resigned to loosing her

[Tolly]

After 2 and a half years my girlfriend and I spilt. It was the right thing to do as in the last 3 months we had both become miserable. However, after about 10 days I realised all the things that were making me miserable didnt matter a jot if she wasnt there, so I thought I would try to start again with her. You know...meals cinema etc. We had always been close right from our first meeting....real easy.

I rang her 2 weeks later and offered to take her out for a birthday meal, which we had, it was very plesent and easy, but she said she had started seeing someone else. I was quite taken aback as it was very close to the split, but thats her perogative.

We had a few chats and meets after, and suddenly new bloke started to be described as 'more of a friend really'. Then one Friday night we had a night together in the pub which we spent chattin away and when she left she stroked my side. She had even said that she had seen an astrologer and not only enquired about her star sign by mine too. Apparently although we were different we could work things out.

I called her the next day to ask if she wanted to come down to the pub for a drink but she said she couldnt as Paul (new bloke) was very angry with her, had expressed a desire to date and forbid her to talk to me again. This, rather surprisingly, she obe*beep*.

 

Several emotional calls and 2 letters later I had expressed my true feelings and begged her, on two occasions, to tell me there was no chance of getting back together. She couldnt do that and said her head was in turmoil. But she continued to see Paul anyway. Her friends (now mutual friends) told me she would come back and that the new bloke really wasnt her type. Hes a lads lad, likes to get pissed up with the boys and sleep around. But they were all old school friends.

 

Now it seems shes thinks the new relationship is going some where and never thinks of me at all. Where as I think of her every waking minuite. She has also decided that we shouldnt see each other. Its so strange as we were best friends through those 2 and a bit years and now shes happy to write it all off.

 

She has this annoying habit of saying 'I DO love you, Im just not in love with you'. What the hell does that mean? If she loves me then surely theres a chance...but not if she wont meet me half way.

 

I am getting over it...time does heal, but a bit of me thinks it wont last and wants to wait and see.

 

I hate this, how did it all get so *beep*ed up?

[Stupid Guy]

the place you're in is difficult. I know you want so desperately to fight to win her back and let her know you love her. In this situation however, (and I'm sure you've heard this) you need to let her go a little bit.

 

Its okay to keep up hope. Perhaps she will return to you one day - anything is possible. But also allow yourself to be happy - perhaps you will meet someone. If you love her, allow her to be happy. Its difficult because you're not right now, and only she can mend it for you. But she's not going to right now because of the way she feels - and as difficult as it is you need to respect that.

 

One way to look at it. As a person who loves her - you are giving her the greatest gift a lover can give - the room to be happy. Your feelings are hurt because as a normal guy - you want to be the provider of that feeling. But by not doing anything - you are providing her with that.

 

I'm in the midst of it myself - so you're not alone. If you need to talk, or converse with someone who's down there - e-mail me.

 

email removed

 

good luck

[kusela]

We are more or less in the same situation but the difference is, it was my boyfriend who rejected me. I don't know what happened. We were planning for our future together but suddenly he changed and rejected me. He likes to think that it was my fault but actually it wasn't. He said that I am paranoid and rude because I asked him certain questions. Actually, I was just wondering what was happening because I could see all the changes. So that was it. It was I who proposed the break up through e-mail because he did not talk to me anymore. I still love him very much and I'm hurting so bad.

 

The point is, if your ex-girlfriend still loves you, she wouldn't want to hurt you. But I'm not saying that your case is hopeless. If she comes back to you, you were really meant to be.

 

You're not alone. Cheer up! It may not be as easy as erasing a pencil mark but you'll get over it in time.

[Tolly]

It is very strange. Im 30 now and have had a few girlfriends. But never one like this who I miss as much as this.

[kusela]

Yes, it is strange! I hope you're okay now.

 

I already erased all my past hurts but now I'm confused again. My ex-bf said that he realised that he loves me and that he is just confused with what to do.

 

Good luck, Tolly!