I miss her so much.

[Chubby Chub]

I've posted here before about breaking up with my girlfriend.  I was seeking advice about how to rebuild a friendship after breaking up with her and I've come to terms with the fact that may never happen.  I have to give her time to heal and let her decide at her own pace if she ever wants to even keep me in her life. That may very well never become reality.   

Right now I'm just hurting so bad and I'm wondering if I even have a right to hurt if I'm the one that broke up with her.   Why does it feel like every time I think of the good times, all rational thinking goes out the window.  I totally forget why I broke up in the first place. I later sit down.  I think about it. I tell myself it was for the best.  I tell myself that eventually someone will get hurt down the road because her and I were so different.  But the pain is still there.   I miss her dearly.  I miss our movie nights.  I miss laughing with her.   I miss her being there thru the bad and good. I just miss her.  She's a wonderful woman, but our differences made us change in ways that we were no longer ourselves.  

I love her so much and even though I'm hurting so bad I knew I had to let her go right now. But how do I deal with this pain and really accept the fact that I may have lost her forever. 

[SooSad33]

It all takes time...

Time to accept what is.  That there are real reasons on why you broke it off.  That your differences were too much, etc.

It's very normal to 'miss' that person,( especially if it was long term), but does not mean you are meant to be together.  Can take a bit to process it all and work through your emotions.

In time you will see why it did not work.  You will see things clearer, but you won't so much at this time because you're dealing with the 'sad' part.

And yes, you have a right to also 'feel some hurt'... we can't make it work all the time.  We can't make someone 'love us', etc. Because you end things, does not mean you're trying to intentionally hurt that person ... you do have rights.

So, it may take some time for both of you to work on accepting what is and heal, move on etc.

This is why we need to keep the mind busy.. get out there, hang with friends.. journal even to 'get it out'.  And roll with the feelings and one day it well become less intense and you will accept it all.

Life is an experience, sadly not all good 😕 .  But is how it goes sometimes.

[Keyman]

Hey Chubby,

You are just beginning through the emotional process that is a break up. You are in denial at the moment. Not so much denying it happened, by denying yourself the right to mourn, denying that you had a good reason to do what you did. Breaking up can often hurt the breaker more than the breakee.

It's the disconnecting from the person you were with that is the hardest - you'll miss them. RIght now, you need to fill the gap that person has left with yourself as best as you can. Get into your hobbies, take up the gym, hiking, boxing - anything that can get your mind off what you are going through. Don't think about finding someone else to fill the gap, that is just opening yourself up to misery.

Close all doors on her. Watching from the sideline of social media is just going to tear you up more. Many women can use attention to help them through breakups, as they get far more attention than most guys, so seeing some guy even slightly flirting on instapram is gonna hurt.

And forget the friendship thing, it's holding you back from moving on as it is more a thinly veiled thread that keeps you connected, when the best thing right now is to be disconnected.

The vast majority of people in the world have gone through a breakup and have gotten over it, and you will too.

 

[Rose Mosse]

I reread your previous posts and you were married when you met this person you broke up with. You both broke up because you are polyamourous and she is not.

It's possible you haven't dealt with the break down of your marriage in the excitement of a new relationship. I'm not saying this is the case but it may be what's hitting you so hard about the loss of this person. This recent ex was there for you when you ended another relationship. If you haven't been alone on your own for awhile, this shock of it can be overwhelming. 

You'll get through it, as others commented. But put in the work and learn to be comfortable with yourself first before getting into another relationship. Spend time with loved ones or only learn to enjoy the quiet and peace. It'll get better. Keep us updated.