Jump to content

Zivma

Members
  • Posts

    7
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Zivma's Achievements

Rookie

Rookie (2/14)

  • One Month Later
  • Dedicated Rare
  • Week One Done
  • Conversation Starter
  • Reacting Well Rare

Recent Badges

6

Reputation

  1. Thank you for everyone's input, I think this really just confirm what I really feel about our situation and also confirm that I'm not a bad person asking to end our long relationship. It's always good to have different perspectives than my own enable to see the issues much clearer.
  2. Thank you, I really appreciated your advice. I definitely think it's beneficial to reflect, working it from the start just to see where it went wrong. To be honest we are not always like this, this really just started after he lost his business and gone into financial difficulties. However we overcome it and become stable once again, we also manage to retain a lot of our assets but his an ambitious man and always want to strive further, it's not a bad thing but it caused our relationship a riff and distance when decided to start a new venture abroad. It's extremely difficult to balance all our wants especially because we both pursuing our own dream and purpose and non is willing to sacrifice for one another but of course non of us should sacrifice but finding that balance and understanding each other is more important. I think we lost our deep connection and this doesn't help.
  3. All valid points definitely, I'm also aware of all the legality it involves as we both share a lot of assets. Yes, both of us are European citizens and both are Muslim in faith. Morethan that I'm just really conflicted because of the children and because of the years we spent together building our family together.
  4. Definitely not the case, as much as he has the right, I also have the right to asked for divorce. Usually it's a mutual agreement between two people. It's also the same rules with taking another wife.
  5. Yes it's a Muslim that allowed polygamy. He currently reside in Dubai and I am in Ireland. However, there's so many factors to looked at before a person can take other wife. In his case, he found it hard as he is away and that his needs are not getting fulfilled and he also felt sorry for this woman that he wants to take her as second wife and create a home and family for her. Although his allowed, he needs to consult me if I allowed it. Additionally in our religious belief, I have the right to ask for divorce as well as I can enforce it if needed by law. Now he understands why I don't want him to have another wife, it's not that I lacked to fulfilled his needs, rather is the situation he choose to be in that created a problem to himself. I told him that I can't turn 180 degree to leave me and children life here to be with him. Rather he needs to make the adjustments needed to fulfilled his responsibilities as husband and father. Based on him that he didn't want our marriage to end and that his fighting his own desire towards having feelings for other women. I appreciate that his choosing me over any other women. However, I didn't want to be an option to begin with and I just don't know if I should give him another chance and help him fight his desire or if I would rather just let go and moved on. I felt that perhaps rather than love we developed an attachment issues, that perhaps we are dependent on each other presence.
  6. I've been married for morethan 20 years, me and my husband were college sweethearts and have 4 lovely kids together. 2 year ago he decided to start venture abroad after closure of his business during the COVID. I supported his decision to go partly because I knew that his feeling really stressed about not having his own business to run and not able to contribute as much as he wants to, it's been weighing him down. My aim to support him was purely for him to have a good mental wellbeing. I guess we've had a lot of issues prior to this but like every other marriages that goes through stuff to deal with, one of this issues is that I suggested to get divorce as the stressed was getting to much for me. But we eventually worked things out and decided to give our relationship a chance because I still love him and for the children. However, last year he has started to asked me random questions like if I ever like someone, that I can't help myself that I started falling for that person. I obviously just answered him without reservation and said, "well I never really felt that way because I'm not looking" I also said of course it's normal to have crush or something, I have lots of celebrity crush but not to the point I'm involve with someone. It was just a conversation we had and though nothing much about it until he confess that he found himself falling for someone and asked me if he can married another wife. After hearing that, I was just feeling so conflicted, I feel hopeless that this man is falling for someone else other than me. I knew that in our religion his allowed to do so, as long as there's a mutual agreement but morally to me it's wrong. I simply expressed how I feel and told him "listen, I'm feeling *** and felt betrayed that you are inlove with someone else, I really don't want to be part of your option and I don't want to share you, so if you decide to take another wife, you cannot expect me to stay". I guessed he thought this over for few days but it was same to me too, I could not let go to the fact that he got another option all in a sudden, therefore I suggested we get divorce. I