my LT boyfriend meets girls on MYSPACE

[dustinthewind]

Hey there everyone.

 

I am hoping that I can gain some insight onto what I should do.

 

Me and my bf have been dating for 8 months, we have ben super happy and stuff. We actually met on the internet. (dorky i know...but we are both really happy and think that it was sorta like fate that we met)...right when we started to become serious he deleted his profile, but showed me that he had a profile on MYSPACE and told me that everyone was just friends.

 

the problem is..that 8 months later, he still goes on it like 3 times a day. He meets random girls (some from far away, some from our town) on this MYSAPCE thing, and chats to them, sends them emails, adds them to msn, exchanges pictures etc. All teh people on his friends list are girls...and the majority of them are skanky and wearing practically nothing. Before we met, I know that he was one of those boys who "accepted" nude pics from girls online.....He told me he stopped and I believe him.

 

On his profile he admits that he is in a realtionship...but i dont know if thats enough. I am insecure about this whole thing...i mean, because we met on the internet, and he has a history of being kinda perverted online to past girls....i dont know.

 

I just think that there is no reason for him to be on this site. am I not good enough for him, that he has to seek other attention? I know he';d never do anything with these girls or anything IN PERSON...but it still makes me super uncomfortable. I dont want to talk to him about it, because Im scared he will think im attacking him. and I dont want to start a big fight or anything. But it really bugs me, and I feel that I am starting to not trust him. I just want him to stop doing it on his own...but I know this wont happen.... Am I overreacting? should I talk to him? What should I say,so he doesn't immediately go on the defensive? advice????

 

 

thanks guys

[newts]

am I not good enough for him, that he has to seek other attention? I know he';d never do anything with these girls or anything IN PERSON...but it still makes me super uncomfortable. I dont want to talk to him about it, because Im scared he will think im attacking him. and I dont want to start a big fight or anything. But it really bugs me, and I feel that I am starting to not trust him. I just want him to stop doing it on his own...but I know this wont happen.... Am I overreacting? should I talk to him? What should I say,so he doesn't immediately go on the defensive? advice????

 

 

I am the type of girl who would be uncomfortable with this sort of behaviour too. Some guys just need to feel wanted by many women not just one, others do it because they are bored in their current relationship and are searching to see what else is out there. These are questions that only your partner can answer. Yes you are good enough for him, the question you should be asking is he good enough for you? The only way to get to the bottom of this is to confront him, yes, it may cause problems, however, if he continues to seek this type of attention you may find yourself single and very hurt. The success of any relationship is communication and why should you feel bad because you don't like what he is doing. Confront him and see what he says.

[goddess23]

hmm...well how exactly did you find out about this? is he open about it? see i think if its something he has hidden from you (from your post it seems that way) then it is something that you need to discuss with him. i mean im not sure exactly what this relationship is like....obviously to you it isnt suppose to be open so you need to be clear about the boundaries in your relationship. you dont need to END IT just discuss it

[sidehop]

If I was dating a girl & was acting the same way with other guys online, I'd be pretty offended as well especially if they are seeking to chat and exchange pictures. That's more then just trying to be 'friends' on the web.

 

If he truly cares for you I'm sure he'll stop...if he can't drop it then obviously there's a reason why...

[OceanEyes]

I honestly don't understand why some people get into relationships. It's easy to hold onto single-person behaviour if you just stay single.

 

Accepting nude pics from some anonymous chick on the internet would be like a slap in the face if I found out that my boyfriend was doing it. It's deceptive, because I wouldn't treat him the same way or feel the same way about our relationship if I knew.

 

How do you think he would feel if you started soliciting yourself to strange men on the net? I don't think that a man in love behaves this way. If you really feel that there is something special there with him, then by all means, try to talk to him about it. If he doesn't stop, then believe me, there are guys out there who don't need validation from sketchy meat-market websites.

[dustinthewind]

hey guys...thanks for your advice..

