long post. Im gonna kill myself , so NM the replys.

[QTpie87]

I have been living with my grandparents for about a year now because I can not live with my mom cause my step dad is sexually and physically abusiv and she would rather toss me then make him leave.

That isn't the problem now, It still hurts a lot, but I am learning to just not think about it and have given up trying to talk to my mother about it (she doesn't listen and thinks Im being selfesh by making her feel bad about it when all I really wanna do is go home).

 

The current problem has pretty much been going on most of my life. My grandma acts like she hates me. She puts me down and she talks horribly about me behind my back and in front of me (according to her, if any one is in a fight or anything goes wrong, It's gotta be my fault).

she acts like she is this all rightous, holly, god worshiping saint. But then she does this to me. I don't know what to do anymore. I thought about writing her a note and telling her how she makes me feel. Telling her how misserable she is making me and How I just want to kill myself. But is that a bad Idea? She knows she makes me feel bad, she trys to, and although I don't ever tell her or make it obvious how hurt I am, she knows it. But If she knew how bad it really did hurt me do you think she would stop. I don't want to tell her to her face, because I would get too emotional. I don't like people to see me cry, and I don't like them to know that they hurt me because then they will know that what they are doing is affecting me and may keep doing it and feel like they won.

 

Tonight My uncle got all up on my case because she told him all these horrible things about me which weren't true, and tells him I don't do anything and I am worthless and Need to be lectured (I didn't fight back, cause I knew that my uncle loves me and that he didn't know the whole story and well it wouldn't have done me any good anyway.)

she lays on her big butt all day and then blames me for everythign when Im not even here half the time.

 

I wanted to kill myself today, I was the closest I have ever been to just taking a whole bottle of sleeping pills and before being totally passed out cutting my wrists to make sure I wouldn't wake up. I want to kill myself. NO one loves me here. No one. My mom wont even take me. I don't know what Im doing wrong, but other then my grandmother, I love all of my family and It hurts me that they hate me so much. I love them and am willing to kill myself to make them happier.Trust me when I say they wouldn't take a second look at my dead body.

 

it's either suicide or finding a final way to end this. What am I suppost to do? I can't move. I don't want to go into that whole situation cause it's a whole different story, but I don't and won't have the option of moving for at least 2 years and I can't take this anymore.

[mattj]

i have a friend in near the same situation, except that she gets attacked by her actual dad, add that to the fact that her current boyfriend abuses her like hell and that all her friends seem to think she is very loose (cant say the word they actually said) and that her granparents tell her she is a failiure while her aunt tells her she is fat (may i add that if she got any thinner i would seriously reccomend that she should see a doctor). anyway just meant to say you arent the only one in your situation. and she has alot longer to go- but anyway i would reccomend finding a good friend to help you through- someone you can trust, someone you could tell everything to and not nescesarily a gf or bf. and honestly you dont have a paticularly long time to escape, and though i might not be the one to say it, i think you should hold on, you can at least mke sure that when you are older this will not happen to your or if you decide to have one, your family again- i know i havent been alot of help but just try and hold on and hope that you see a reason to carry on living soon

[MetallicAguy]

I believe this is a test from God. You really need God the most in these crappy times in life. It's just him showing you.

[mattj]

as someone who was a strong catholic until i realised the mistakes i had made in life from following god, and the way that i could not agree with alot of things in the bible anymore i would be skeptical at that, unless of course it does offer a solution. who cares how it is done if one life is saved

[MetallicAguy]

How was it a mistake? That makes no sense. Whatever, I don't get athiests. No purpose? That doesn't make sense everything has a purpose.

[Taint]

Seems like your having the worse days of your life... now look at it this way... it can only get better... Get a job, work hard...look for roommates and go out on your own... sever all conact and see if its a real family and they come seek you out... I'm not quite in the same boat as you... But my life went to hell 2 years ago... thats when i thought of suicide... but things can only get better after you taste the worse....

[mattj]

im not an atheist either- if you want to discuss it start a new post or pm me or something- lets not clutter this girls post she has a more pressing problem

 

and yeah try and just leave home as soon as possible

[MY_cheMicAL_roMaNcE7]

well if you can't leave home, think about telling your grandmother how she makes you feel. when you do leave home don't contact her if she hasn't gotten better about treating you like a person. I read one of your posts about loosing weight, maybe it would help you feel better if you continued persuing that and reached your goal . Don't let her put you down. show her you are a good person and can do things for yourself and that she can't put you down. DOn't let others have so much control on how you feel and what will come of your life. Be independent and treat others good even when they don't do the same for you. If they see they aren't hurting you and you are ok no matter what they think of you, then you will attract better people into your life. as for you mom, that wasn't right of her to do that to you, but some people don't think they can do any better and they get afraid of being alone for the rest of their lives. Just remember that you will be moving in a few years and wouldn't have lived there much longer anyway. She is going to make her own decisions (right or wrong either way) and the only person you can control and change is yourself. don't dwel on others, do what you want with your life and just try and make yourself happy and focus on what you want to accomplish and change in your life, and just be there for your family (well your mom).

If he ever hits her, you can always call the cops and get him out of there. but Until then (hopefully it will never happen) just hang in there and keep your life going and have goals to accomplish.

[SPark]

I know that this will be far from the best advice offered today, but running away would be better than dying.

 

I`m sorry that your family isn`t taking better care of you. You don`t deserve to be treated this way.

[blueangel]

We dont realize how much we need God until he is all we have.

 

 

 

I think that if your soul hasnt left your body on it's own, then there's still a purpose for you being here, for it wanting to be here. (it's ok if you dont know what im talking about- i don t think i do either)

[blueangel]

social security must take you away from this or something. You need a loving environment. stay in school and get a job someday so you can create a good environment for your kids... to avenge the death of your homelife today.

 

And now for some lyrics by Good Charlotte:

 

This world, this world is cold

But you don't, you don't have to go

You're feeling sad you're feeling lonely

And no one seems to care

You're mother's gone and your father hits you

This pain you cannot bare

 

But we all bleed the same way as you do

We all have the same things to go thru

 

Hold on...if you feel like letting go

Hold on...it gets better than you know

 

Your days you say they're way too long

And your nights you can't sleep at all (hold on)

And you're not sure what you're looking for

But you don't want to no more

And you're not sure what you're waiting for but you don't want to no more

 

But we all bleed the same way as you do

And we all have the same things to go through

 

Hold on...if you feel like letting go

Hold on...it gets better than you know

 

Don't stop looking you're one step closer

Don't stop searching it's not over...hold on

 

What are you looking for?

What are you waiting for?

Do you know what you're doing to me?

Go ahead...what are you waiting for?

 

Hold on...if you feel like letting go

Hold on...it gets better than you know

 

Don't stop looking you're one step closer

Don't stop searching it's not over...

 

Hold on...if you feel like letting go

Hold on...it gets better than you know...hold on

[manr]

hang in there. I hit a low point in my life and i have thought about doing it as well...more then one time. But u have toi hang ur head high. if u need someone to talk to hit me up on aim. or yahoo. ill be more then happy to help you.