Friend talking about herself, not interested in me

[soulsista29]

I caught up with 3 friends from university recently, 3 of us are mums now. It was the first time all of us had been together for 5 years. I was looking forward to it. I needed a night out. I had alot on my mind and wanted to share things with them. However I feel like throughout the night friend A talked a lot about herself and only really asked friend B questions (whom she is closest to). When friend C and I would say something we would get cut off by friend A and she would somehow redirect the conversation to herself. Friend A did not ask me or friend C how we were going. She didn’t ask me about work or the kids or family. Yet I could tell you about all that’s going on in her life.

I didn’t even get a chance to talk much to friend C. I was really wanting to catch up with her as I had not seen her in a long time.

Friend A also complained a lot about being a mum and I know us mums do complain but it seemed she was working full time to get away from her kids. She had the option of working part time and finances are not an issue for her.  I work part time so I can pick up the kids from school and attend school things and I’m fine with that. 
Friend B asked how I was going but by that point we were walking out and I lied as I didn’t feel comfortable discussing my issues to the group (or to friend A who doesn’t seem to want to listen to me). 
I came home from the dinner feeling rather depressed and upset that I wasn’t heard and questioning my future friendship with friend A. Am I right to feel this way? 
 

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, soulsista29 said:

I caught up with 3 friends from university recently, 3 of us are mums now. It was the first time all of us had been together for 5 years. 

Sorry you're disappointed.  It seems like a sort of mini reunion. Do you see any of them regularly?

How close are you to any of them? Acquaintances/classmates? Someone you're regularly in touch with/ close friends? 

Maybe all 4 of you had too much on your minds and wanted to talk. Try to focus on whichever one of these is a regular good friend. 

[Batya33]

I think that it can be really hard with a group of 3 friends - it really does affect the dynamic and I think your expectations going in were unrealistic so that you were hypersensitive to whether your goal -to share a lot and get a lot off your mind - was being met (ironically what you judge your friend for is what you actually wanted -to get more than average air time.

Second unrealistic expectation -that you'll have stuff in common just because you are mothers - meaning you already have a lot in common as friends and it doesn't mean you'll have the same parenting styles and approaches.

Please don't judge your friend for working full time - I don't have to work at all financially.  It would be fine if I didn't since I worked 15 plus years full time before becoming a mom and saved a lot of $$$$.  I work for two reasons (I was home for 7 years full time my son is 14) - one is I love my career and the contributions I can make especially since now I can be choosy since the $ isn't as important. 

Two is I do it for me- I didn't realize to be honest that I needed to work outside the home for my mental health (which is partly because my work is meaningful to me, not just a job) - I started looking when my son was mid year through kindergarten (age 5 almost 6) and given my gap in not working plus needing a very specific type of job/hours to prioritize childcare it took me about a year to find the right position -and I'd never worked in my state/city before! 

When I started working part time I realized how good it was for me as a person, as a mother, as a wife.  I was a teacher in a prior life - before my current career.  I was a nanny, worked in day care centers too, volunteered in homeless shelters weekly for 7 years reading to young kids - I was an active Auntie to my sister's 4 kids - and....... I really do hate going to almost any school thing or function or volunteering at them particuarly the made up ones with the theme days, the 100th day of school, field day, blah blah.  I went to a few this year because this year his school was a 10 minute walk instead of a 45 minute public transit schlep.  I never liked hanging with the other parents to volunteer, I did go to the classroom to be the "mystery reader" and I went for the awards ceremonies etc but when I did volunteer work I preferred to do fundraising work at my local public radio station. I loved teaching and I wanted my son to be taught by his teachers, to spend the day with his classmates, to be away from our home and learn independence, resilience, interact with other adults. I deferred to his teachers as much as possible, I wasn't the helicopter parent emailing for every little thing, and I was glad to have the "break" too. 

Also I wasn't the parent in the teacher's face "volunteering" to curry favor -it doesn't work.  In his kindergarten and first grade year I volunteered in the school cafeteria and the library fairly regularly -but only when my son couldn't see me -why? Because back then if he saw me he wanted to be with me and go home. 

I loved what I did because it had minimal interaction with the gaggle of moms who loved being class mom/crafting/putting up collages on bulletin boards -I am so thankful for the mom gaggle -I don't have a crafty bone in my body -and it's so not me.  

So please stop the judgey stuff and assuming she wants to get away from the kids-if she does her husband maybe is better as far as patience level, or being Fun Dad -it works for them.  Maybe she doesn't want to share with you that there are actually financial issues looming.  One reason I work is heaven forbid something happens to my husband and he has to restrict his work or stop working.  We're 56 years old.  

Also I totally believe you that this other friend didn't ask about you but again realize what your mindset was going in. I gave you these details to show you there's really not one way to parent or be a mom -please defer and assume that you don't walk in their shoes even if you both birthed or adopted kids.