do we always have to play games?

[buckley]

I know alot of people say that to keep someone intrested you have to not always be available, have your own life, say no sometimes etc etc...

 

even me with one of my exs, he was always available, always wanting me to stay over etc, and i kinda lost alil intrest, i always really liked him but it did kinda worry me...n put me off alil, but maybe that was just him, i was always unsure about him but anyways what im wondering is this:

 

when can u stop this? are these just things u need to do when u BEGIN a rship, once u have been together for more then like 2 months can u stop? or do u always have to do this to keep the rship? n your bf intrested?

 

i mean with my boyfriends i always try to let them be my priority, i dont mind if he goes out with his mates n sometimes i go out with mine but i always am here if he needs me, and i always answer his calls, n i alwas wanna spend time with him......i mean he is my bf, n thats what is normal to me, but does this always put a guy off???? i dont get so close until we have been together for like 2 months but even so would the guy still get turned off if i i never say no to him? i dont purposely not say no, i just never have had to say no so far.

 

i been with him 7 months. would me always being here n never sayin no to stayin over etc put him off?

[sonjam]

thing is, you also have your own life, and I know initially you focus a lot of energy and time on the new bf, but eventually, when things settle down, and you settle in your relationship, you start focussing on your own activities again, and the problem is if you only focus all your energy on this guy from the beginning, then they come to expect it, and demand it. When you want to focus on your own activities, they get annoyed, and dismissive.

 

Another thing is, you don't have to pretend and play games that you are busy, just keep a good balance between the time you spend with your bf, and the time you spend with yourself/your own activities. Don't stop your own life, and only be his doormat, available at his whim 24/7. It bores people easily. So if you still keep your own life going, you don't have to play games, and you will be all the more interesting, and have stuff to talk about...

[buckley]

I was actually wondering in terms of my last bf.

 

I had alot of friends etc when we first met, but one by one they moved to the city for uni.....i had no close friends left where we live ( fairly small coastal town) and although i worked n studied i didnt really have other things to do.

 

we did alot of things together ie: weekends away, days at beach, walks on beach every day etc...........

 

i hated that i didnt have any friends beside him close by to do things with......

 

i never worried when he went out just with his mates tho n enjoyed the time alone.....

 

the problem is i worry if i was boring to him........

 

sometimes we stayed with my friends in the city but not v often.....

 

i had been overseas for 3 yrs also n was happy doin the being at home thing,

 

do u think this put him off me???

 

we were together 10 months

[Hope75]

Being available and being clingy are two separate things. Given that you felt distant from your friends and were probably around alot of the time, feeling lonely and needy, that may have put your ex off.

 

You are split from him and have had a new bf for 7 months, why are you questioning about the ex now?

 

Definitely have your own life as well as sharing it with your bf, that's what keeps the relationship interesting.

 

You don't have to play games. I am a big advocate of being straightforward and not playing games. Just be honest. BUT.... you need a balance in your life for YOU, equal times for work and play, for friends and your lover, and for your family. You will feel more satisfied and more confident in yourself, and this will reflect in your relationship.

[SilverManic]

I think that sounds about right. I semi live with my boyfriend and semi live at home. But I always make sure I have time for myself and to do the things I want to do. He needs space too. We can't be in eachothers pockets 24/7 can we?

GL,

~S.

[buckley]

I agree about havin balance between your own life and yours together and thats what i am worried about.

because at the time we were together I didnt have many friends around nor hobbies as i worked late.

 

im jsut wondering if event ho we were together 9 months before we broke up whether or not this put him off........

 

i was never demanding for time, but i was happy to spend time with him when i could.

 

i never complained when he went out with boys etc, i just didnt ever say no to him to og out with my friends cos i didnt have any close by

 

is this a mjor put off or problem?