should I see him?

[Bamber432]

My boyfriend just recently broke up with me and he says that he still loves me, but the love has become just a "friends love" now. He says that he still needs me in his life and still wants to hang out one on one and see each other all the time. I don't know if I can handle being his friend. I love him so much and he is my first love. Every time I see him I cry and it's one of those uncontrollable cries. He tells me that he's not sure if things will ever happen between us again. I want to do whatever I can to help him realize that he needs me as much as I need him. Should I continue to see him or to spend time away? Which do you think would help him realize that? I need everyone's opinions...please!!! Thank you so much!!

[Jitrenda]

Obviously you are torn...but right now i think it will be best if you don't see him right now. He may want you as a friend right now...but i think he is using you as back up if he can't find someone else or find any other friends besides you. I would say...since you are hurting right now...tell him you cannot be friends with him right now...b/c you are hurting and tell him you still want to be friends with him (if you still do that is) but just not right now. You are not ready to. You are still too hurt. My ex did the same thing. I told him i couldn't do it. And i am happier now. I still want to be his friend. But things didn't work out that way. And really that's okay...b/c in our case...it was for the best. So just look out for you right now and take care of yourself...everything will fall into place once you start taking care of you!

 

Good luck!

[_TURTLE_]

yah like she just said try to get away from him for a while.he will notice what it is like with you not around him and want you back even if it means to start datin you again

god luck

[Bamber432]

I think you guys were right...he came over tonight and we came very close to kissing. But he kept saying that he shouldn't do this to me, it wasn't fair to me and that he can't take advantage of me. I wanted to kiss him so bad...I wanted to make things go back to the way they were. I needed that kiss. He told me that we were always going to want each other. It gave me hope for awhile until he said that we just need to get over it. I can't get over it...it's impossible for me to...I don't want to give up on things. I don't understand how we can be friends if we are going to want each other every time we see one another. I love him more than life itself and I just don't know how to deal with losing him. I'm not going to give up hope just yet....he's calling me tomorrow to talk and answer some questions....I guess if I don't hear the things I want to hear, then I'm really thinking that time apart is what's best. I just can't handle it. Every moment of every day I want to see him, I want to call him. My life is nothing without him in it. Going a week, 2, 3, 4 or however many weeks it takes is going to kill me. I can't do this...I just can't. I just don't knwo what to do. I'm sorry I feel like I am complaining and whining but I just need to get things off my chest. I guess that is all I can write at the moment. Just please someone tell me how to handle this situation. I need all the advise I can get! Thank you for listening!

[loner82]

Bamber432 said moment of every day I want to see him, I want to call him. My life is nothing without him in it.

 

Your life is worth more than him! I know it is hard to think that you will be a better person without him. But in time you will realize that you are going to come out of this 10x stronger. You need to let go and cut off all contact and slowly move on with your life, if he really loved you and cared for you he would not be putting you through this turmoil. You need take control of your life and not put it on hold for this guy who obviously does not have control of his life and his emotions. He is indifferent to what he is putting you through, it's just a game to him and it sounds like he is leading you on until something better comes along. Life is too short to let someone play with your emotions and to belittle yourself by putting all things on hold and groveling for this disgusting human beings love. This is coming from a woman who just stopped living because her boyfriend left her for someone else. I dropped out of school, I begged him for his love, I wanted to die if it meant not being able to be with him. And I kick myself today to realize that it took me 9 months to accept that he is not worth my tears and that I am worthy of someone who will love me no matter what. This breakup will make you grow as a person and you will be more smarter in your next relationship. If you need someone to talk to just email me @ email removed

[jehan]

Bamber, I know exactly what you are going through...I was in a relationship with a great guy off and on for 7 years. I still love him dearly, but I know that are lives are just moving in two different directions. I'm about to finish medical school, and he has just gotten his master's.

He called me the other day to tell me that he was thinking of me. I'm used to this cycle of 'break-up-get-back-together', but I still spoke to him anyway. Once he told me about a girl he was dating, all of my feelings for him came back, as well as those feelings of distrust and hurt. "Why is he telling me this?" I thought. He says that he wants to be friends, but I know what that means. Now that we both live on opposite coasts, avoiding each other is much easier. But trust me, it does get better. Just think about how much fun it is when you first meet a new person and everything is so exciting. You will have that again, but you MUST leave him alone, not answer his calls, etc. There will be a day where you don't wake up and think about him or go to bed crying yourself to sleep. You must be happy if you want others to see that happiness in you and approach you. Get out there, girl! Join a gym, go to the park, take salsa lessons; anything that involves social activity and gatherings. The point in getting your own life back on track is not to see if he wants you back. This is not a competition, and you are not the prize. The point is to love yourself again, instead of focusing on him. For your sake, please stop communicating with him.

