Two weeks ago...

[Jaunty]

This is completely off topic, but I'm in the NW of USA and my local friends have some kind of time share in rural Nova Scotia, or maybe Prince Edward Island. They go there all the time and they LOVE it.  I mean they are thinking of moving there permanently.   It's shocking to read about how terrible you found the culture there.

Sorry about the demise of your relationship.  It doesn't sound hopeful though I am slightly inclined to have some grace towards your (ex?) girlfriend.  People react in various ways when under stress, many of those are extreme.

[Kampuniform3]

44 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

This is completely off topic, but I'm in the NW of USA and my local friends have some kind of time share in rural Nova Scotia, or maybe Prince Edward Island. They go there all the time and they LOVE it.  I mean they are thinking of moving there permanently.   It's shocking to read about how terrible you found the culture there.

Sorry about the demise of your relationship.  It doesn't sound hopeful though I am slightly inclined to have some grace towards your (ex?) girlfriend.  People react in various ways when under stress, many of those are extreme.

Thanks Jaunty.  Along with you, I had nothing but sympathy for my gf's plight, and 8/10, didn't take things personally when our interactions weren't picture perfect. However, it did take me a while to reach that level of awareness due to being continuously overwhelmed by our circumstances myself. 

I just wanted to get everything accomplished as quickly as possible so that we could go somewhere else, and resume a happy life together.

Regarding the Maritimes, it's very much a hit/miss proposition. Many parts of southern Nova Scotia are very backwoodish, and have a poor reputation, and there's an equal number of locations in which the people are welcoming and hospitable. We were just supremely unlucky to find ourselves in an inhospitable environment.

I had spent quite a few years living in a couple of communities in northern British Columbia, and had nothing but positive experiences there, making many friends, so I thought that rural Nova Scotia would be similar/identical.

In the first few weeks after our arrival in Nova Scotia, we pulled into our driveway after visiting the town, and noted that our neighbour was having a party out on his lawn with a sizeable number of guests. It would have been obvious to them by that point that we had moved in next door to them.  My gf and I smiled and waved.  All of them watched us, and none of them smiled or waved in return. They all just glared at us in silence.  Of the five households closest to us, only one acknowledged our existence, despite living rurally, and residing there for two years.

Our property had sat vacant for some time, and at some point, another neighbour had decided to cut a road though our densely wooded acreage. There was no deeded easements, so we notified him that we'd prefer to decommission the road.  He flew into a rage, and told us that it was his road, and there was nothing we could do about it.  I erected some fencing at both ends of the road, shutting it off, which made our neighbour angrier.

A large group of locals decided to retaliate.  We heard all of this noise out in the woods late one night, and when we went outside to investigate, noted vehicle lights out in our woods. Ten men in quads were out there "teaching the outsiders a lesson" by cutting down all of our fencing, and riding up and down the road that the neighbour had created.  They then gathered up all the fencing, and drove to our house. They then drove onto our property, and circling our house, dumped the fencing in our yard, and tore up our lawn with their vehicles before driving off into the night.

My gf was terrified beyond belief, and while I had been outside chasing them off our property, my gf had called 911.

We had lived there for almost a year by that point.

If you weren't born there, you "Come from away" and a large percentage of the population isn't welcoming at all.

No one took the slightest interest in us, hence the reason why we/I had no human interaction whatsoever apart from the dealing with cashiers when out shopping.

They have a different rapport with tourists and people with holiday homes, however, as they're not deemed to be a threat.

I'm just happy not to be there, and saddened that my gf is still there...and on her own.

 

[boltnrun]

Many places act welcoming toward tourists because they want their money. But I used to live in a tourist town and the adage was "Thanks for coming and spending your money, now go home." I avoided the "touristy" parts of the city even though I made the decision to move there based on visiting as a tourist several times! 

But I never heard of anything even remotely what you experienced. I made many friends when I moved there, although it is the sort of city where nearly everyone was from somewhere else. Now my home town, that was more unwelcoming. But again, nothing like you experienced. I'm sorry about that.

And I can see where it would become unbearable. When the only person in your life who acts decently toward you is your partner and there are no other outlets, that becomes a pressure cooker. Add in the home reno and it's probably quadrupled. 

If she decides you two are over permanently, do you feel OK about that?

[Jaunty]

39 minutes ago, Kampuniform3 said:

 My gf and I smiled and waved.  All of them watched us, and none of them smiled or waved in return. They all just glared at us in silence.  

