Back to Shyness

[eviljedi]

Hey, I recently realised that when I'm not around my friends in school or with people I know well, I get really shy. This girl was trying to talk to me at work (I think she liked me) and I just felt so awkward and couldn't be myself. In school if someone who I have never met before talks to me, even if my friends aren't around, I somehow feel more at ease and more confident. This has started to worry me because I'm leaving school shortly to go to university and I don't want to go back to my shy ways!

 

Any tips would be great!

 

Thanks

eviljedi

[MetallicAguy]

I think you care too much about if people like you or not. That's what's bugging you and making you insecure.

[DropToZero]

Ditto to the above

 

It's possible you could be more confident at one place, and not the other...but that's just a mindset. I dont understand it, but we all have it....even I have a little bigger boost of confidence when I'm wearing like my fav. T-shirt or something around, I dont get it, but its how I feel, just more comfortable in it. Now that doesn't mean I need to wear that T-shirt everywhere and every day tho hah, so you're goin to have to pretend or something that you're in school till you learn to keep that confidence and ease everywhere you go.

[PhoenixInATL]

I agree with MetallicAguy in the sense that you worry if people will like you or not. That's understandable--many of us have the same concern.

 

But what's interesting is that at school, when someone you don't know comes up and talks to you, you're okay with that.

 

I'm the same way. At work I feel very confident in my abilities and have no problem meeting someone at work. I've even met the CEO of my company and felt fine with it. But put me in a social situation outside of work and although I've gotten better, I still feel uncertain and nervous.

 

Crazier yet, I'm the Lead of the Social & Planning Committee for my company. I've had to get up on stage and speak to hundreds of people, including my bosses and the CEO, and I do well at it. But again, put me in unfamiliar territory and I don't feel so confident.

 

And that's what it's all about--familiar and unfamiliar territory. I can understand your trepidation about going to university. It's the unknown. And I'm sure many people experience your concern. But within a short time of being there, it will become familiar and you will feel as confident as you do in other areas of your life.

 

Trust me on that. I went through it too. You're not alone.

[PhoenixInATL]

Another thing I wanted to mention is that a certain amount of nervousness is normal. Considering that your shyness seems to come and go depending on the situation (as mine does), try to examine what it is that makes you retreat to your shell in certain situations. Again, I think 95% percent of the people out there experience the same thing, so I'm not saying you're out of the ballpark. But wouldn't it be great to understand and get over that hesitation? Trust me, all of us strive for that as well.

 

And one other note, a few people on my committee are shocked to know that I struggle with shyness too. They all say I'm a natural up on stage and should be a comedian. So anyone you see that you wish you can be as "confident" as they are--know that they're probably just in their element at the moment and have confidency issues themselves at times. Again, you're not alone or outside of the norm.

[eviljedi]

Thanks for the advice guys, recently I've been going through really weird phases where one day I'll be really shy and the next I'll be more confident that I've ever been.

[PhoenixInATL]

Have you tried keep a journal? Maybe if you do that you can read back on it and see if you can find a pattern as to why some days you're more confident than others.