What is wrong with me?

[TurntSloth]

Not really coping well this week at all. The sleepless nights have come back and I'm finding myself exhausted and distracted at work all over again.

Thoughts of her are raging through my mind and then as if someone up above is laughing at me, I walk out of a work meeting from a client's office around lunchtime today and who do I bump into (almost physically, it was that close) on my way to the station?

 

First time I've laid eyes on her in almost 6 months (NC) and now I just feel weird. I honestly don't even think she noticed me, we didn't even make eye contact but the whole thing has rocked me. She looked like a different person, I had to triple take before I was even sure it was her... she seemed taller than I remember, and she was wearing a new coat too. Without wanting to sound y, she didn't even look good... as in she looked ill or hungover... idk

 

How can I still be feeling like this about someone I haven't spoken to or seen for 6 months?? We were only 'together' for a couple of months initially, then **** happened and we were kinda on and off for another 6 months or so up until this summer.

 

I feel like I'm doing all the right things in terms of going blocking her, focusing on myself, staying social, meeting new people. I've even recently started dating again after genuinely feeling a lot better, and I'm honestly enjoying it, but then just when I thought I was over the whole thing I find myself in a cold sweat at AM on Monday morning and I'm back to square one.

 

What's left to do at this stage? I still think about her every day - I don't particularly want to be in a relationship with her but she's always in my head regardless. I've never been completely NC with anyone before and I'm really struggling.

[bluecastle]

Sorry about all this.

 

I wish I had a magic button to press, but the truth is that some people just get in our heads, under our skin, and, yeah, in some weird corners of our hearts and linger. And, odd as it sounds, sometimes it's the short romances and/or the on/off romances that take the longest to detach from since they're built on a lot of volatile swings in emotions, hopes, expectations, confusion. Mix in the holidays, when emotions run high, and you get a perfect storm for some dwelling.

 

You're doing everything right, as you said. Accept that this is just an unexpected wave that, with time, will pass. It's not a step back, not a step forward, not a reversion to square one. It's just one of these sucky moments that surprise us in a bitter way. You will get through it.

 

Out of curiosity, to ask the question that inevitably appears on these threads: Have you given therapy a go? I know it's been great for me, just in terms of understanding these moments a bit more so they're less mysterious. Doesn't make the waves go away, but makes them easier to ride, if that makes sense.

[thisisrichey]

Don't worry about the "why" - just go with it.

My advice during mourning has always been... if the body needs to cry, let it. if the body needs to purge rage, let it. if the body feels joy and has a happy memory, let it. Just let it... whatever it is.

don't fight it, push it, avoid it, whatever happens, let it happen. It's what the body needs.

if you just do this - things will pass much faster and before you know it it'll be gone.

 

don't ask "why" - that's worsening it. It doesn't matter why in the end.. just let it be, ride it out - and it will float through.

[TurntSloth]

A perfect storm indeed, and I forgot my coat!

At this point I'd love to give therapy a go but just don't have the budget for it right now. I don't think I'm desperate for it, but I know it would help a lot at the same time. I guess I'll just keep putting one foot in front of the other in the meantime.

 

Ah I wish this ride would just be over, I want to get off!