 

Damn.  I'm disillusioned.  We think of our Neighbors to the North as being much more polite and civilized than we are.

[Kampuniform3]

2 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Many places act welcoming toward tourists because they want their money. But I used to live in a tourist town and the adage was "Thanks for coming and spending your money, now go home." I avoided the "touristy" parts of the city even though I made the decision to move there based on visiting as a tourist several times! 

But I never heard of anything even remotely what you experienced. I made many friends when I moved there, although it is the sort of city where nearly everyone was from somewhere else. Now my home town, that was more unwelcoming. But again, nothing like you experienced. I'm sorry about that.

And I can see where it would become unbearable. When the only person in your life who acts decently toward you is your partner and there are no other outlets, that becomes a pressure cooker. Add in the home reno and it's probably quadrupled. 

If she decides you two are over permanently, do you feel OK about that?

Ha, ha! Yes, having spent a few years in Banff Alberta, I'm familiar with the Locals/Tourists dichotomy myself. It's not that we detested them, but we did feel superior to them...for god knows what reason, and we couldn't wait for them to leave.

How do I feel?

Nothing short of inconsolable, as I love her dearly.

When I was waiting for my flight in Halifax, and thinking deeply about our situation, it struck me how much of it played out like a Greek tragedy. 

Having that distance-albeit small-where formerly we were together continuously, I could spot every misstep, misunderstanding, and mistake that we made in an instant.  

It many respects, it was a no-win scenario. We desperately needed to communicate, but she truly was in no fit state to do so, so I put everything on the back burner in hopes of one day finding her more open to discussing weighty matters. That day never materialized.

She had received a promotion after our arrival in Nova Scotia, and her workload increased exponentially. She started falling behind, and it was being noticed.  

Add to that the Everest-sized anxieties and stresses that accompanied our daily existence, and is it any wonder we both derailed?

She'd ask me how I was doing from time to time, and I'd reply by stating that she only had to look to herself for the answer, as we were both enduring the same miserable experience, just from different perspectives .

After the incident with the vigilantes, we developed a hair-trigger for any noise on the property, and the sound of a quad motor always had us running to a door or window...just to make sure everything was okay. We never slept properly ever again.

It would have been better if we both took a break to catch our breath, instead of dropping napalm and using the scorched earth method of problem solving. 

Of course, now that I am well rested, I see everything differently, and wish I hadn't lost the plot.

I'm sure that she's not impressed by her own behaviour that night as well, now that she's had some time to reflect without me being present.

However, this is the very essence of tragedies, isn't it?

[Kampuniform3]

27 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

Damn.  I'm disillusioned.  We think of our Neighbors to the North as being much more polite and civilized than we are.

I've had nothing but positive experiences with Americans, and consider the US to be the most unfairly maligned nation on Earth.  

Every American I met was kind, and forthright, and Sweet Jesus, the US is beautiful place. 

I am Canadian, and have never resided elsewhere; however, I prefer the company of Americans, because their je ne sais quoi is far more appealing, far more life-affirming for some reason. 

[Jaunty]

3 hours ago, Kampuniform3 said:

I've had nothing but positive experiences with Americans, and consider the US to be the most unfairly maligned nation on Earth.  

Every American I met was kind, and forthright, and Sweet Jesus, the US is beautiful place. 

I am Canadian, and have never resided elsewhere; however, I prefer the company of Americans, because their je ne sais quoi is far more appealing, far more life-affirming for some reason. 

Wanna swap?  

[Kampuniform3]

1 hour ago, Jaunty said:

Wanna swap?  

I would in a heartbeat.  

"Oh, just one more thing..." as Columbo used to say:

I'll soon be reunited with my family after an absence of two years. I'm never going to live without them ever again. 

 

 

[catfeeder]

21 hours ago, Kampuniform3 said:

... Before the evacuation our situation had stabilized considerably, and we were getting along very well. 

This narrows down the timeframe she turned on you, which might contain a clue as to why.

Quote

... the police officer told me that she was extremely distraught, which she wasn't. 

She was distraught enough to contact the police. She had no way of knowing whether you were alive or dead, and the newsfeeds likely didn't alleviate her fears one bit.

Quote

...When we parted company during the evacuation, I reminded her that if we lost the house, that would truly be the end...

This explains what you said to her. What did she say to you? How did she feel about this? Did she want you to stay there, or did she try to convince you to go with her?

