I need advice....is my relationship a lost cause...??

[dustinthewind]

Hi Everyone.

 

THanks for taking the time to read this. If there are no responses, at least this will give me a place to write my feelings and think about them.

 

The BACKGROUND boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months. We get along extreamly well, share the same values and generally are quite a good match. He has shared with me that he sees us being together long term, and has even joked around about the possibility of us getting married (not until we are finished university) As happy as things are between us, we did however break up about 2 month ago...we had been picking at each other about stupid things, were both under a lot of stress....the break up lasted 4 days and I pursued the NO CONTACT during that time...because since I didn;t want to break up in the first place. After ignoring him and his attempts to contact me for 4 days, I finally listened and he came back apologizing, crying, telling me what a mistake he made adn that we were meant to be together. Since then things have been great. awsome even. we are planning to go travelling in august.

 

THE PROBLEM: THe problem I am having, is that for the last week or so, I have not been happy. I have been crying almost every night and have been feeling sick about our relationship. To him, things are fine, wonderful and he keeps telling me how happy he is. But I guess I am having second thoughts. He is an extreamly busy guy and it feels like he barely has any time to see me. WHen he does, it feels like I am expected to wait around, or not wait plans (which I do..because I want to see him so much) I do so many nice things for him to show that I care...leave notes on his car, make him nice dinners, bring him little surprises at work...but I do not get any of these things in return. I guess I feel that I need more attention in this relationship. Because somtimes lately when talking to him, I have contemplated lying about stupid things...saying I got into a car accident or something just so I can have him dote on me for a few minutes. I have not done this, and wont, but even thinking about doing it has made me realize that I feel neglected and am sad.

 

I told him my concerns just last night, and we communicate great like always, he said that he would try to make more of an effort to make time for me. It was supposed to start tonight, but he just cancelled because it is his friends bday (a girl who i have never met) and they are going to the bar..i wasn;t invited. i understand bdays are important...but i just feel like my concerns have fallen on deaf ears. I love this guy...i havent told him yet...but at certain times like saying goodbye and holding each other...it just feels so natural to say, and I have to catch myself so that I do not say it. grrrrrrrr...i am scared to tell him...and think i should wait for him to say it first.

 

ANyways. I am not too sure what my question is...I guess I am just wrestling with this delema of not being able to see him as much. And it will be even wiorse in the summer cause he starts playing volleyball...so i might only see him once a week. I know that I need more than that to keep myself happy. But I do not want to sacrifice this realtionship. Contrary...i dont want to be the only one making concessions and "seeing him" while he plays vball..or soemthing...I mean I want this to work..but I feel hopeless like this is going no where.

 

ANy advice? Thanks for listening

[kskm]

Well it's good that you told him how you felt!! Very good!! A relationship with communication- yea!!

 

On the other hand since you did tell him that and he told you that he was going to spend more time with you- give him a break. Now he knows and this can't happen over night. Give him a week- no chage talk again one more week- nothing then I would say break it off until you two graduate.

[sidhat]

Dear,

 

I know the situation you are going through is stress full.. I would say talk it out and ask him to give you time and tell him that I want to be your best friend for your life..and tell him that relationship is like a flower we both have to put water on that other wise it will be dead..and I feel soo depressed when you are not around.. you have to take your all emotions and feeling out near him but in respectable way to ensure him that you love him and also make yourself light..Prove him that you r honest and loyal in this relation. and want more out of it..

Dont make any decision on assumtions..

 

You will be loved ..

 

take care and put smile on your face..

 

Good luck..

[misery12]

I can't believe how much this dilema used to relate to my relationship!

It's unbelievable.. I can really relate to this, except for the age .

But anyways, I know what you mean, you feel that you are the only one putting effort into the relationship, and sometimes you might feel that he doesn't like you as much as you like him, but if he didn't, would he ( a grown man) come back to the woman he loves.. crying to be with her?

probably not.. so this is a good sign for you.

I used to feel this way with me and my girl.. but then I talked to her.. and got her input on our relationship, and she told me that we need to have better conversations, instead of just Questions and Answers.. so I made an effort for this.. and realized I was just trying too hard, and basing all my plans around her. I talked to my mom about this, and she helped me out. She made me realize that I had to get other hobbies, to get my mind of it.. and just live my own life.. for me. The trick is for each of you to live your own lives, and then bring them together, to meet. Go out with friends, concentrate on your studies, if you find you waiting for him, and he goes out.. don't hesistate to do the same thing.. there's always other times.. as for the love thing, don't rush it.. it's more than just 3 words, it's the strongest feeling someone can get. I haven't said it to my girlfriend yet, because I am waiting until I know for sure.. I know I am falling in love with her.. and I will be there shortly. You just can't rush these things.. like the previous post.. try not to talk to him about it every night, because he will find you clingy.. wait a week or so..

I have also noticed that a few words from your lovers mouth, can make your day and get your passed any dilema. So just try concentrating on your own life, and try not to live your life based around him, you have to love yourself, and live for yourself.. before you can love another. Think about this post... it can really help you.

Also, try and set up a romantic night, about a week in advanced, so it's secure. Then you can look forward to it, when you feel down about you guys.. and then think back to that night for the next time you feel down, it really helps. You just have to know he cares for you.. things will fall as they may.

Good Luck.

[shorty20]

I think that everyone knows deep down whether relationships are going to work or not. The problem is, alot of times we don't want to admit it or accept it. If you deep down think that things could work out, I would continue seeing him, and just seeing how he changes. I don't think that not having time is an excuse to not see someone. If he really wanted to, he would make time. About the friend's b-day I wouldn't freak out. Guys get kind of weird when they feel like they are being held back by girls, so he might be trying to break away, not because he dosen't like you but because he's scared of the committment that he thinks he's making by seeing you all fo the time. I would give him time, and see if he changes. About the volley ball, you could go to his games and be his chearleader! Guys love it when there girls are there, but I would see if he includes you as well. If he wants u to come to his games, but you're not invited to the celebrations at the bar after a win or things like that then I think that you need to think twice about his feelings for you. Every relationship takes work, but thas work from both people, not one-sided. Good luck hun, I hope everything works out.