though to myself, I love this man but I don't want to hold on into him, I don't want to stop him from having that love and want him to be free but also I don't wanna be hurt further by being part of an option to him so I rather let it go. But he pleaded that the most important and his priority is me that's why he told me first before he goes any further and because I am against it that he would learn to avoid and have a better control of his feelings. He said that we cannot just throw our marriage of morethan 20 years and that we have to make it work no matter what. I felt crappy after and felt that maybe I'm the issue because I can just easily forget about this marriage and move on so I wanted to give it another chance, I said to myself I never once experience a problem with him involving other parties so perhaps this is a fleeting feeling his feeling because of loneliness. So we eventually moved on and decided to stay, we addressed some of the issue and find ways to get more closer. He comes back home at least once every 2 or 3 months max and we spoke all the time perhaps mostly just about issues with kids or home related problem but we also talked about we misses each other and so on. We never lack the chemistry in bed when he comes back home as well as our night sex conversations that we are open about to each other. However, it all changed again when he came back recently. I saw some text messages on his phone that was red flags to me. His been flirting with other womens, although I knew that he has a flirty character in general but one particular woman his flirting with showing me all red flags. I confronted him and asked why would he have that kind of messages with other women. 'your cute, cute, cute' ' your thinking about me ' ' you miss me ' ' i will come over now ' He often goes at her place at night to talked to her about his issues and he felt really comfortable to confide with. It was just unacceptable to me and felt really hurt. Just all my emotions rushing down all at once and felt everything I done was for nothing. He explained how he worked with this woman and this is just how he talked to all of the women. He later confess that he found it comfortable talking to this woman about anything, even things he can't talk to me about. However he also said a lot of upsetting things. To cut it short I wanted divorce but this time I wanted to hear his opinion before making a final decision if we can still work it out. I think the biggest factor why I felt I had the need to stay at one point is because I betrayed him 16 years ago, although he forgive me but he has not completely forgotten, he claimed he forgive but I believe he has not completely moved on from it because everytime we have an argument or issues, he always need to remind me of a sinful woman I am. I felt like I'm being emotionally manipulated because of my mistake 16 years ago and he used it constantly as a hostage to justify all his actions while keeping me at the same time. This is also part of the reason why I wanted to leave, partly because I love him that I don't want to carry on with the cycle of blame and hurt. He said that we have to fully addressed the root of the problem in our marriage and I completely agree with that. He also expressed how he felt that his not loved enough because I have always expressed my desire to leave him. However, to me I felt that we are not in the same wavelength and morethan loving someone, we need to love ourself more rather than having self inflicted pain because of issues in our marriage. I love him and my children but I am learning to love myself more so I can provide even greater love to everyone. He travel a lot and I am also have a very busy schedule with work, srudies, kids but we decided to meet up after we have done reflecting. I wanted to know other people thought on my circumstances, your advice will be greatly appreciated.
  7. I am sharing my comments from the perspective of the man's wife. I am in the same situation and I found out not long ago that my husband found comfort on another women attention. We are in a long distance relationship and I acknowledged that we had a lot of issues in our marriage and I believed this has put a lot of pressure on my husband as it was difficult for him to approach me with some of the issues his going through especially if it's about our marriage. Often mens find comfort from other women's attention to satisfied their ego. I saw some of his text messages to the woman he worked with, eventhough he claimed that she is just a close friend he can confide with, I cannot deny the betrayal and pain I felt at that time. The actions that they both engaged with are inappropriate for a married man and single woman. No matter what the circumstances or even if its true that they never engaged in sexual act. But its a fact that betrayal doesn't necessarily mean sleeping with someone but instead is the lack of respect you show to your partner. So as a woman who had first hand experience of this type of betrayal, I advised you to seek a wholesome honest relationship with someone who can give you 100% respect. I am willing to divorce my husband of morethan 20 years if we are not gonna be able to address the issue. Morethan me, the one who will suffer the most are our children. You don't want to be the person who contributes to breaking a family apart. Don't do unto others, what you don't want other to do unto you. You don't want to experience what his wife experienced because of her husband betrayal.
×
×
  • Create New...