Your story is remarkably lacking in any details about GF's position or her feelings about your actions regarding this evacuation.

Quote

I just cannot understand what happened, and why she chose to just jettison me out of the blue.  

I can only speak for myself, and I don't claim that this is your GF's position or 'the right' position. But if someone I loved insisted on remaining on land that was about to be engulfed in flames, I would be not just distraught, I would be livid.

I'd be furious.
I'd be inconsolable.
I'd be a raving lunatic.

I'd likely need to be dragged off the site by an ambulance kicking and screaming for my loved one to come with me. 

And I'm not sure if I could ever forgive that person for putting me through that. 

Quote

Everything I did, I did for her/our sake. It makes no sense to me. 

She may not see it that way at all. She may view it through a lens that hears that statement as a warped and unrealistic idea about what one man with a garden hose can possibly do to fend off a blazing inferno.

I'd view the house as a thing. But what good is the thing if the cost of it is the life of my loved one?

And what would be his message to me?

That I'm not worth living for if it means losing the 'thing'.
He places more value on the thing than his own LIFE--with me.

You wrote that GF had been willing to step outside your hosts' home for a discussion with you, but she about-faced the moment you started speaking.

What did you say to her, exactly?

Again, my heart goes out to you, and I'm so sorry you're going through this. 

[boltnrun]

That's a good point, @catfeeder.

If you lost the house that would "truly be the end"...of what, exactly? You would have lost your house but still have your lives. 

Many people lose their homes in disasters. It's traumatic, tragic and heartbreaking. But it isn't "the end" of their relationships with their loved ones. 

Years ago my brother's home was seriously threatened by a brush fire. The city implemented a mandatory evacuation. My brother puffed up his chest and said "they can't force me out of MY OWN HOME!!" and refused to leave. Problem is, he forced his pregnant wife and child to remain with him. The flames came within ten yards of their backyard fence. His child was petrified. His He-Man routine resulted in frightening his family.

I don't know your exact circumstances. But I can understand your girlfriend being terrified. 

[Kampuniform3]

9 hours ago, catfeeder said:

This narrows down the timeframe she turned on you, which might contain a clue as to why.

She was distraught enough to contact the police. She had no way of knowing whether you were alive or dead, and the newsfeeds likely didn't alleviate her fears one bit.

This explains what you said to her. What did she say to you? How did she feel about this? Did she want you to stay there, or did she try to convince you to go with her?

Your story is remarkably lacking in any details about GF's position or her feelings about your actions regarding this evacuation.

I can only speak for myself, and I don't claim that this is your GF's position or 'the right' position. But if someone I loved insisted on remaining on land that was about to be engulfed in flames, I would be not just distraught, I would be livid.

I'd be furious.
I'd be inconsolable.
I'd be a raving lunatic.

I'd likely need to be dragged off the site by an ambulance kicking and screaming for my loved one to come with me. 

And I'm not sure if I could ever forgive that person for putting me through that. 

She may not see it that way at all. She may view it through a lens that hears that statement as a warped and unrealistic idea about what one man with a garden hose can possibly do to fend off a blazing inferno.

I'd view the house as a thing. But what good is the thing if the cost of it is the life of my loved one?

And what would be his message to me?

That I'm not worth living for if it means losing the 'thing'.
He places more value on the thing than his own LIFE--with me.

You wrote that GF had been willing to step outside your hosts' home for a discussion with you, but she about-faced the moment you started speaking.

What did you say to her, exactly?

Again, my heart goes out to you, and I'm so sorry you're going through this. 

Hi Cat,

Thanks for helping me work towards an understanding, and I'm happy to clarify a few things. 

She didn't call the police; her friend did. Her friend thought that my actions were ill-conceived and impetuous.

Here's the missing salient points:

-I'm an ex infantry soldier, deep sea sailor, mountaineer, rock climber, have worked extensively in the forest industry, worked extensively in the marine industry, etc. I have had multiple brushes with forest fires in northern British Columbia, and when I lived in Alberta. In essence, I'm comfortable working in environments with high exposures to danger. 

- The one neighbour who detested us was also the fire chief at the local volunteer fire department.  Half of the coterie of vigilantes who visited us that night are also volunteer fire fighters at the same fire hall.  Do you think any of these people would lose sleep if our house burnt down? 

- You cannot fight a forest fire with a garden hose. You create double tracks or fire breaks, removing combustible material. 

