Friendship, Ex-boyfriends, and lots of BS.

[Nkaleidoscopic]

Bleh .. first of all, i feel really stupid asking for advice, but I overreact ALOT, so I'm trying to solve my problem, and accepting help from other people.

 

Here's the issue:

 

Me and my exboyfriend dated for about a year. The relationship was definitely serisous for being 15, but the breakup wasnt terrible, because we both decided to still remain close and be there for each other. I'm still very emotionally attached to him, because he helped me through alot of things in my life, and I also helped him.

 

But then, this girl came along, lets call her Bettie. She recently had a harsh break-up from a relationship of over a year. She started liking my ex alot right after her breakup. He didnt mind it, he wanted to help her. He agreed to flirt with her even though he didn't like her and wasn't ready for a girlfriend (He said so.) Well, the flirting got kinda out of hand, because she kept excpecting him to put Bettie in front of me. He hardly got online, because Bettie always wanted to be on the phone with him. I thought he'd understand so I told him about this, and I told him I felt left out and replaced. So did alot of his other friends, it just seemed like he had no time for them. Well, we had an argument/disscussion about it, and bettie got herself involved and she hates me and she thinks I'm still in love with my ex and all this stuff. She thinks I want him all to myself. I've told her lots of times that it's not true, I've moved on, but I don't want to lose my friend (my ex). Well he promised I wasnt being replaced, and that he'd start calling me too, and talking to me. Well, it went well for 2 days, until he said he'd call me, but eventually never did because he had to talk to her. I didn't care much, but stuff like that kept happening. So we got into an argument again. This kept going on until we were at our 3rd 'argument'. It wasn't really an argument, we were just trying to set things straight until Bettie found out and freaked out. Then we all started arguing and it was really lame.

 

Bettie still hates me, but I care about her. I mean, how am I not supposed to care when she says stuff like "somebody kill me", "i want to die".

 

I feel terrible, alot of my friends that I've talked about this to say that it's not my fault, but I still feel terrible.

 

One thing I have thought about doing is end the friendship between me and my ex. I love him, like a brother, but if he can't stand me, or something like that, I will gladly leave them at peace. He repetedly says he's sorry, and that he cares about me. I can't ditch him if that's true, you know.

 

Another thing is I've tried talking to Bettie about this, she refuses to listen to me. She thinks I want him 'all to myself'. She wount listen to me though! Because I don't. I never had him all to myself ever since we broke up, and I was okay with that. I'm 15 I understand people change, and things change. She keeps cussing at me and stuff and she wount listen.

 

She wants me and him to not be friends anymore, she thinks I dont deserve another chance. Personally, that doesn't sound very bad to me, even though he was a great friend. He always helped me, its just worth to stop all the fighting. It makes him sad and it makes me sad to fight.

 

I want to know how I can set this straight. I want him to go back to normal. Like talking to me and his other friends and being there for them, but I also want Bettie to be happy. I understand a breakup is hard to go through, but it kinda feels like shes using him to feel loved with the flirting and all.

 

I seriously don't know what to do. I'm not okay with someone hating me and bad-mouthing me. (that would be Bettie). And I'm also not okay with ditching one my of best friends.(My ex.) ...

 

Help!

[bexcelant]

You're young and these things happen even as you grow older. Best thing to do is to give your friend plenty of space and not argue with him. He will remember you as a good friend and all the good times. He'll start to miss you and call you again. Chances are that he'll get tired of Bettie and ditch her. She sounds like a psycho.

 

Bex

[loveydovey]

Well put bexcelant. I think he'll get tired of all her stinginess and eventually bail out. Because if you're saying a couple of his other friends have complained about this, then that means she's hogging all his time. Which ultimately gets tiresome.

 

As a side note, who is she to be dictating who he does and does not talk to? Sheesh Did you say they are dating now?

[Nkaleidoscopic]

Noo .. he says he doesn't like her.

 

I talked to her today and explained to her what she was doing, she seemed kinda sorry, so hopefully things will get better for all three of us.

[SouthernSon]

Get away from both of them for a while and stand firm on it. Perhaps 1 month should be sufficient...just break off contact for a while. If they want to talk, they can initiate it. I know it can be hard, I've had to do it myself several times in my life. It won't always work out how you want it to, but in the long run it will help you heal any pain this experience has caused you.

[Nkaleidoscopic]

See, the thing is, I might not have one month. I'm moving this summer and I also have a sickness/disease that the doctors are not sure what it is. I've lost alot of weight from it and its really painful, I know this sounds lame, but I might even die from it. Even If I don't, I'm moving this summer, 2,000 miles away. I know I'll try to keep in touch, but it wount be easy, and I want to be as close as possible to all my friends right now.

 

I have decided however, to keep my distance away from him. I woun't talk to him unless he calls me. I wount IM him unless he IMs me .. you know that sort of deal.

 

I don't talk to "Bettie" much anyway, so staying away from her isn't a big problem.