I'm so confused...

[torn143]

...and not quite sure what to do…I've never been in a situation like this before. I've only had one serious relationship, in which I discovered I had a lot of insecurities and eventually led to the breakdown of the relationship. I was very desperate and needy with him and he always wanted more and more space (he also had a lot of baggage and things he needed to deal with ). We fought constantly throughout the relationship and it became abusive at times. When he started going to bars and threatening to be with other girls is when I decided in my head that it was "over". We'd never be able to go back to the good times.

 

Well, during one of our "on-off" sessions (we broke up viciously a lot, only to get back together), I met someone who was very sweet. He did all the things that my ex wouldn't…as in help me with stuff that I needed to do (we were constantly doing things for him). The guy seemed genuinely sweet, and everyone thought we'd be great together. And I liked the attention he was giving me. We began officially dating about a week ago, and soon after I found out something that kinda hurt my feelings and when I tried to bring it up to him, he got really defensive (which took me by surprise because HE was the one who suggested that we ALWAYS talk things out rationally to avoid what happened in my last relationship). I just got more hurt from talking about it and I just didn't want to deal with it. It felt like I was going to relive the same relationship I had prior (because we had some issues like that in the beginning as well).

 

I know this is going to sound really horrible, and I do feel guilty about it, but I ended up going to my ex's house that night. I just wanted acceptance and comfort, and I knew that since we hadn't seen each other for a while, that he would be nice and that we wouldn't fight. I went there with no intention to get close with him, he's kinda the only person I could just "hang" with. But the thing is, he doesn't know about this other guy. But soon we fell back into the physical stuff, and saying "I love you", and now it feels like we're back together.

 

The next day, the new guy and I talked things over and he apologized for hurting me, he said he was sad to think that it could have been "over" before it began. We talked a lot, worked things out and then hung out yesterday.

 

So, now I'm in a dilemma and I'm so confused. I've never thought that I would do something like this, but it seems like I'm caught between two people and I'm not sure what to do. I don't think what I'm doing is right, but I can't choose between the two of them. I really need some guidance and some sound advice. Please don't criticize me, I just really need to know how to resolve this

[DN]

You already know that the relationship with your ex is corrosive and cyclic. Why not give the new guy a chance.

[kskm]

I agree- there is a reason that you broke up over and over again. Apparently something is wrong that isn't being- or going to be- fixed.

 

If this new guy is so willing to do the right things with you, and work at a relationship then why not give him a shot? You will get over your ex in time.

 

It's not wrong of you to love your ex as a person, but it is not acceptable for you to run back and forth between them. Pick one and stick with them (I think it should be the new guy)

[Hope75]

Agreed with DN, you shouldn't even be trying with the ex.

 

If you find you cannot choose between either of them, do not choose either and leave them both.

 

No one deserves to be cheated on.

[torn143]

I agree, that the new guys seems a lot better. But the ex and I just have this connection where we don't have to say a word to each other and everything's just fine.

 

I know that the relationship with the ex will never work out, but it felt almost impulsive to run back to him for that acceptance and that love (however fleeting it it).

 

So, I know I should call it off with the ex, but how do I do this? I kinda don't want to tell him that there's someone else.

[kskm]

You don't have to tell him that there is someone else. It's really none of his business.

[DN]

You don't have to tell him that there is someone else. It's really none of his business.

 

Exactly. Just tell him you made a mistake going to him that night, apologise for misleading him but tell him it's over for good.

[Hope75]

You don't have to tell him that there is someone else. It's really none of his business.

 

Exactly. Just tell him you made a mistake going to him that night, apologise for misleading him but tell him it's over for good.

 

Ditto to what the others said. You need to take care of this before anyone else gets hurt.