How will you know that you're over him, you ask? You'll be giving a girlfriend who's crying on your shoulder the same advice I'm giving you.

 

P.S. I'm still not over my ex either. It will still take some time. But you know what? I'm going out on a date tonight! Cheer up, your pain will be over soon

[mrsadman]

Bamber I know what your going through just except I'm a guy and my girl broke up with me. I also think I cannot live without this person this person was the only for me and I really love her and she should really love me, but unfortunatley with life it doesn't always go the way you want it to go. Maybe you should spend less time with him for a while I tried to be friends with my girl but it hurt way to much so we never became friends again. But maybe that is the best if it causes you so much grief to not be his girlfriend and only be your friend. But it is awkward because you probably feel that if you stop being his friend maybe you will never get to be his girlfriend again. But you have to make that decision rather you can handle it or not I know I could not handle just being friends with a person that I loved so much and could no longer be that someone special in their life. If you decide to spend time away from him it will be hard but you have to take a day at a time thats what I'm doing even though I still think about my ex every second of the day. Hope things go your away I'm here if you ever need to talk just press the aim button bye.

[Bamber432]

I understand that I shouldn't see him...but I have a huge problem with that. A bunch of us have stayed friends since high school and we are all always together....and well me and him are in that circle of friends so it's hard not to see each other. I mean I don't want him to be kicked out of the group and I sure don't want to either. I've tried to spend time away from everyone....but I just think about everything...and then when I try to be with people..he's usually there so I still think about him....I just don't know what to do because I have to see him.

[mrsadman]

Thats a hard situation Bamber sorry you have to go through that I was kind in the same boat except all my friends I met in college were through her because she was very popular and I was let in her cirlce of friends, but when she broke up with me I just found it to hard and left, but your situation different you are all friends, so all have to say is before you meet everyday right now all your feelings on piece of paper to get all the sadness and anger out so when you do have to meet him it will be hopefully easier becuase all the animosity out. Its still going to be very hard though my ex was in my same class and I had to see her every other day and it was real hard and you probably see him more than that but that is all the advice I can give you. Before each class I let all the tears out so when I got to class I was so drained that I was numb and it didn't hurt so much maybe that will help it helped me immensely. But that class what at a scheduled time so I could schedule my emotions out but your friends so you can't exactly do that but you can try.

[jehan]

Bamber,

I suggest that you let all of your friends know how you feel about being in the same company with your ex. I know that this may place then in an awkward situation, but they're your friends and should understand what a difficult time you are having rght now. You are going to have to do this. TRUST ME...I was going through the "we'll be friends-oops we ended up in bed-now we're in a relationship-I can't be with you anymore" for SEVEN years. Please trust me. Don't learn things the hard way like I did or think that your situation will be different because it won't. Again, get out there and engage yourself in activities that you like to do, and also away from this group of friends where you may see your ex again. Good luck, sweetie.. I'm rooting for you, from one heartbroken girl to another.

[runtosofaraway]

bamber,

i understand that it is hard to not see him because you are in the same group of friends, but putting some distance inbetween you two for a while will only make you feel better. Forcing yourself to not call him will make you feel stronger emotionally, and eventually you wont want to call him anymore. Love is a tricky thing, that usually shits all over your heart. you just need to realize that you are much better than him, and it will get better. No matter how much you think you need him, you only need one person and thats yourself. i know thats a stupid saying that people use and not to mention a bit corney, but trust me, it has happened to me. My boyfriend was perfect, we had our own language even. it was heavan. but then he decided he needed a break. and i cried, and felt horrible. but i put distance between us. even though we had everything in common and were both in punk bands, i put it all aside. i got over it and then two weeks ago he got in contact with me. like a fool i talked to him again and found myself falling head over feet again. he told me he loved me and wanted me back, i responded by telling him i needed time. he said he would wait, i was so happy. i thought that maybe he had changed. i was wrong. we saw eachother and it was just like old times. happiness rushed throughout my body. the next day i told him i had had enough time, he said he thinks we should be just friends. i told him to BEEP himself and die. it was for the best and now im doing much better. nobody is worth killing yourself over. just remember that hes the one missing out on you, your love, and your effection. you can do better hunny! if you ever wanna talk, my addy is email removed. im here for you. wounded souls need eachother. peace, love, and hopefully happiness.