Need advice, what should I do to remain friends with girl

[eddie500]

OK I need to know what I should tell this girl to try and remain friends.

 

OK, I've been friends with this girl for about 2 months. bascially this girl isn't so much my type (bascially not attrative enough) so I just decided to remain friends. This girl from the beginning I could tell really liked me a lot.. that was nice and all but I wasn't going to take things further.

Than into our friendship I decided maybe I'll take things further for a little fun. So I thought I'd just go really slow.. and what I did was start by sitting side by side sharing the same chair as we used my computer.

The next time I decided to take things further and sit behind her, and hold her while we were using my computer.. we did this on a couple occasions for maybe over 6 hours in total. We did hold hands while doing this a bit. I never kissed her or tried to.

 

But recently I found out that this other girl I was working on who is far better looking I have a chance with. So than I decided to lay off this girl, although I see no reason why we just can't be friends.

 

Today we went for a walk at the lake for a few hours than when we were coming back she starts to go into the girl talk. I have something I want to tell you. I said tell me when we meet in a couple days. She said "I don't know if it can wait, maybe I won't see you anymore etc." I just played stupid but know that she wants more from me.

Do you think maybe I really lead her in the wrong direction by cuddling with her on the chair for so long? I mean I never kissed her..

 

So I would like to remain friends with her, she is a someone good to talk with etc. SO what should I do to remain friends but let her know that I don't want to take things further. Also what should I tell her about that cuddling we did?

 

Becuase I'm abroad in Europe.. I'm thinking maybe of saying that I have a girlfriend back home. What do you think about this? But what should I say about the cuddling? Is it ok to just play stupid and be like there is nothing wrong with a little cuddling amongst friends?

[punchy504]

you were mean to this girl, you should start with an apology

[eddie500]

you were mean to this girl, you should start with an apology

 

How was that mean? I mean I cuddled a little bit.. isn't that nice? We always have a good time together etc.

[punchy504]

you knew she wanted more than that, you used that to your advantage because you were feeling frisky, but as soon as something better came along you dropped your friend. I don't know if you can keep her as a friend, if you were my friend and toyed with me that way I wouldn't stick around, you should start with an apology

[eddie500]

you knew she wanted more than that, you used that to your advantage because you were feeling frisky, but as soon as something better came along you dropped your friend. I don't know if you can keep her as a friend, if you were my friend and toyed with me that way I wouldn't stick around, you should start with an apology

 

TO think of it.. your right about that. Yeah it is kind of mean. But I was hoping that maybe I didn't go to far with anything. Don't you think an apology will admit guilt and be bad. I was thinking more of just playing it stupid and like cuddling a bit is normal friend stuff. maybe even say that Americans do this stuff normally with friends.. like if I play stupid maybe she will think there was never anything there.. or that i was trying to get something.

[temperamental_taurus]

Eddie, eddie, eddie... I'm sure you've heard the saying a million times, you can't judge a book by it's cover. The fact that the girl isn't "attractive enough" is no reason to disregard the possibility of a relationship with because her friend happens to be better looking. As you said, she's someone good to talk to, and THAT'S what relationships are built on - NOT LOOKS.

 

A bit of personal history. My ex-husband. He was probably the BEST looking man I have ever seen - besides Ben Afflick of course - but he was seriously gorgeous - and I had to have him all for myself. I married him and then divorced him because all he was was a pretty face. He had no substance, no depth - just his good looks which carried him at work and in social groups etc... he didn't NEED to have a personality.

 

After my divorce, I have dated not-so-gorgeous men - and you wanna know what? I have more fun, better conversations and just an over-all better time. And after I have fallen in love with them, they are gorgeous to me... I mean seriously drop-dead-gorgeous to me.

 

Not saying you should go for this girl, just wanted to have you keep in mind that looks are definitely not everything. Just my two cents!

[punchy504]

then what good is the friendship, tell her you are sorry, you went a little too far and you think she great but you want to keep it where it is now, if she goes or stays will be up to her

[eddie500]

I agree that "looks aren't everthing" but when dealing with looks.. woman go more for personality and men go more for looks.

 

But I would say that I'd rather have a 8/10 with great personality.. than a 10/10 who is really big trouble for a long term relationship.

[QTpie87]

Don't take this as a put down, but yes It was mean, awefully mean. Im sorry I just have to tell the truth. It doesn't make you a bad person,at all, it just means you made a mistake and need to apologys. seriously say sorry, or she might not like you at all ever again, even as friends.

 

I went through this with a friend I am close to now, I just talked to him today and we are still friends, but only because he said sorry for doing the same thing to me as what you did to this girl.

 

yes cuddling is nice, lol, but not if you don't like that person. that's called leading them on. IF you want to stay friends with this girl then I would tell her why you were actign like that and that you are sorry. whatever you do don't tell her that it had anything to do with how she looks, cause in my opinion it is really vein and now if someone decides to or not to date someone because of their looks, that's not the right reson to accept or turn anyone down.

 

well good luck.

Qtpie87

[eddie500]

I decided that I'm going to tell her, Becuase I only have 2 more months here in germany.. I don't want to get into anything serious that I will be hurt when I go back to America and we can't be together.

 

How does this sound? Sounds like a good load of bullsh*t right, that only a total wussbag would say. But I think it will work. So what do you think?

[QTpie87]

sure she will act like she believes you (maybe she will) and you will get away with a guilty feeling of lieing yet getting away with it. Im sorry im not trying to sound mean, really, just being as honest as possible.

 

but anyway I still think you should tell her the truth. really!!! You owe her that, and yourself, when you lie to others, you are really only lieing to yourself.

 

good luck in coming up with a decision.

Qtpie87