A change for the better

[QTpie87]

ok so this is sort of an add on to my last post but a little bit different, ok maybe not but anyways. I really thought about the replys I got on my last post and you're right, I shouldn't change for anyone but me, and I shouldn't try and change who i am completely.

but heres the thing, I do want to change for me and not completley. I want to keep my sense of humor, but I want to get rid of frightening people with it. I want to stay energetic, but not so hyper it drives people up a wall. I want to continue to like the things I like, only be more feminen ( looks and the way I act). And the last thing I want to change is the fact that I am outgoign around people I am comfortable around but until then It's like Im a turtle in a shell who wont come out, expecially around sean (a guy I like), I want to be comfortable around anyone and everyone. I don't know where to start to make these changes...does anyone have any ideas to help.

thanks.

Qtpie87

[Mr-Kipling]

You could try a change in diet and excersise, people often calm down when they eat alot healthier and go to the gym or go jogging or something. Don't know if you do this already but it could be worth a try if you don't.

[QTpie87]

yeah Im a veagen. no animal products, just a lot of veggies, fruite, and grain. so I think I eat healthy, actually that's part of why I started doing it. and I have been going to the gym a lot. I just need like idk, what I need lol. thanks though.

Qtpie87

[annie24]

You can try reading some books like, "How to win friends and influence people." You can also try talking less, and listening more to what others have to say. When you get hyper, just take a calming breath. As for the fashion and femininity, you can read some beauty magazines, and pick out a few things you like, and try it out. Or, go to a shop and ask a saleslady to help you chose some classic, feminine outfits that will last you for a few years.

 

It's just - you're going through that phase, where you're not quite comfortable in your own skin. Hell, even I'm not comfortable in my own skin quite yet - it takes a while.

[Raven44]

Relax! Dont keep thinking about what others are thinking. They will think however they want to about you, but if you are yourself then they will feel that. Ive had the same problem for years...Until one day I realised that if I unwound, relaxed and stopped caring about what people thought about me, I would be less tense and hyper. (or a turtle in a shell) Try meditation...You would be amazed at how good it makes you feel.

 

 

Best of luck

 

Raven

[smallworld]

Hey QTpie87, when I'm extremely nervous, I'm guilty of cracking jokes a mile a minute too. If you're frightening people, then it'd probably help to hold back a bit. Try thinking of your sense of humor as a gift and dole out only the choicest of jokes.

 

As for being more feminine, I believe in the power of the skirt - long, short, mini, whatever... start wearing them! I've got quite a collection and each one makes me feel womanly in a slight different manner.

 

Being comfortable around most anyone takes practice. Start small and practice smiling and making eye contact with all sorts of people first (babies, seniors, anyone!) so that being around others and socializing becomes second nature.

[btbt]

If you think you are too talkative, you could wait a few seconds before you respond to anything. That way your responses are more measured. Or you could let other people talk first.

 

But unless you are completely obnxious -- like you dominate the conversation with stuff about yourself and interrpt people etc. -- I'd stick to my earlier advice and say don't worry about changing yourself so much. The way you've worded your post shows that you are concerned about how other people are reacting to you. You can't control that -- maybe if you talk less they'd think you are too shy? I'd concentrate on finding people who react to you positively, who think your characteristics are fun and charming.

[bleeder]

I understand how you feel QTpie.

 

The trouble with most people these days is that they hardly listen enough. Everyone is keen to impress unto others their thoughts, giving very little consideration or understanding of what others might be saying, or trying to say.

 

It is a very good sign that you recognise your faults and it is an even better sign that you are seeking changes. Here are some personal tips I can offer you :

 

1. Count to ten before saying anything that comes to your mind. Take that time to process the thought if it is worthwhile to be mentioned.

 

2. Learn to let the other person finish the sentence or dialogue before jumping in. We never like people cutting us off do we? Try to listen with understanding, not just plain listening.

 

3. For those whose company you dislike or are uncomfortable with, let them do the talking. Remember, we are NOT obliged to give out personal and delicate info about ourselves. So if you are not cool with it, give them vague answers if need be.

 

All in all, learn the art of patience and keep in mind that there must be a reason why we have two ears and only one mouth.

 

Be well!