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i want to send this to an ex...what do you peeplz think...(also i would like to thank you all for the time everyone puts in here to help eachother out...)


"The point of this mornings convo. was not to re-upset you…like I said I wasn't expecting to even have one with you, especially on this topic. I mean the truth of the matter is, we are both going to have our own outlook on how things crashed, using previous experience and knowledge of self to relate to it all. I am not interested in "blaming" anybody for anything…although I am sure if we sat down and listened to one another (which you have never had an inclination to do) we would prolly recognize a lot about each other that we didn't see or know (that's real)…and like each other more (maybe). I can still see there was a lot of misunderstanding on both of our parts - some prolly still persists. One thing though is, after all that has happened, all that I have said and done, you still question my feelings for you (as in today). When the truth is, I do care about you immensely for all of the reasons I used to whisper in your ear…I do want the best things for you, (is it my fault that I think I am one of those "Best" things)…and if not with me, I want you to be with the "next best" person (be careful out there)…But I ask, what is the point of checking my emotions if you could care less what they are and if they have no affect on you? I mean, nothing has changed in my embrace for you…and honestly prolly never will, you know the ish just doesn't die. But I also know and listen to the things you have told me (out of anger?), etc,… ultimately, you don't want me to do anything for you… you don't want me to be anything to you…being nice to you or expressive and conveying to you through action bodes little for me and nothing from you…so I remain neutral, fighting off both absolute disgust and absolute affection like I said…I want(ed) to love you, but REALLY, because of the past few weeks, have come to expect to never see you again. C'est la vie"


is this too sappy? i mean i am caught between absolute disgusts and "love" --- i am trying to remain civil and as unemotive as possible-which is why i omitted all of the scathing "you did this and suck for it" commentary...

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background: we talked today (i am in the process of returning her ish to her)- she questions why i talk to her in an "unloving" way...my thing is "you don't want my love, so why should i sound like i love you" - in reality i still do, but don't see the point in being fruity with her if it serves no purpose--right? i mean from the post i have read here, i gather you, when it is over, it is over...and in reality it is hard for me to be "neutral" when one minute i am pissed and want to break her head off-not literally- for being "careless with me/hurting me" and then the next send her flowers or something to that effect cuz i wub her (awwwww - whatever)

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