Update On What My ex Did... Acting so Strange

[alona125]

I just wanted to share with everyone, I haven't called my ex yet. It has been since Monday night that he hung up on me, and he hasn't called me, and I haven't called him.

After all he has done, I still do miss him, but I have been strong.

I just think of the time I was at his house last week and told me, "if you ever talk to a guy in my house i will punch you in the face." Thats crazy enough from keeping me from calling him.

Still, its the weekend, and we used to spend the whole weekend together.

Do you think he even misses me? How can someone be so callused after 1.5 of being with someone, and not even call me. I wonder if he even will.

Im sorry, I keep asking that question, but it stumps me at how someone can treat someone, who they know loves them, that way.

I wonder how long, if at all, it will take him to call.

I am doing good though, and hopefully by the time he does, I will be strong and not pick it up, or be able to say, "stay away from me."

I know its over, I just need some support as the weekend is here, its kinda hard.

[SouthernSon]

Umm, this caught my eye:

 

"if you ever talk to a guy in my house i will punch you in the face."

 

If someone threatens you with physical harm, there is no reason in the world why you should want to continue being with them and it's even worse that the someone who said that was someone you were in a relationship with.

 

It sounds like you can do much better, friend.

[loveydovey]

My best advice to you is to KEEP YOURSELF BUSY. No matter what. The urge to call him will be great if you're just sitting home alone, cause then your thoughts will surely drift to back when you were together. Don't do it honey. If you need to keep busy for a night, 2 nights, or the whole weekend, then do so. Have fun--read a new book, go shopping, go rent a movie and watch it at a friend's house, go to a party. These first couple of days will be the hardest, but I promise it will get better! \

[alona125]

I know, I have no desire to be with him after what he has done, but I still do miss him. God knows why!

It just bugs me how he can act this way.

I have plans for this whole weekend, and I trust you all that it does get better. THis is my first time doing this, first serious relationship.

I just need some encouragement, but I am getting through this. Its over. Finally.

[Mr Meh]

Its over. Finally.

 

Sounds like you should be relieved, not grieving! You're just missing a familiar routine is th emain thing. It's good that you're keeping busy. IF you start to dwell on him, just laugh at the fact that he probably thinks you're at home crying over him.

[CarterJonas]

Breaking up is hard. But if he is threatening you for just speaking to another guy then he is not worth it.

 

As another poster said, keep yourself busy with things to occupy your mind. It gets easier

[alona125]

Haha =)

 

Im sure he thinks that, because in the past I have been stupid enough to come back. Not this time.

I truly am just missing a familiar routine, not him. Not even the good times anymore. I am relieved, I just need to get past this, and think, I am not missing him, just the familiarity I guess.

He is not even worth a tear.

The funny thing is I can't even cry for him. I miss things, but I haven't cried yet. I

[alona125]

Thanks again everyone. I trust you all when you say it gets easier. Especially when he isn't calling. Its actually better that way.

[Nkaleidoscopic]

First of all, congrats on not calling him.

 

Just keep yourself busy, talk to someone else, especially someone who makes you laugh. If I we're you, I'd even talk to random people online.

 

And as for him, stay as far as possible from him, he doesn't need to be threatening you.

 

Good luck! I know you can keep it up.

 

[Hope75]

I just think of the time I was at his house last week and told me, "if you ever talk to a guy in my house i will punch you in the face."

 

Hi Alona,

 

Good for you girl, hang onto this. Don't forget to remind those who read this that he HAS hit you in the past, pushed you down, called you horrible names, demeaned you, and generally treated you like dirt for a long time. (oh, and don't forget cheating.)

 

You are being very brave, and I am proud of your restraint. Don't forget what he has done to you, and be strong!

 

Hope

[alona125]

Thanks Hope:

I will remember everything he has done. I know its only a matter of a short time that I will not even think of him.

He is not worth it.

[DN]

I second what Hope said. Everytime you think of him and miss him, think of the time he hit you and humiliated you - then you will realise why this guy is a waste of space that you don't need in your life.

[lifeiscash]

I am very proud of you alona!!! you are doing GREAT!!! Breaking up is so hard to do and you know we are all here to support you.

 

My best advice to you is to KEEP YOURSELF BUSY. No matter what. The urge to call him will be great if you're just sitting home alone, cause then your thoughts will surely drift to back when you were together

 

I agree with this, certainly do this. After I broke up with my ex g/f I didn't have a job, summer started, and I was just home all the time very depressed. Well I have been coping better as of late, but just last week I went and got a job and now that I have my life with new PRIORITIES, it takes my mind off of what is really LESS important. Just stay busy, go out with friends, enjoy life.. enjoy the things you couldn't do because he wouldnt let you! There are nice guys out there that WILL treat you the way you deserve. However many girls take things guys for granted.. but thats a different matter. You deserve one of these guys! Good Luck!

[Hope75]

Alona,

 

The weekends are harder, but maybe you can go and see your family or make a movie date with some girlfriends. go to the beach, or have dinner, go shopping.

 

Post here! Anything to keep you busy and keep your mind off him.

 

Another good idea if the weather is nice is to take a book to a local beach or park, pack a lunch , turn off your cell phone and just lose yourself in the book.

 

Or, bring celebrity gossip magazines! My favorite way to lose myself after a grueling day!!

