Loved a co-worker for 3 years. Still see him every day.

[hurtAgain]

Here is my sad story...

 

I met this guy about 4 years ago, and after 6 months of flirting, we hooked up. At the beginning, everything was amazing with him. We work together, on the same floor, so we used to see each other every day. I have a 5 year old son (he was 1 year old at the time). Anyways, I fell in love with him so hard, that I pretty much did everything for him.

Until, some of his friends said that he was a stupid to stay at home while I was taking care of my son. So, he started going out, and of course, started cheating. Well, he killed me inside. I never did anything to hurt him...I stayed home and wait for his calls. The fact that he was sleeping around, it started not to bother me anymore. He kept telling me..."You're european (he's lebanese) and that's why I like you...You are easy going and open minded"...Well, it started to take a toll on me, but at the same time, my love for him grew stronger. Don't ask me why. Couple of times, believe it or not, I broke up with him. Well, he'd take that opportunity to go with other girls, of course. And I knew it.

Than, after couple of days, he'd come into my office, or send me an e-mail telling me how much he misses me, and the girls from the week-end didn't turn him on as much as I ever did. So, what does stupid over here do? Go back for more. Our intimate times were the best...Mind you, I only had 3 boyfriends in my 30 years of life...(PATHETIC, eh??). Anyways, it went on for 3.5 years...I even got implants for him...PATHETIC

Well, one day when I had enough, instead of being strong and let him go, I called one of the girls, and she was so surprised to hear that he had a girlfriend. I was not mean to her at all, not my type, but I guess I got jelaous...Well, he found out and told me that things are over. Finally!!!

Well, it took 3 days for him to call me back. We ignored each other at work. He told me that he's gonna let his ego down and tell me how much he loves me...blah blah blah. So, stupid over here, goes back, because I guess I hadn't had enough.

Well, 3 weeks ago, my ex-husband called him (he saw us together and he's also very possesive). I don't know the conversation, but we are all adults here. Well, my bf told me that things were over and he's moving on...and so should I. Well, it killed me all over again.

He said that the fact that I have a child (what, he just found that out??), and because of all the drama when I called the other girl, it turned him off. I guess was a turn on for me when he'd go out with all the other girls!!! I started begging and asking him to re-think his decision. I guess at that point my pride was out the door...once again. He said that his parents will never accept a girl with a child, especially that I'm christian.

Well, it's been 3 weeks since we have not been intimate...and my heart can't seem to heal. I cry, I go on the internet to read up on break-ups. He just sent me an e-mail asking how I am. I know I can't talk to him, because it hurts too much to find out that he's moved on. I don't have any friends...I spent my time trying to please him and wait for him. I NEVER cheated on him. Once we were at the clubs, one guy bought me a drink. my bf saw that, and what does he do???? He goes to one of his many girls he knows at the bar and starts kissing her in front of me. ON MY B-DAY.

He wants to break up to see what's out there for him (I do wander if there are any girls left he hadn't slept with)...and if he's still in love with me, we'll get back together. THIS IS FALSE HOPE, right guys?

 

Ok, I feel better after writing this...he just walked by my office.

Now, what do I do? I know I should ignore him, but it's so hard. Like I mean I put up with everything for soooooo long....What's another girl.

 

The only thing is that this girl wants to wake up now. So, any advices?

Anything, I will appreaciate.

 

God bless this forum

[duchesstigerlily]

I'm sorry you have had to go through all of this. I would say that you are better to try to move on now that he has said that your relationship is over. Take this an opportunity to move past this and meet someone better...someone decent who will respect you.

 

I dont think your ex. was the type of person you should have around your child. Evidently, he isnt a very good example of how a person is supposed to be behave themselves. So think of that as another good thing about not being with him anymore.

 

I know what its like to feel like you cant get away from someone and you find yourself always going back no matter what hurtful thing they have said or done. Just remember that if he really loved you and "missed" you then he would treat you like gold and wouldnt feel the need to be with other women. He sounds extremely immature and also sounds like an std just waiting to happen.

 

I'm sure you know that it will take awhile to get past this and to totally move on and you might have a couple of weak moments but keep your head up and dont waste any more of your time...your life...on someone who says they care but doesnt act like it...words are only words if there are no actions to back them up.

 

I wouldnt say its false hope that you could get back together but I think you would be fooling yourself to believe he loves you and I dont think it would be wise for you to even consider risking your feelings again on this guy. He probably will come crawling back but what you need to do is leave him at your doorstep and dont let him in. Let him know that you arent a doormat to be walked on whenever he feels like it. You're a strong woman, a mother and you need to realize your own worth.

 

Hope this helps somewhat.

[socalguy123]

you should go see a shrink. this guy is a nutcase, has no respect for you, and doesn't give a damn. and you seem to be drinking it in. if you love your child, you have to love yourself--and if you love yourself, you wouldn't put up with this crazy guys' poisonous effect on your life.

 

see a shrink, or figure out some way to get your self-esteem at the proper levels. or... get a new job away from him?

