Fear of Failure

[lonelyd00d]

Hi people.

 

Well, I found something out about myself, almost 2 weeks ago. I have a fear of failure. I was talking to a friend of mine about something personal, when she told me that it was fear of failure. And I'm like: but I'm never nervous before tests/exams. She said that's not the only kind of fear of failure.

 

So I did some digging, and found out I have a passive fear of social failure.

 

Passive meaning that one bails out whenever fear is gripping. I did this with highschool (calling in sick on days I had to stand in front of class and hold a speech or something). And I dropped out of college twice because I really felt I couldn't do it. Procrastination and I are close friends too ;P

 

(Active is when you do WAY more than is necessary to fulfill the task at hand)

 

Social fear means that you're afraid of how people think about you. Common thoughts are "What if my voice is shaking", "Are these people laughing at me?" etc. As for me, I notice that I'm not really alive. For example, I would like to take some dancing classes.. but I'm afraid to sign up. It's really as simple as that. And the best argument that I have in my mind is: I can't dance My aunt said it very well once: "You only want to learn it after you learned it".

 

(Then there's cognitive fear, which is fear of tests and exams)

 

So.. Now I'm thinking about going to a shrink or something (group therapy?) to help me solve this. But I'm very hesitant about it. I would like to know if there are people here who have tried that, and did it help?

 

I know the fear is unlogical, but it IS fear. And it does keep me from living my life, basically. I know I'm the only one who can overcome it, and I have, in certain areas. So is there anything a therapist can tell me that I don't know, or can read myself? Because now I know about this, I can actually do something about it. At the very least, I can admit it to some people so they can hopefully understand why it's so hard for me to do certain stuff. I think I'd do better then.

 

Please share your fears of failure, and if you have solved them, please let me know how. Thanks!

[butterflycloud]

I used to just like you- afraid of looking like a fool to others.....

 

Perhaps your fear has originated in a low self esteem-Do you really know and love yourself?Are you proud of who you are in general?

 

If you know in your heart that you are a good person, capable of being loved and of contributing to society then you shouldnt care what others think.

 

Just remember that even if you do make a fool of yourself infron of others 90% of the time they dont even know or care who you are so why should it bother you as to what they think of you? Also remember that you are assuming that thay think less of you- it is your insecurities that you are projecting onto them.

 

Deep down inside all people are afraid of failure- half the time it is only the stigma of what society will think of them. You are not the odd one out!

 

Know that you are a valuable human- dont let other people's disgusting judgemental behaviours bring you down- know who you are in your heart even if they say different!!

[enotjcalone]

To overcome your fear, you've got to walk up and face what you fear. It's never as scary the 2nd time, the 3rd 4th time etc.

 

You're caring too much about making a good impression on others. Stop overly caring about what others might think of you. See higher of yourself, gain some self confidence and you'd overcome it.

[sidehop]

lonely, I can really relate to you & it's something I'm definitely working on. I was never a shy kid, in fact I was the LOUDEST in the class. I'm not sure what happened after elementary but things changed I became more shy.

 

I do recommend a book called "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover. It was very interesting because the book really talked about 'me'. In fact it was a bit scary! Check it out when you get a chance...it's not about being nice guy or any of that sort. It'll actually go in depth why some guys are actually shy and how it affects their entire life whether it'd be their job, the partner, sex and social life in general.

[lonelyd00d]

I recently finished reading "No More Mr. Nice Guy", and I gotta say, it's very interesting. Some things he wrote about (to recover), I've actually already been doing myself, before I bought that book. It also has some good pointers and examples of other Nice Guys. Most of the time, I could relate to it.

 

One of the most important parts for me would be realizing that "we live in a world of abundance". I've always held on to bad situations, afraid of making it worse. But in fact, that did make it worse. Now I'm beginning to see that it's better to lose a (lousy) friend, than continue a shaky friendship. There are plenty of other people around who are probably delighted to have me as a friend, instead.

[Borashi]

I feel your pain, I also like you have a fear of failure. I dropped out of high school my senior year, as I made a lot of wrong choices and mistakes. I didn't go back until I was 20 because I was afraid to fail, but I went back with high expectations and graduated 6 months later. I think I have a tendency of not just being afraid of failure in social situations but also I tend to let other peoples opinions effect my own judgement of myself. For example I used to always do things just cause my best friend did, we'd party, gamble, do drugs. I really had no logical reason for it, I justified my actions based upon what me and my friends thought was cool. Quite recently I've realized only you can look out for yourself and a lot of people around you might mean well, but it doesn't mean they have your best interests at heart. You need to decide whats best for you and then choose the path which will take you there. I'm 24 and still have many fears about social situations, but taking it one day at a time helps. I'm finally looking at online colleges and considering pursuing a career in a field that I've always been interested in but hadn't pursued because I've listened to how others felt about it, what they said about it, and how they might not have liked me to be in this field. (Criminal Justice) Just remember in the end you have to live with yourself, if your not happy with certain aspects, than change those aspects in any and everyway possible. We only live once and we have to make the best of our situation.

Theo