 

Hope

[alona125]

You have all helped a lot. I am trying to keep busy this weekend, and so far I have been ok.

I don't know if it will just hit me, or what, but I haven't really broken down and wanted to call him yet. The urge is there, but not that strong.

I just call up a friend, and post here, and just keep telling them and myself what he has done to me.

My mind still bothers me as to why he, after 2 years, he wouldn't even call to say something nice after what he knew he put me through. Like Mr. Meh said in a post, I should be laughing at the fact that he probably thinks I am at home crying for him. Well, it is pretty funny, because at this point, I have not yet been able to cry for him.

The verbal abuse, the mental torture, the constant nagging, its not something i am missing. Like others have said, I am missing a routine that I will soon hope to forget.

Thanks to each of you for your encouraging posts. I will probably be on here a lot, just to keep myself in chech. =)

[Hope75]

My mind still bothers me as to why he, after 2 years, he wouldn't even call to say something nice after what he knew he put me through

 

Hi Alona,

 

He is not a normal guy. He is not considerate, and he does not love you. Love does not manifest in this way. Love is mutual respect and admiration, caring for the other's welfare, a good solid friendship. He does not respect you, or care for your welfare. He is sick and he does not know how to love and respect someone.

 

This is something that you have to learn to accept. He doesn't feel remorse when he treats you like this, he continues to do it and you continue to accept it. This is where it has to stop. You are the only one who can make it stop. If he calls, don't answer the phone. Spend time with friends, and keep yourself busy. You know you do not deserve this treatment, it has nothing to do with you, and he will do it to the next girl who allows herself to be abused as you have.

 

He will never change and he has no desire to. You are doing well, staying strong, and hopefully on your way. Don't forget what he's done to you.

 

Be Strong!

[alona125]

Hope, what you said helped a lot.

He really isn't normal if he has the capacity to do what he has done to me.

I get sad when I think he may be with someone else right now, but then I know what you said to be true. No matter how great the woman is, he will eventually start treating her like crap.

If/when he calls, I will not answer. So far, I have no desire at all.

Thanks!

[Hope75]

No matter how great the woman is, he will eventually start treating her like crap

.

 

From what I can tell, you are a fabulous and amazing woman, very smart, very caring, very patient, almost to a fault.

 

You are as good as they come. If he should date someone else, you can rest assured that he will do it to her too. It's in his make up, and it really has nothing to do with you.

 

My ex did it too, he beat his wife (that he married after I left him) and hie friends staged an intervention, and still he hasn't stopped. Do I miss that? NO WAY. I feel badly for his wife, but I am so relieved it isn't me anymore.

 

When you have spent some time away from him, this will come to you too.

 

Hang in there!

[alona125]

Well, I have been, minus some mistakes, been strong and have not fell for my exs tactics.

Just to updated, after responding to his text, we did talk, to make a long story short. I was weak, but I knew very sure that I did not want to get back with him, and nothing he was going to say would change that.

Sure enough, he was telling me how he still loved me and cared about me, but all we do is fight. Yes, he went off on what I did wrong, and did acknowledge his temper, but mostly about what I did to ruin things.

Yeah, like him not calling for a week...

Anyways, I was telling him how he is a lot better off without me, we don't work together, and I made some comment about him having fun without me soon, and he thought I was referring to something else....

I guess when he hung up on me, a day or two after he put his profile back up on a dating sight. I didn't know about it, but he thought I had seen it, and said something about it. I was just like, "nice, thats what you do a week after we "break up." His comment was, well, I wanted to get your attention because I knew you would be looking to see if I would post my profile. I wouldn't even consider doing anything like that, but anyways, he also said, "well, my profile isn't active, I can't reply to anyone, but it is because we never get along.

I just said, well good for you, hope you find someone that clicks with you. He just said, "i don't want to be with anyone else though."

 

Anyways, to sum it up, he is going back and forth, not really making sense, but I am just kinda ignoring him. I don't want to get back with, so I don't see a point. He is playing games, he calls, then waits for a while, then calls when he wants. Crazy.

[Hope75]

Hey Alona,

 

Good for you girl, for sticking up for yourself!

 

He is such a Grade A jerk... it really makes my blood boil. What kind of person puts their personals ad up days after a fight, just to upset you and hurt you? He acts more like a kindergartener than a 30 something year old man. It's really sad. It's like a game of who can hurt who more with him, and then he calls and says he loves you? He doesn't even know what love is.

 

He really is a creep.

 

You deserve all the best a man has to offer and more, and he will never change and he will never cut it.

 

You are doing so great, and I can't tell you how proud I am of you! This is the farthest you have come and it gets easier, you are doing fabulously!!

 

H

[alona125]

I have no idea what his intentions were for that. I feel that in a way he did want to find a new date, but still, its such a sleazy thing to do.

Its a combination of both I think, but he is still just crazy. Poor girl who dates him next.

sure, its hard, but I am doing better. He has been playing the weirdest games, contradicting himself, saying one minute he is looking elswhere bc we never get along, and I don't give him everything, then in the same conversation, tells me he wants to be with just me. OK...

Thanks for all the support. I will continue to post, as I do have hard moments sometimes, but you are right, it gets better.

[Hope75]

Keep it up Alona,

 

His inconsistancies are catching up with him and you aren't going to let him abuse you any longer. I am proud of you. so proud.

 

Keep it up! 8)