- I cleared an acre of land beside the house the previous year which formed a firebreak. The course of the fire would have taken it to the fire break.

- The only combustible material that worried me was a copse of trees 10 meters in front of the house that would have been felled/cleared by me in the event that the fire's direction shifted.

- To prevent the fire breaching the one-acre fire break, I cut back, and hauled away, a stand of pines that could have potentially threatened the house if they caught fire.

- Our house has open exposure to the seashore, and the Atlantic was just 75 meters away. 

- I told my gf that I would do everything in my power to prevent the house from catching on fire, but would happily quit once it was clear that the situation had become hopeless.

- I had several pre-planned escape passages out of danger, albeit very long ones, and one involved heading out to sea on a boat.  

When we parted company when the mandatory evacuation was issued, I told my gf of my plans/reasons for staying, and as she was familiar with my history, raised no objections.  She did tell me that she would prefer that I accompany her, but that she understood my reasons for staying.  I told her that I expected that the power would be cut, but not to assume that no communication meant that I was in peril. There wasn't an emotional send-off, or an extensive conversation, as she had to quickly gather a few necessities, and we had to gather up our chickens to be transported off the property.

My gf has a very strong personality, and has no problems expressing her opinions and preferences, let me tell you.  She's Scottish, doesn't suffer fools gladly, and will happily tell anyone to F-off if provoked. 

Before the power went off, we communicated frequently, and there was never a hint of worry from her, or that anything was awry. Everything was normal until I left the property several days later after the RCMP wellness check, and was reunited with her at her friend's house. 

When I asked my girlfriend to have a conversation in private, she walked away from me in the time it took to speak: "So, (girlfriend's name), is..."

I was going to ask her if anything in particular was bothering her, as I noted that she seemed to be upset by something.  My voice and tone was one of concern and confusion. 

My jaw dropped, as this was completely out of character, as was finding her sitting with her arms and legs crossed ignoring me when I returned to the living room.

As I mentioned, her friend was  dismissive of me, and what I chose to do, so I expect that there was some spillover there. Her friend also interceded in a personal matter, in effect speaking entirely for my gf in a matter that shouldn't have concerned her at all. I felt that her friend was far too enmeshed in our personal affairs, and told her so.  This, too, was way out of character for my gf, as she hated people speaking on her behalf.  None of it was adding up. 

Lastly, losing everything in a fire, and being forced to live like destitute wastrels, doesn't positively enhance lives, or relationships; it destroys them. 

We had lived through many years of hardship already, and it truly wasn't adding a great deal of positive value to our lives. Projecting forward into a worst case scenario, the added stress of losing everything would have destroyed our relationship. After spending eight years together, and very rarely being apart, I knew her very well (until the night of our last argument) and knew that losing everything would have been the final straw.  

 

[Kampuniform3]

3 hours ago, boltnrun said:

That's a good point, @catfeeder.

If you lost the house that would "truly be the end"...of what, exactly? You would have lost your house but still have your lives. 

Many people lose their homes in disasters. It's traumatic, tragic and heartbreaking. But it isn't "the end" of their relationships with their loved ones. 

Years ago my brother's home was seriously threatened by a brush fire. The city implemented a mandatory evacuation. My brother puffed up his chest and said "they can't force me out of MY OWN HOME!!" and refused to leave. Problem is, he forced his pregnant wife and child to remain with him. The flames came within ten yards of their backyard fence. His child was petrified. His He-Man routine resulted in frightening his family.

I don't know your exact circumstances. But I can understand your girlfriend being terrified. 

Yes, you survive, but you no longer live, and relationships are never enhanced by tragedy and hardship. Customarily, this is the point when relationships are most likely to fail...and usually do.

Due to years of sacrifice and hardship, we had effectively stopped living years earlier, and we both acknowledged this fact. 

Sometimes you go through so much that you don't bounce back.  My gf was already in that state. We were both at the end of our ropes, completely exhausted, and then the ***ing fire appeared. 

Please don't take offence, but your brother was a numpty to imperil his family. It was an unconscionable act. 

[boltnrun]

10 minutes ago, Kampuniform3 said:

Please don't take offence, but your brother was a numpty to imperil his family. It was an unconscionable act. 

No offense taken. I thought he was acting a fool and told him so (albeit in different terms). Fire doesn't care about your manly ego or whether or not you're offended by trained experts telling you that remaining in your home could have deadly consequences.

