHA OMFG u sound just like my step mom messin with my dads heart and puttin him thru pain. You don't deserve to have any pity from a human heart right now.Take these mistakes and learn.....

[pi_anochik]

Woah radix...way harsh man!

 

But he's right. You are being VERY selfish. You broke this man's heart 2wice and expected him to take you back. Well he's found a new love and she loves him back. You need to get over him and yourself and be happy for him. If you trule love him as much as you say you do, you'd be happy for him.

 

They ARE NOT hurting you. YOU are the one who is hurting people. You are NOT only hurting yourself as radix pointed out. You are hurting other people too. How confused do you think you're poor friend is that one minute it's all okay that she's dating the guy she loves who happens to be your ex, and then another you're pissed off at her about it? She DOES NOT deserve that. I also really doubt that he's on the rebound...

 

All I can really advise you to do is get over yourself and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

[BananaRamma01]

okay, so radix was a little harsh... thats okay, but he does have a point. You had your chance(s), and you just have to let him be happy. You know what they say... if you really love someone, let them go; and if they don't come back, you'll know they really loved you. Just let him be happy... you'll both move on to something better. Fate has ways of working its majic...even if it's a little hard for us to understand.

 

Always..

BananaRamma01

 

[BazookaMike]

Well I'm sorry for you suziered723. I guess you didn't realize you couldn't get any guy you wanted, whenever you want them. But that's not the point. The point is that if you go for everything all the time you will get nowhere.

 

Radix, its not anyone's place to condemn others. I'm sorry that you've put your heart on the line and feel bitter about it. Both you and suziered723 need to consider finding love not from others but with others. That's why I've found its better to become friends first. I'm not saying friends never go on dates together, but take it slow because if she's a good one she'll probably be doing the same thing. but trying to find love in someone you hardly know is practically setting yourself up for more pain. You can't find something deep in a shallow person.

 

So get to know them and take note of the people that they surround themselves with. I've dated the sweetest girl before, she had me fooled, she went to church with her parents and seemed to have values. Her close friends lived out of state and were all pregnant or drunkards. She wasn't one to do any of that physically. She wasn't inherently bad, don't get me wrong. But in retrospect I can see that deep inside and underneath it all she was the same as her friends when it came to relationships with boys. Scary huh, I think its fascinating thing, it still blows my mind to think about it. She had me fooled, but what really amazes me is the fact that she was fooling herself and didn't even know it.

 

Good luck, both of you.