I am 31, and I so far I have hooked up with 18 guys. I am too ***ty to marry?

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Tinydance said:

The thing is though, unless someone slept with like 100 + people, I think what is considered "too high" is subjective. I could be wrong but for example it seems to me that since dating apps have existed, there's more of a casual hookup culture. Especially amongst younger people, people in their 20's. I'm not saying everyone does it of course but I know many people that do.

I agree that it depends on personal beliefs and values. And often people seem to feel intimidated and/or uncomfortable if they haven't been with that many people, but their partner has. If someone is 30 and they've been with like 20 people, I don't consider it super high. If you're dating someone who has been with 20 people as well then they probably won't care. But some people who are more traditional maybe have only been with 5 - 10 people so maybe they might think it's high. 

Also everyone's life is different. Someone could get married young and be married for 10 - 15 years. So someone could be 40 and only been with a couple of people and someone else could be 40 and never married bit dated and been with 20 people. It doesn't mean the person who has been with 20 people is a ho but it's just the way their life turned out. Some people do want to get married but they just didn't find the right person (or not yet).

Yes and I think it's irrelevant to who we choose as a serious partner.  I had a very low number at age 39 when I started dating my now husband and did he.  By choice.  I had many friends who were and had been promiscuous.  By choice. When a man shared with me that he'd had multiple casual sex partners and was pleased with his choice and still felt that way I knew we could be friends all else equal but not serious romantic partners because our values were incompatible.  I don't buy justifying it based on "hookup culture."  It's a choice when someone has consensual sex and with who they have it.  I respect other's individual choices.  And at the same time I don't have to choose -hypothetically- to be involved in a serious relationship. 

If a younger woman asked me my advice I'd tell her to find someone with compatible values including sexually.  If a man asked her her body count I'd tell her that was inappropriate.  If he asked her about her values about sex as part of potentially getting serious I think that's fine and he should.