NO friends

[W1244]

I'm 16 and I have no friends. I have an ok family, I study fairly good, I have some activities to do and that's pretty much it. I have no one to invite me somewhere, no one to go to any time, no one to talk to, no one to do something together and so on. Frankly, I am fine with it and I am not going around screaming that I have no friends and it doesn't drive me mad at all. It just feels like that:

 

There are some school mates but each of them either underestimates me, have such friends who I would be too embrassing to show or likes to humiliate me in front of everyone. I never made real friendships, no one offered me or whatever.

 

I think I am trustful, honest, kind etc. I'd never betray anyone or do something bad. I'd NEVER point out some embrassing stuff about someone. But I am not so talkative, especially when it's about meeting new people. Also when meeting someone I thoroughfully examine that person, I am kind of afraid of meeting someone who has near-skinhead friends and who is rude in talk because it pretty much happens with everyone. I can be a really good friend though

 

Ah what the hell, here are some examples.There was one highly stupid accident when one pal from school came to invite me to hang out it was 9 or 10 pm and my parents started worrying and when he heard it he told it to everyone in colourful way and it was absolutely embrassing. Also they like to point out something bad about me and the thing that I don't smoke, drink, hang out at night makes them embrassed of me in front of their friends! Here's another one: When we were on a trip to one town, we had some time to just hang around and I with other lads came to some valley. They started drinking and I refused. That whole day was ruined because I was the point of pathetic jokes. I can go on and on.

 

I'm on vacation now and it feels like heaven. No school at all. I hate school because of these people, not studying! It feels like always all schoolmates want something from me. They want to do something for them, like school test or they want to fix their pc etc. They never ask me about me or talk about me or something to do with me. Now whenever someone starts to talk with me I point out in my mind that he wants something and it's always true!

 

Can someone give me an advice on what to do? I have no idea what, not even a bit. Oh, and I don't even want real friends, they can be just friends at first. Thank you.

[xixilovergirlxixi]

what do u mean that u have no friends?

[W1244]

Well I wrote it here:

I have no one to invite me somewhere, no one to go to any time, no one to talk to, no one to do something together and so on.

I have schoolmates but these are far from friends.

[QTpie87]

talk to your school mates and find a few or even one to ask to go hang out. I made a huge mistake by only making a few friends in school cause I thought no one liked me, and I was so wrong, I just recently like 2 weeks ago found out. So don't make the same mistake, just go for it, you have nothing to lose unless you don't try at all.

good luck and I hope you make lots of new friends and have tons of fun.

[Persiancutie]

Hmm,

 

well u can go up to somone that's alone and seems like they have no friends or something and try to get to know them. Once you get to know them u can invite them over and try to become better friends.

 

Or you can go to a group of people that look nice ( make sure their not the immature idiots) anf ask if they wanna hang out. if they're nice enough, they'll let you hang out and u can invite them over or hang out out of school.

 

Well Good Luck

[kskm]

I would say try to find someone like you, that has the same interestes, and maybe also is in the same position that you are in.. you only need one really good friend!

[W1244]

Oh, I really should try these. Thanks.

[jnelson]

I always found that playing sports, joining teams etc. helps you meet a lot of people that you would otherwise probably never know.

 

Hey - if you become really good at a sport too, it will help you pick up chicks....

[Jinx]

In the past I've experienced a similar situation. For a lot of individuals it appeared that such traits (the lack of partying and loyalty/trust) were less than "cool". To tell these people I don't drink, smoke or stay out late would result in their cringe as though it was abnormal behavior. Eventually I realized, such people weren't worth my time. Even though it was lonely and sometimes embarrassing in itself stating that you have no friends it certainly was an improvement being a "loner" for awhile, over those which would constantly cause unneeded stress.

 

For me, there was a ray of light, eventually I had an individual approach me, first conversation very brief. Needless to say, now we're best friends, never an argument or problem between us over all the years and where one goes so does the other and absolutely none of the embarrassment or harassment others gave for not being with the "in" crowd and doings.

 

One vital lesson I learned since, there is always at least one other person that is in the same situation as you are. It can range; the ones trying to create small talk with anyone and everyone to the obviously alone individuals. In what few meetings and parties I've attended, scanning the group and finding someone who sticks out and just start small talk. I don't typically start conversation as a "Hello" "Hi" because it usually leads to an awkward silence. Some observation or generalized off subject question suits the purpose best, lead for a bit and try to get the person to talk about themself. I personally prefer listening over leading first meetings, except for questions and comments. This allows me to get a general idea of this person. Some people will drop you using this way of approach, thinking you're not lively enough or boring. Yet, those that will progress with you, can turn out to be the best friends or at least good friend material.

