Article on MSN today (Why he's not the marrying type)

[RayKay]

I think whether you live together or not before marriage depends on the goals of living together, mainly I think you better both have the same goals. The fact is also many who live together end up breaking apart and I think usually it is because of a lot of miscommunication about the goals and a lack of the same intentions.

 

I saw a statistic in the paper that 70+% of people in a couple living together plan to marry their partner. Great, but what about that other 30%? I bet in these relationships one of them is planning on it, the other less sure about it.

 

Often you see these partnerships where one is sure that moving in together is basically an engagement, or a sure step to marriage. The other person is using it as a "trial" to decide whether to get married or not. Bad idea in general, they should of talked this out before as chances are greater that the first may resent the latter for not taking that next step right away and so on.

 

Another scenario you often see is people get married after living together as its the next "logical" step, or the pressure from one to get married has gotten too great so they give in without really WANTING or being sure they want the same thing. These are the ones that usually end up in divorce later down the road I believe.

 

Personally, I DO think living together before marriage is a good thing for many many people, as long as you share the same goals and have the same ideas about what moving in together means long term. I think you should move in when you are both at the point you know where you are headed and you both agree to that, and not use it as a "trial" though. While moving in does allow you to learn about the other person more and see how well you do fit long term and through daily life, it still should be approached by both partners in the same spirit/goals. If there are doubts about your partner, DON'T move in together yet!

 

I love living with my boyfriend, it has been an amazing experience and we both are on the same path for our future/relationship.

[Luciana]

So why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Women who cook and take care fo a guy like married will not give him any incentive to marry. She should take care of herself.

[michelemybell]

Hi Luciana,

You reminded me of some friends of my ex. Both these guys have children with the women they live with, but they absolutely refuse to get married. And both guys in both relationships have cheated. I wonder why women put up with that kind of relationship? I would never want to be a backup plan. I think they like the comfort and convenience of having a companion and a caretaker for them and their children, but want the freedom of bachelorhood. And their girlfriends just put up with up. I wouldnt.

Luckily not all guys are like that.