Tragedies can bind people together or pull them irretrievably apart. Sadly, it seems your relationship may not recover. For that I'm sorry. 

I would be curious to see her side, however. I know that's not possible but her read is apparently completely different. 

[Kampuniform3]

25 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

No offense taken. I thought he was acting a fool and told him so (albeit in different terms). Fire doesn't care about your manly ego or whether or not you're offended by trained experts telling you that remaining in your home could have deadly consequences.

Tragedies can bind people together or pull them irretrievably apart. Sadly, it seems your relationship may not recover. For that I'm sorry. 

I would be curious to see her side, however. I know that's not possible but her read is apparently completely different. 

Yes, I would have welcomed her side myself.  All I can work with is the interpretations of the participants here, and a consensus seems to be emerging, thankfully.

In fact, the final argument was almost entirely confined to me being upset by our host's level of involvement in a private matter, and my gf was only obliquely involved. As my gf didn't utter a word, and wasn't participating in the argument I was having with our host...I actually didn't have a final direct argument with my gf at all. 

 

 

[boltnrun]

So for clarification, the host called the police because she felt you were behaving in a way that was frightening or threatening? I'm unclear on when and where (and how) the police came to be involved.

[Kampuniform3]

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

So for clarification, the host called the police because she felt you were behaving in a way that was frightening or threatening? I'm unclear on when and where (and how) the police came to be involved.

Not a problem:

1. Mandatory evacuation, I stay, and gf leaves. Both of us had been invited to stay at her friend's house.

2. For several days afterwards, I stay in close contact with my gf.

3. Power is cut due to the fire, and can no longer communicate with my gf...or anyone. 

4. 24-hours later, gf's friend takes it upon herself to call the police informing them of my activities, and requests that the police perform a wellness check. My gf did not want her to do this.

5. The police arrive at my door, and I ignore them, thinking that they'll go away. The police don't go away, so it's clear to me that they know that I am there.

6. I talk to the police, and they do not object to my plan, stating that they will only return when it's clear that my life is in danger.  The police also inform me that my gf is highly distressed.  

7. Not wanting my gf to be distressed, I pack a bag, and start walking the 17km into town. Fortunately, someone picked me up. 

8. I go to gf's friend's house, arriving in the late afternoon, and receive frosty reception from gf. She isn't communicative.

9. Another fire breaks out several kilometres away, and we're on a recommended evacuation status (I left that bit out in the original telling/might be important).

 

  At all times leading up to the argument with our host, I was kind, considerate, and respectful with everyone.

The argument with the host wouldn't have lasted more longer than a minute, and I walked out of the house afterwards determined to leave.

 It was the husband who suggested I not leave, as he was shocked by just how quickly everything deteriorated , and we went outside and talked about what just occurred for a while.

I talk with the husband, and he had noted my gf's annoyance that night, and agreed that his wife shouldn't have intervened, and was surprised by just how quickly wife became angry.

 

 

 

[boltnrun]

So kind of an overreaction on the part of the friend/host.  Does she not have anything productive to do with her time?  I mean, it's nice if she was concerned about you but that's next level overinvolvement.

[Kampuniform3]

9 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

So kind of an overreaction on the part of the friend/host.  Does she not have anything productive to do with her time?  I mean, it's nice if she was concerned about you but that's next level overinvolvement.

Odd, isn't it, and more than a little creepy.  

 I wouldn't have minded half as much if my gf hadn't stated on multiple occasions that she found her friend to be a long-winded bore.

Her friend was so tiresomely narcissistic that at one point when the friend was out of earshot I asked my gf:

"Good god, is she always this way!?"

"Yes"

"I would have been better off burning to death in the house."

From my point of view both my gf, and myself, finally succumbed to the years of pressure and stress that night, and each of us snapped at about the same time.  

Would you agree with my assessment?

At the time, I truly had had enough.  Two weeks of distance and rest later, I see things differently.

[Kampuniform3]

So, I was talking with a friend the other day about all of this, and they suggested a potential explanation.

I researched the symptoms, and they are a word-for-word match. Apparently, the experience is far worse for very thin women like my gf: menopause. 

Insomnia, exhaustion, hot flashes, significant hormonal induced behavioural swings and changes, etc., a word-for-word match. 

This certainly puts a new complexion on things, if this is correct. 

[Kampuniform3]

So, I’m not really moved by spiritualism, but it is a remarkable coincidence: I found a large wing feather at my door.  A vulture feather. 
 