 

I take a long time to get to really knowing and trusting individuals since I've had so many previous "friend" mishaps so I need another which respects me and willing to work on a progressing friendship. Even my best friend, we were similar in that manner. As time progressed, we became more accustomed and comfortable with each other. It probably took well over a two year period before we considered each other friends. Add another year or two to consider one another best friends. It took the time and the effort for both but paid off in the end.

 

As suggested by a previous poster - Sports, Clubs, Events - anything you're interested in will help. At least with that you will have one step ahead knowing you have at least one thing in common when you begin. That in itself can be helpful in working towards finding friends.

 

I wish you the best of luck in this situation and progress.

[darkblue]

I agree with other posters. You should find someone like you. They will not 'use' you; as they'll be in similiar circumstances.

 

You could also join clubs you are interested in. That way you already have something in common with the people that will be there.

 

Good luck

[skyteph]

I don't know if my advice will be helpful, because I know that I am an outgoing person when I need to be. If I have a class and don't know anyone in it, I'll sit next to someone and make conversation. I have made lots of friends by simply being so straight forward and not caring about them possibly thinking I'm annoying or something for sitting next to them and having a friendly conversation.

 

You have to be willing to take a chance, even if you could possibly make a fool of yourself.

[Shadows Light]

Well.. if your schoolmates arn't of any interest to you then you can find friends elsewhere. So you're into computers? fixing them.... I'm sure there are some techies out there who would fit the bill..and share the same interest. Are you a gamer? See if you can connect with someone who likes Comp games as well.

 

Or... try something that you have never tried before but would like to.....like some type of sport... or an art class... playing chess... some type of club. You'll find like minded individuals.

 

I applaud you for staying true to yourself. If you don't want to drink... you shouldn't be bullied or teased into it. If you don't want to smoke.. why bother... its and expensive nasty habit anyway. I applaud you for not following the sheep... but being an individual. That is a wonderful wonderful trait to have.

 

You may not see it now....but in years to come it will bring you peace of mind.

 

A previous poster said that you don't need a mulititude of friends.... you just need one. And they are correct... keeping score and judging your self worth by the number of friends you have doesn't make you a better person.

 

My advice to you .... don't worry so much. And LIVE... experience life... try new things sports, music, clubs, art, whatever.... but remain true to yourself. ...and the friends... will come.

 

BTW... when someone invites you over to fix a PC... great... soooo what do they do with their free time... what type of music do they listen to? Start off a conversation...and I'm sure that you'll find something in common... or something that you can build that friendship on. Don't think of it as "they are using you to get something for nothing...." maybe they've got a talent that would be beneficial to you... maybe they're currently listening to a very cool band.... ask if you can borrow the CD...and see what you think....

 

Friendships are built with time. It doesn't happen overnight.

 

And... don't be so overly critical. Everyone is unique and different...and have their quirks. Multi-faceted. Keep yourself open to everyone and don't shut the door on them right away.

[W1244]

Wow, thanks, I didn't expect so many replies. I think I'm going to find someone with similar interests.. or just try to be more communicative. I play a keyboard actually. And I'm very interested in air guns. I also like playing billiards, not too often though. I just didn't think of finding someone to share my activities with..because of my shyness perhaps.

 

I knew one girl with similar situation. I didn't really wanted to talk to her (I was polite and all but couldn't find the right words or something) when she spoke to me, she really was trying to communicate and was obviously failing. I understand this now. She doesn't live here anymore.

[Shadows Light]

Thats great, see ...find people with like interests..and then use that interest as a conversation starter... it'll take off from there.

[lost_to_apathy]

Hi

For anyone who's reading this thread, I've recently set up a forum for people who have no real friends, find it hard to make friends for whatever reason, etc.

We just moved base from a very successful forum over at link removed and in the last few days decided to abandon it because of costs and start again on a new forum, so we would welcome new members

 

The place to go is link removed

 

Hope to see you there, take care

[jna35]

I didn't have many friends when I was your age either. I was also ridiculed for studying, not smoking, drinking, or doing drugs. I understand that it's hard. I agree that you should find someone with similar interests. I know you can't be the only one who is feeling this way. Sharing a common bond is a great beginning for friendship. Do you have any hobbies or anything that you are passionate about? Put yourself out there. Yes, it's a risk, but no one will ever get to know what a wonderful person you are if oyu keep yourself shut away. Don't pay the mean kids any mind. They are just ignorant and there opinion doesn't count, how you feel about yourself does. I can tell you are a great kid and I respect you for trying.