Why won't my wife divorce me?

[catfeeder]

11 hours ago, reinventmyself said:

Originally, I viewed talking to an attorney as the final blow and a definite decision.  But giving myself the permission to merely seek information and not do anything about it, I was able to even make the phone call to begin with.

Great distinction between obtaining legal ADVICE versus taking legal action.

None of us can know what we don't know.

Learn 'something' first, then your questions may change along the way.

[Wiseman2]

On 2/14/2022 at 1:15 PM, duragauge said:

 she didn't feel safe.  I felt bad and helped her find an apartment 

Helping her and her lover get an apartment is seriously sticking your head in the sand. So is this daydreaming about grandpa in a convertible.

Sadly your marriage is over. Pondering won't help. Perhaps you both have midlife crisis? 

After this long estranged, it's doubtful things will recover.

She owes you child support. And yes, while your head is in the sand, she'll spend all the money with her new druggie lover.

[maritalbliss86]

Haven't read any comments yet, but apparently this happens a lot.

I'm sorry she did this and is using you. At least you aren't out there alone, lots of other men are in your position....

[maritalbliss86]

On 2/14/2022 at 2:09 PM, duragauge said:

Thanks for the feedback, you've given me a lot to think about.  Let me answer a few questions.

 

No, she's been able to scrape by on her own financially so far and has benefits from her job.  I have been putting $$$ into an account regularly that she could dip into (roughly what monthly alimony would be) but she's left that alone so far.

 

I'm about 90% sure.  I came across a love letter from him where he said she's taught him what true love is and that now he knows her in "an intimate way" and wants to marry her.  She denied anything sexual but also told me if I didn't allow her to date him during separation she would file for divorce.  That was before she moved out and I don't see any reason why things wouldn't have escalated now that she's got her own place.

 

That's a good question.  Early on I would have to say I was afraid of the future and of being alone.  Now, however, I'm fine emotionally, have fun plans for the future, and am enjoying my time with the kids.  

I don't have a desire to settle down with anyone ever again.  My youngest will be off to college in 7 years.  I'll focus on the kids until then and afterward I'll be the fun dad/grandpa who flies around the world and drives a classic convertible.

So I guess my answer right now is that I don't see what I have to loose by waiting a bit longer.

This is a great attitude! Love it!

[maritalbliss86]

As for what's in her head... I've read it's called, "fear of missing out," and it is what you previously guessed, she missed out on the young years or having lots of sex with random men (a lot more women place value on this than you'd think unfortunately).

 

Not everyone goes through that, but it looks like this is her "mid life crisis" moment and trying to have both kinds of men (the young irresponsible immature but sexy one and the long-term, mature responsible one to use financially or as a backup in case irresponsible sexy boy goes sideways).

Not everyone experiences this when they marry young. We've never experienced this and still have an excellent sex life and are madly in love, so don't blame it on her not getting to experience other guys or freedom or whatever. That could be some of it,. It ultimately she should have worked this out with you. Made **your** sex life together better... Those kinds of things ❤️

 

The grass is greener where you water it 

[Wiseman2]

This is the best type of attorney to hire:

The wolverine is also a powerful and versatile predator. Its prey are many times larger than itself.