I have a problem...

[taco human]

Ok, this is kind of hard for me to talk about..but here it goes.

 

I've been going out with my girlfriend for a little less than 2 months now and she's great. I really like her alot and care about her so much..maybe more than she knows...but there have been a few problems here and there. Most of which I feel like are my fault. I guess I have this issue with her associating with other guys, I dunno. It makes me feel like maybe I've done something wrong..or she's mad at me for some reason and its some way of getting back at me. I'm just so confused. When I try to talk about it with her I tend to get mad and overreact. This usually ends with her being pissed and not wanting to talk to me... I don't really blame her.

 

Well last time didn't seem too serious, so I got over it pretty quick. But last night me, my girlfriend and her friend veronica were supposed to go out and have a few drinks and shoot some pool and we were trying to think of someone else we could invite so we could play doubles. So I go to pick her up from work at her daytime job around 2:00 and she tells me, "Hey, I think I found someone to go play pool with us tonight." So I ask her who it is and she tells me that it's some guy named chris that she knew from a while back. Like and old friend or something, you know? So she tells me that she gave him her number and that he might call later. I'm thinking, "Ah, no big deal. He probably won't call anyway." Guess I was wrong. We we're eating dinner and she gets a call from this dude, who happens to be like 21 or 22(my girlfriend and I are both 17..not that it really has anything to do with it i guess..), and says to meet us up at the pool hall in about 20 minutes. So we leave.

 

I come to find out when we get there that this guy is fairly interested in her and of course this makes me insanely jealous.

 

For some reason when it comes to being around people I don't know I tend to get a little intimidated..especially around other guys. So I'm already kind of shying away from conversation..just standing there.

 

There's a 30 minute wait to get a table at the pool hall so we say forget it and decide to drive back to veronica's house and drink. Of course...she invites this other guy and his friend to come along with us. So by that time I'm already so jealous and pissed off that I'm not really saying much.

 

We get to veronica's house and start to have some drinks. That guy just keeps flirting kinda nonchalantly or something...(I forgot to mention that she didn't really bother to tell him that we were going out). Everyone decides to go outside and hang out and I'm just kinda sitting there, not really knowing what to do or what to say, so I just sit inside for a while. Veronica comes in later and asks me if I'm alright cause I guess she noticed that I was a little angry. I say "ya..i'm fine" but she knew I was lying. We talked for a few minutes and for some reason I started to cry(I cry alot..what can I say..I'm a wuss). I felt so embarrassed that I couldn't even go outside and sit down. Somehow, word gets to my girlfriend that I'm pissed off at her.

 

So when I finally work up the nerve to go outside she asks me to go back in a talk with her. I tell her why I am upset and she doesn't really think it's a big deal. She says, "I have friends you know..", I try to explain to her why I'm so pissed but everything comes out the wrong way and I overreact as usual and she gets mad and storms out of the room. She didn't talk to me for the rest of the night and she continued on like it was nothing. Well about 30-45 minutes later it was time to leave and I guess sometime during the evening she decided that she was gonna get a ride home with Tyler, one of the other guys that was there. So I'm left there feeling embarrassed, and like I did something wrong. I got home and immediately I called her a few times and left a message asking her to call me every time. But of course she was still mad, so my calls weren't returned. So now because of my jealousy I could have ruined this whole relationship, and the only thing I feel I can do about it is sit here and cry and sulk about it. I've been up for the past 5 hours doing that and I don't feel any better. I feel so stupid. And it's all my fault.

 

I hate feeling this way and I just want this jealousy thing to stop. But its not that easy. I guess I have this constant fear of being betrayed.. you know..like being left behind for someone that's older, or better looking or something like that. Maybe I have some issues with trusting people...I dunno.

 

Please, anybody that can offer any advice at all would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this long story.

[optimistic person]

A man is a guy that is sensative, take care of female.

 

A man is a guy who is scared of his testosterone. Man do not cry unnecessarly. You need to stop crying and pull up yourself because if you keep that up you will most probably lose her. Jealousy takes place when something happens that the person feels that will treaten the relationship. You don't need to get jealous every time she talks to a man. All you have to do is talk to a female as well.

 

She is not as serious about you as you are to her. So go take a bath and sit down think about what is tell her, go in person and tell her how EXACTLY how you feel about her. Apolgise for last night and try for it to never happen again. You are very attached to her and you need to take some time for yourself. Trust me. You need it or not the next time you all goes out then you will make a serious scene which will cause you your relationship. Do yourself a favor and read the post by dextro on what is a man. Ok

[doblersdream]

You should definitely look to these posts for some advice...

 

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[bzborow1]

oh please, that comment about being not as serious about you is false. Women all love confident men, and until you become confident in yourself, you're going to have problems. She chose to be with you, that should allow you to feel comfortable for her to talk to other guys. Besides, there's nothing you can do to stop someone from cheating... so why worry so much about it? Give her the benefit of the doubt until she proves you wrong...that's the best advice...although not the easiest.

[taco human]

I went to her work today when I got back so I could get a bite to eat and ask her If I could pick her up when she got off. She wouldn't even make eye contact with me...I asked her if I could pick her up and all she said to me was "I already have a ride." So I ate and left. Then, like a *** I cried some more. I think I've really screwed up this time...I have this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach...I think she's going to leave me. I just know it. I hope she will at least return my phone calls tonight..

[beentheredonethatTOO]

I can tell you from hard experience that jelousy is a hard thing to overcome. I had a ruined relationship over the same thing when I was your age.

What you have to remember is that if she loves you then her talking to other guys is just that - talk.

If she is going to see someone else there is NOTHING you can do about it.

But remember, if she does see someone else, this relationship was not meant to be. It kind of sounds like she is not as serious about you as you would like.

You are young and I know it hurts (all relationships have problems) but believe me when I tell you that the right person will show up in time, even sooner than you think.

When that happens, try to turn off the jelousy! It isn't worth the pain and heartbreak that will surely follow.

Also remember, you are a special person, or the girl you are with now would never have gone out with you. You obviously have some special qualities. Remember that!

I hope all goes well with your relationship. My advise is not to call her for a day or two. It's going to be hard, but it might be better to wait for her to call you. That's one way to find out if she is serious about you as well, and the wait will allow her to cool off and remember why she went out with you in the first place.

Remember too, you are a special person. Keep telling yourself that. You have special qualities that no one else has, and no one can take that away from you.

Good luck......

 

By the way, if you haven't talked to your parents or whoever you live with, try it. They are alot more understanding than you might think. You know they love you and will be there to listen.

[taco human]

Thanks so much, that's probably the best advice I've heard from anyone. Although it was tough I kept myself from calling her last night. I'm kind of hoping that she will have cooled off a little by today. But if not, I guess I can wait. I just hope we make it through this.

[taco human]

Well I couldn't help myself. I had to try and call her today...so I did. She didn't answer so I left a message..and to my surprise she actually called me back about 10 minutes later. She didn't really say much, but she didn't have to. She said that she would talk to me, and to come pick her up from work tonight at 9:00. For some reason, just hearing that made me feel so much better. I'm thinking about making a trip to the book store to take a look at some self help books. There's a couple on overcoming jealousy that I've seen recommended on here. So maybe I'll look at those.

 

Thanks everyone.