 

I actually ended up bringing this whole thing up with my boyfriend today. It didnt go over great....but I guess it coulda been worse. he listened to all I had to say, i explained that I was confused, and dont understand why he feels like he needs to do this..etc etc...

 

I tried my hardest for it not to come out sounding attatcking. But he was immediately on the defensive...and told me that he doesn;t know what to say. That he doesn;t understand why I am so insecure. That he is nothing more then friends with these girls, and taht he has it up there that he has a girlfriend. He says he will put my picture up there or something.

 

I dont know...I still am not complely happy...and tried to tell him that this isn;t just an insecurity that we can brush off...like it consumes me sometimes. I really worry about it. But I didn;t want to keep pushing the topic, because he was getting kind of irritated. He isn't going to delete his profile I dont think....but i guess...at least he knows that i am really concerned about this....

 

thoughts?

[heyguys]

i met my bf on myspace too. we first started dating for like a month and he took off his profile on his own cuz he knows that site would cause drama. i took mine off later but we both did it on our own and im glad we did. i know that site ,and i know how guys/ and girls are with eachother, even girls to girls or guys guys, the site is not that innocent. it is for friends, but sooo much flirting goes on with the cute pics and stars and stuff...no good. he should delted if the type of friend s he has on there are girls that all hoochie. i mean there is no reaosn he should talk to them. if you had a profiel and friendships liek hikm hed proba feel insecure that so many guys have access to contact you, and youd prob feel guilty tlaking to the guys. just let him know that this site is asking for trouble. i mean i had a bf when i first opened myspace. we had problems and i eventually met my currnt bf there. i dont regret it, but i know these things happen. i love him, but the way it looks, is that i left my ex for a guy who sent me a message on myspace. let me know what happens, be safe and not naive. take care

[djedix]

Here's myspace drama.

 

I'm at my house, and my g/f's on the computer. A completely random kid from a diffrent state asks for a friends request to my g/f so she sends him a message saying do i know you? and he writes back, lets hope so. or some stupid comment. So i go why bother adding a random guy to your myspace? and she's like i might know him... She doesn't add him. but ofcourse when im not around she goes ahead and adds him to her list.

 

Myspace is good for friends, i guess, then again you can just pick up a phone and call..

[OceanEyes]

Sites like Myspace are one of many where tacky chicks and guys post photos (usually the worst quality webshots) of themselves half-naked; I consider Friendster and Hi5 to be in the same category.

 

These sites are what you want them to be. I am a member of Friendster and Hi5 out of invites from friends, and have to admit that I get occasional messages from strange men interested in something beyond friendship, but I always politely refuse.

 

I don't think that it's possible to just "be friends" with a person on one of these sites if he/ she is after your body in some way - while you're in a relationship. It's possible to be friends with people of the opposite sex, but only if things are platonic.

[BillyJean714]

I find it kinda funny that he claims to love you, but at the same time meets people on link removed. Can't he find something better to do? I'm not big on sites like link removed. It seems rather superficial. Maybe for him, it's an ego-boost. Reminds me of Napoleon Dynamite (the brother, forgot his name, the one who picks up 'hot' chicks online). I agree with OceanEyes, sites like those are pretty tacky. My friend goes on that site a lot,. I saw some of her friends on her friend's list and boy do those girls look desperate and whory. I guess it's a convenient site for them to find f-buddies. I just never understood the fascination behind it all.

 

Anyway, after letting him know that it bothers you, if he can't sacrafise meeting girls on myspaace, then it's probably the right time to cut him off loose. Btw, I wouldn't call it insecurity on your part, but more like selifshness on his part. If he truly valued/respected how you feel, you wouldn't even have to 'ask' him to stop meeting people on that site. It should be a given. If that's his way of showing you how much he adores you, then he's not worth being with. You'll find someone who will treat you right without you having to ask. It just takes a lot of time and patience to run into someone who is truly sincere/genuine to you. You'll find that person. Hang in there.

[LoveOneAnother]

If you honestly believe that he would never cheat on you in real life, then maybe its not that big of a deal? Maybe its just fantasy for him?

 

Is this something that you can deal with?