At first the discovery filled me with dread, as I assumed that a vulture betokened something dark and menacing, but I was incorrect; it symbolizes patience.

Amazingly enough, the appearance of the feather coincided with my decision to take a wait-and-see stance regarding my girlfriend.

I’ve chosen to follow this route, as living with someone for eight years does give you significant insights into how they are thinking. 
 

I truly believe that she will initiate contact within three to six months, and that she will recognize that both of us were emotionally compromised by our circumstances. 
 

It’s also clear to me just how large a role the factors outside the relationship  contributed to our rupture.

Another facet is that individuals overestimate the benefits of decisions, and significantly underestimate the disadvantages, as the meaning of choices changes with time.  
 

I chose the wait-and-see approach, and the silence is telling.  She began by telling me she had seen a lawyer, but after a month, there’s been no follow through.  
 

I’m amazed by just how many pleasant memories of her have appeared after a month apart, and having to acknowledge just how badly our poor circumstances dulled their influence. I’m reasonably certain she is on an identical path at the moment.

Of course I could always be comically mistaken, and she could be having a drunken knees-up with her friends every night, celebrating my departure, but somehow I don’t think so.

[boltnrun]

Fear can cause people to have extreme reactions. For example, one time my two year old son wandered off by himself while I was shopping with him in tow. Of course I was panicked, crying, borderline hysterical when I couldn't find him. The store owner told me she had seen him walk out by himself. I wanted to throttle her for not saying something to me. Who just stands there while a toddler wanders off by himself?? And doesn't tell the mother?? Anyway, the very nice manager of the shoe store three doors down saw my son walking by himself and had taken his hand to lead him back in the direction he had come from just as I ran out of the shop in a borderline hysterical panic. My first reaction was to grab my son and hug him tight while I cried. The next thing I wanted to do was get angry with him for doing something so dangerous. I didn't, though. I was so relieved I almost forgot to thank that nice man for bringing him back. 

My point is, I've seen parents spank their children for wandering off. They're not angry they found the child but were reacting to the worse fear a parent can experience. It's not rational or logical, but it's not uncommon to be angry once the initial fear wears off. 

Your ex may have been so angry at you for causing her to be frightened for your safety she reacted in an extreme way. And allowing her friend to take over may have been her coping mechanism.

So who knows. Sitting back and seeing if anything changes in the next week or two might not be a bad idea. But I wouldn't wait six months. A couple of weeks should be enough time for her to get past her initial fear and anger. Six months would be overkill, IMO. 

[Kampuniform3]

31 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Your ex may have been so angry at you for causing her to be frightened for your safety she reacted in an extreme way. And allowing her friend to take over may have been her coping mechanism.

So who knows. Sitting back and seeing if anything changes in the next week or two might not be a bad idea. But I wouldn't wait six months. A couple of weeks should be enough time for her to get past her initial fear and anger. Six months would be overkill, IMO. 

I appreciate your perspective, as it’s not one that I was able to fully grasp beforehand, being rather thick.  
 

We both behaved abominably, but I now freely admit that my part was the worst of the two, as all I saw was someone who-by her behaviour- seemingly didn’t care at all, so I overreacted.  It all makes sense now, after all the damage has been done…sadly…and I wish she could have said something.  

If not for the heavy handed involvement of the friend, I’m certain this event wouldn’t have reached the height of absurdity that it did.  
 

Yes, six months is quite generous, but three months might not be. Both of us had been run through the mangle so many times that we didn’t know up from down anymore, and it takes time to recover.  

I’m 6252 kilometres away, safely removed from our stress-infused circumstances, and have had ample free time to reflect. 

She, on the other hand, is still dealing with everything over there, and now that I am absent, is bearing the full brunt of everything that I formerly shouldered, and had undertaken to make her life tolerable.  My efforts had been quite considerable.

Her friend, who had an ill-concealed venomous hatred for me, will still be pouring poison into my gf’s ear, as I had been quite candid in my assessment of her during our contretemps during the night of the breach with my gf. My gf will need time to glean that her “friend” is operating from misplaced motives.

Lastly, I held out the Olive Branch immediately, whereas my gf was intent on carpet bombing me into oblivion, so she’ll have to initiate first contact.  
 

It would be fantastic if we could mend everything, as I don’t really think that arbitrarily discarding people in times of crushing distress is the wisest solution…and I miss her a great deal.