[hurtAgain]

Thank you duchesstigerlily....

 

Very nicely put...Yes, I was the doormat, no doubt about it. I allowed myself that, and no one else is to blame.

Yes, the std is bound to happened. He's had unprotective relations, and the doormat over here, took him back.

You're right...I may not be the smartest girl in the world, but I need to be the smartest mom...

 

 

OH MY GOD, guess what....he just asked me if I was going for lunch. I was in the process of typing this, and when he walked into my office, I gave him a 'what do you want' face, and I said NO.

He was really surprised, since I was always all smiles everytime he walked in......................and OUT.

 

Love ya, guys

[duchesstigerlily]

Nah, it has nothing to do with being smart! Lots and lots of people have stayed in very bad relationships because of fear of being alone, fear of the unknown (the future) and all of that stuff. You arent unique for wanting to be loved and for wanting a certain person in particular to love you....the problem is that this person cant love you the way you want and deserve to be loved. He's selfish and obviously is only concerned about what will make *him* feel good and not you or any woman that he is with (feel bad for the girl that gets suckered into marrying him one day).

 

Have you considered seeing a therapist? They can do wonders for your self esteem and can teach you how to value yourself, techniques for assertiveness and lots more. The better you feel, the better mom you will be to your child in the long run and the better chance of having a healthier relationship with someone else in the future.

 

Good for you on letting him know you arent interested. I think the less you talk to him, the better you will be...keep it strictly work-related. Is there some way you can switch jobs? I know that isnt always the easiest solution...so if you cant, then, as I said, keep it work-related and make sure he knows you are moving on.

[gelfling]

hurtAgain

 

Read your post and your man makes me burn with unger

And agree with other posts of Dutchess, he is not a good influence to your kids either.

 

I can imagine how you love and dedicated to him, but you are way too good lady for someone like him.

 

WE THINK OF YOU.

WE CAN SARE OUR FEELING IN HERE TOGETHER, ANYTIME.

 

Please get through your afternoon in this office today.

[hurtAgain]

dear gelfling....

 

And what I initially wrote, is just a 'quick' paragraph.

I don't like when people feel sorry for me, because I've done it to myself. Don't think for one minute that I write in here just to hear people say "oh my god, you poor girl". Oh, hell no.

I need you to tell me how stupid I was for ever having feelings for this guy.

And yes, I feel sorry for the other girls, after me....and the girls he was with while he was with me.

 

It's hard, here at the office. I'm supposed to be working, but all I do is browse through this forum. I fight the urges to send him an e-mail, or walk 'by chance' by his office just to take a look at him.

The worst part is, that I still can't imagine life without him, and that's my heart thinking. My brains (if any!!!) tell me to move on.

For the past 3.5 years I went to his office every day, at 4:30 to say bye...and you know!!!

 

Today, I'd like it to make it the first day when I WON'T. It will take every fibre of my body to be into place for that to happen.

 

I look at myself every day in the mirror, and I ask God what was wrong with me...Y he did that. And I think I know the answer...I went back on my decision once and from that moment on, he took me for granted.

When he first cheated, I should have kept going. ANd I did...until he came back. ANd it was downhill from there on.

 

Thanks guys!!!

[duchesstigerlily]

Just keep fighting those urges and eventually it wont be so hard! He's relying on the fact that you will take him back or still show an interest...just do the opposite...make yourself happy first and then bring someone into your life who can add to that happiness.

 

Just think about what it will be like to not have to worry about him anymore. You can relax...enjoy things and not have to feel upset or crappy because of him. Someone else *will* come along...someone better but it wont happen if you continue to attach yourself to someone who is abusive, at least, on an emotional and mental level.

 

Take care of yourself...you're worth it!

[hurtAgain]

well, girls and guys...here is what happened today...at work.

 

Last night, I didn't call...Instead, I occupied myself with watching "miss Universe". So, no call to him.

 

This morning, he walked by my office and said 'good morning'. I said 'good morning'.

As I was going to the water cooler, he was behind me. He stopped me to let me know that I look really good. I said 'thanks' and walked away. He than called me to ...'chat'. I felt like telling him, that how come he says I look good now, when all he did was tell me to keep working out...I'm 5'8' at 135 pounds. I don't think it's that bad.

 

Anyways, I pretended I didn' t care, but it took a lot to stay strong. He told me that he hadn't had sex since we broke up...3 weeks now. I'd like to believe that.

Well, I never thought it was possible, but the ingnoring part is working somehow. Not only that I hold my grounds, and get over him that way, but I don't sound pathetic anymore.

 

This is just a venting msg.

thanks

I.

[gelfling]

hurtAgain, your strength is inspiaring me.

 

sorry if I sounded sorry about you but I really meant you could be beautiful as you are without his influence.

 

may be am still full of self pity and not as strong as you were today.

[hurtAgain]

dear gelfling

 

no problem at all....One day you're sad, the other strong, the other weak.

I may not be as strong as I am today, but only time will tell.

 

Thanks for writing back. Stay Positive.