Overwhelming Guilt :(

[60Cycle]

Hey.

 

I'm having a problem getting over an intense feeling of guilt. It's to the point where I am getting depressed and having troubles wanting to be affectionate. It all started when i told my girlfriend I didn't want to go to her prom with her. She seemed sad, but said she didn't really care that much and that I didn't have to go. Well one day before it she starts crying saying how much she wanted to go and how mad she was at me and how sad she was about it. Ever since, I have felt incredibly guilty, like the worst boyfriend ever. I try to make it up to her by kissing her more, massaging her more and doing nice things for her, but I still feel terrible.

 

Every time I tell her I still feel bad about it it just kills the convosation so she moves on with something else.

 

What should I do?

[kungfumaster]

why don't you want to go to the prom with her?

[60Cycle]

I don't want to go because I feel uncomfortable there and out of place. Also, it costs a lot of money. I only have selfish reasons why I didn't want to go.

[kungfumaster]

so, did you try to explain this to her?? did you guys sit down and have a talk it over??

 

why do you feel uncomfortable and out of place though? okay, i can understand if it was a lot of money.

[60Cycle]

Yeah.. I did, It didn't help. Thanks anyways.

[RandomAdvisor]

I can see why you feel a bit guilty, you have reason to. But it's not entirely your fault! If you don't have the money to go, you don't have the money. If you do have the money and preferred to spend it on other things for yourself though, that's another story. Then you are being selfish.

 

Why didn't your girlfriend tell you it was very important to her that you go to the prom with her? Good communicaton is an essential part of a healthy relationship. If she pretended it was no big deal when there was still a chance you could have made arrangements to go, that's her own fault. Why wasn't she honest and upfront with you, instead of breaking down and crying about it at the last minute?

[60Cycle]

Unfortunately, that is just how it is with her. I can't ever trust her initial responses to anything because she isn't always honest with me about her feelings. I've talked about it with her and she says "next time I will tell you." But every time she says this something eventually comes up that she didn't tell me her true feelings about. Usually, I end up feeling really bad about it because I made her feel bad in some way.

[RandomAdvisor]

You shouldn't be upset about it - it's her fault. If she wont tell you how she really feels for one reason or another, she has only herself to blame for her unhappiness. In the long run, your relationship with her is not going to work out unless she learns how to communicate her feelings. For that matter, her relationships with anyone wont work out unless she changes.