Should I apologize to my Ex?

[Cassyniner]

I wrote last Friday about a series of nasty e-mails that my ex and I exchanged.

 

link removed

 

At the time it made me feel better and was pretty funny. But most of the week, I have been feeling guilty and bad about it. I even read over the e-mails again on Wednesday, and saw that I really hadn't gotten (too) nasty until he did, but no excuse. I know I must have been wrong, or I wouldn't be feeling so guilty. Or maybe I'm just trying to manufacture an excuse to contact him? I'm so confused. I have not contacted him since, and don't feel like I REALLY want to, I just so didn't want this whole thing to end on a sour note--we have been friends for 12 years. He sent me a quick e-mail on Tuesday telling me he had collected most of his stuff, left me a check, and would be back at 5:30 with a different vehicle to pick up a book shelf. His tone was pleasant, he said hello,and said if I didn't agree with the amount of the check to let him know, and he said thanks. I didn't answer. He did come by at 5:30, and he knew I get home from work at 5:15. He had moved the shelf outside though, so I don't think he was trying to see me. Naturally I peeked through the window to see who he was with. He was alone but driving some crappy SUV I didn't recognize, and his hair was wet. So of course I'm imagining that he was having sex with some bimbo, and then showered and borrowed her car to get his shelf. Gawd!! I'm pathetic.

[Iceman26]

No. He's your ex,. so who cares.

 

Move on to bigger and better things and let it go.

[reflectionlessmirror]

You would only appologize if you were intersted in getting back with him.

[lady00]

I read a couple of your other posts...apologize for what? This dude was a jerk...a cheap jerk who couldn't even pay you back! He's the one who needs to do the apologizing. Btw...feeling guilty doesn't mean you have anything to feel guilty about. It's just a feeling...I mean even people who have done absolutely nothing wrong can still feel guilty about certain situations...feeling guilty doesn't necessarily mean you have done wrong. If he is having sex with "some bimbo" then he's now her problem. Honestly, you owe this guy NOTHING, ZERO, NADA. HE owes you money, AND and apology. Not that he'll actually give one but I think you can insist on getting the money back...the apology, well you'll probably have to let that one slide he probably won't give you one of those! Good luck w/everything.

[crookster_man]

Do what you feel is important to you. You have to look at yourself in the morning. DO you believe it is important to apologize? Second, what is the purpose of it? Why do you feel the need to apologize?

 

What void does it fill? Be careful that you are doing this because you believe it is the right thing to do (moral) as apposed to succumbing to your irrational desires

[suprema99]

Nasty emails, and all that, obviously means to the outsider looking at, an unhealthy relationship here. If it's worth the energy go for it, if you feel it's not, move on then.

[Cassyniner]

feeling guilty doesn't necessarily mean you have done wrong. If he is having sex with "some bimbo" then he's now her problem. Honestly, you owe this guy NOTHING, ZERO, NADA. HE owes you money, AND and apology.

 

I do agree there, I'm not even altogether sure if it is truly 'guilt' that I'm feeling or just regret. Because when I re-read the e-mails, I still felt that I was right to be angry. I just wished maybe that I'd kept it to myself and let things end without harsh words. The sex with a bimbo thing is just my imaginings, but the idea of him with someone else really crushed me. Funny that you would say that it's the imaginary girls problem now, cause that's exactly what I said to myself to feel better. More or less that if he's with someone so soon, he hasn't changed at all, and will treat her no better than he did me. He did pay me back, finally, and more than I felt he owed. I really think his dragging this out has been his way of extending the connection, but it really is unfair to me.

 

Crookster, I guess the reason I feel the need to apologize is that I didn't want this to end in a negative bitter way. We have been friends so long, and while we may never get back together, you never know what the future holds. During our friendship this is the second time we have been in a relationship. The last time we split it was for 5 and a half years, and we were very different people this time, with a very different relationship. who's to say it couldn't happen again, obviously there is a strong and long term connection there. I just don't know. I don't want to break NC for my own sake, but almost feel like maybe I could send him a note snail mail, telling him I don't want a reply--but just to say I regretted my harsh words, even though I felt justified in my anger towards him.

[crookster_man]

Ah the snail mail letter. Very good, I defiantly recommend it. It's much more personal and it allows you all the time to say what you need to say. It's a great way to get closure.

 

If you do that. You must promise yourself that you will not try to contact him to see if he got the letter. The important thing is writing and sending it. Not whether he receives, reads and responds.