Used for attention and thrown away

[Reignonme]

.

 

[Batya33]

I don’t think you were used. You knew this person was married. Married people can have platonic friends of course but sexting etc is not what platonic friends do. You took the risk of getting attached to a married person. You could have cut off contact at any time. Why are you lying to yourself ?

the real victim here is the spouse of the person you chose to exchange sexual messages with. I guess from now on keep your romantic entanglements to people who are single and available. 

[Reignonme]

The person had said that were unhappy and would become available

 

[Batya33]

Just now, Reignonme said:

The person had said that were unhappy and would become available

 

Next time say that’s good to know. Call me when your divorce is final for a year. You chose these risks I feel very sorry for the partner who had to find out the spouse was sexting with you. I can’t imagine that sickening feeling. Luckily my spouse treats me and our marriage with respect. And so do our friends. 

[Kwothe28]

15 minutes ago, Reignonme said:

The person had said that were unhappy and would become available

 

Every married person who cheats is unhappy in marriage and would divorce soon. That is a standard BS excuse they serve you. While in reality they could be happily married and just want some action on the side. 

[JoyfulCompany]

Things you can't do/have:
 - commitment from this person;
 - apology from this person;
 - going back in time and choosing not to get involved with this person;

Things you can do:
 - take your part of the responsibility;
 - learn from the experience;
 - move on;

I don't see anyone being used in the situation. You both got some fun and an ego boost. You didn't sleep together, you didn't give him a money loan, etc.

As to learning, there are quite a few things:
 - It isn't smart to get involved with a married person (or person in a committed RS), no matter what they say. Even if they've made their mind about ending their marriage/RS, it takes time and it can be messy. Most of the time they're not even considering it.
 - Some people are just snakes - telling the side person their SO is horrible and unbearable, while telling the SO the side person is a crazy stalker. Often times they claim they're not even sleeping in the same bed with their long term partner but, surprise - them or the partner suddenly get pregnant.
 - Texting only is maintaining an illusion - maybe you clicked on every level, maybe not - everyone can text whatever lie they feel like telling. Best to get to know people in person.
 - Sexting without commitment is for fun... or, yes, with the hopes of eventually getting sex.
 - Feeling love from texting with someone for a month is mere projection, not true love.

I see you're feeling bitter but count your blessings that this stopped sooner rather than later. If you blame them 100% for what happened you'll never learn to know/do better and you can get in a similar situation again. Do not seek any communication or explanation from this person, block them if needed. Remain professional and distant. Do things that make you feel good about yourself and, when ready - start dating outside of the workplace.

[Reignonme]

Thank you for the non judgemental response Joyful company

 

[Batya33]

47 minutes ago, Reignonme said:

Thank you for the non judgemental response Joyful company

 

You judged the married man as using you and throwing you away.  Please don't play the victim here. I think you'll make good choices in the future.  Many years ago my then best friend fell in love with a married man -she was single, also a virgin.  They had an affair -they'd been grad school classmates and friends for years and she fell for him.  Finally, after he had another child with his wife and kept making promises he didn't keep she ended it.  Wasted 2-3 years on him. Met her husband through match.com about a year later.  Wonderful man.  

Shortly before the wedding in her early 30s she was diagnosed with late stage cancer.  They married. Couldn't have kids of course.  She died 2.5 years later after battling cancer.  18 years ago next month.  I miss her so much.  Can you imagine had she not wasted all that time on the married man what positive things she could have been doing instead with her life -her life that ended so young??

Think about it.

[Reignonme]

Thank you all for sharing ❤️🙏

[Zivma]

I am sharing my comments from the perspective of the man's wife. I am in the same situation and I found out not long ago that my husband found comfort on another women attention. We are in a long distance relationship and I acknowledged that we had a lot of issues in our marriage and I believed this has put a lot of pressure on my husband as it was difficult for him to approach me with some of the issues his going through especially if it's about our marriage. Often mens find comfort from other women's attention to satisfied their ego.

I saw some of his text messages to the woman he worked with, eventhough he claimed that she is just a close friend he can confide with, I cannot deny the betrayal and pain I felt at that time. The actions that they both engaged with are inappropriate for a married man and single woman. No matter what the circumstances or even if its true that they never engaged in sexual act. But its a fact that betrayal doesn't necessarily mean sleeping with someone but instead is the lack of respect you show to your partner. 

So as a woman who had first hand experience of this type of betrayal, I advised you to seek a wholesome honest relationship with someone who can give you 100% respect. I am willing to divorce my husband of morethan 20 years if we are not gonna be able to address the issue. Morethan me, the one who will suffer the most are our children. You don't want to be the person who contributes to breaking a family apart. 

Don't do unto others, what you don't want other to do unto you. You don't want to experience what his wife experienced because of her husband betrayal.