Having the hardest time getting over my ex

[Lilacsinsummer]

I am just struggling getting over my ex. I am having the hardest time. It's been almost 4 months now and I am still just crying over him. I feel so pathetic. We were together for 4 years. I just recently went over to his house to give him back some of his belongings. That was probably a mistake. He told me I could burn those items. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to cry...but oh well. I mean, I love him still. I guess I just wish I knew when this pain would subside.

We would break up and get back together...and I just don't think we will ever get back together again. I should probably move on...in a way I have...but in a way I haven't. I have been seeing this guy for a month now. He's nice but if my ex were to say he wanted me back, I would go back with him in a heartbeat. I think I started to date this guy to convince myself that I was over my ex....but it's obvious I am not.

Any advice would be appreciated.

[bittersweetly healed]

lilac i have a similar situation to you...n i cant sleep....would u wana talk in IM?

[melrich]

Don't rush yourself. Four years is a long time in a relationship. If you are still desperately missing him after 6 months then so be it. It will start to get better I assure you. Just look after yourself and make sure you allow yourself time to heal properly. Don't put unnecessary pressure on yourself by asking questions like "I should be over this by now."

[shadowane]

You've gone four months and its just now happening to me. I've been dating my partner for 4 yrs and 9 months and suddenly she doesnt love me any more, and feels no attraction to me. We've had an unstable on again off again relationship but this is extremely different then what has ever happened before. Shes seeing another guy whos very much her senoir and says shes very happy. We are still sharing an apartment but I dont know how long that will last because of all this. I've talked to her and tryed to settled things out, begged, and then in the last two days (its been four days now since the big breakup... 'the bang') given up and started to try and heal. Even buying a self help book on 'when to let go'. But it really does hurt. I've dated her since senior year of high school and now we're almost out of college. What should I do? Its just like you said. If she suddenly dumps this guy I would go running back to her in a heart beat if she wanted me. This is bad, I know it. Plus shes got BPD.

(Borderline Personality Disorder- very serious and heartbreaking). I know she has serious problems at times... and this guy she is seeing is no better. He has OCD, germaphobe, and is also Bi-polar.

 

Its hard... I have to let go... but it is natural to have these feelings. I just wish I had someone who understood right now about what I was going through to talk to.

[taarna]

There are thousands of people on this forum alone that know EXACTLY how both you guys are feeling. Post all you need to, we are all here to help.

 

Shadowane, you need to separate, for real. Staying in the same house does NOT help the healling. I know.

 

 

Lilacs, it's not easy but stay away from him. And how are things with your new guy? Does he know about the ex? And honestly, the pain never truly goes away if you were in love, it just subsides a little over time.

 

And that's what fixes all, time. Unfortunately there is not easy fix. Post all you need, stay away and get on with your life. I know that 4 years is a long time, but in the greater scheme of things, it's ONLY 4 years.

 

Chin up. Lots of people waiting around to help you out, just ask.

 

 

[taarna]

Oh, and shadow about the BPD, GET OUT NOW!

 

Unless she is treating with medication and therapy, GET OUT! Get away. My fiance has a BPD, Narcissisist ex-wife and she has made life absolutely horrible for him as well as me.

 

About 4 years ago, she actually had someone tie her up and beat the crap out of her with a chain and blame it on her then husband. Nice huh?

 

Almost 5 years is a long time as I said to Lilac, but in the greater scheme, it's NOTHING.

 

Find someone who when they say they love you, actually means it. You deserve it. Let the 2 BPDs live with each other, believe me it won't last long.

[heartshout]

i am also going through the same situation ... i had a great 4 year relationship with my gf ... amidst the distance, we were able to share love for four years then as i was about to pack up my things and transfer where she was to finally be with her ... she suddenly reveals to me to postpone my plans because she doesnt feel the same way anymore for me ... then she broke up with me and only to find out a week after she breaks up with me ... she is seeing her officemate ... all our plans and dreams flush down the drain ...

 

fast forward ... its been a month since we broke up ... but still i am having a hard time getting over her ... i love her so much that i really find it hard to move on ... although i know deep down i was left with no choice and with nothing to look back to ...but move on with life without her ... i am on an NC with her and it kills me ... it really is hard ...

 

i believe that time will heal all that we are going through but right now i really dont know ... it really is very hard for me ...

 

i know we will overcome this .... it was really a blessing finding this site on the net ... somehow it is helping me but i really am having a hard time getting over her ...

[shadowane]

Heartshout-

I feel you there.

 

Its strange when they say they dont want to be with you anymore and dont tell you whats actually going on. Like telling me lies and doing the exact oposite... It makes me feel as if there IS no closure. And her seeing this new guy, whos so much older, and even more controlling than any of her previous partners is just unbelievable. Sometimes I wish I could just shake some of these people and shout "WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!" Or have these people think about their actions instead of just jumping.

 

but it does start to get better. You go through the stages and just live even when it feels like ](*,) .....

[shadowane]

Alot of my friends lately have told me to just walk up to her and say everything on my mind, dont get upset, or let her talk just tell her everything that I felt... vent it out. I did just that last night. Of course she told me she didnt like it. And that I just couldnt leave well enough alone, that I sounded like some commercial because my voice was even and I wasnt starting to cry. I felt...sad at first then I felt like someone had just cleansed me like confessional. It felt good at the end, granted I didnt get but three hours of sleep and I have to go to work in less than an hour (to which I've called in twice this month and left early once.... Im looking for a new job anyways). The least is up on Oct 1st so I need to make plans.

 

I'll probably move out without telling her where and when I will be doing this. Im hoping to move in with friends but thats looking close to impossible so a studio apartment will probably be it. Hopefully I can manage to do this and continue to go to college. I dont want this to mess up my life.

 

Im feeling better day by day. ^.^