Time is not healing me...

[nix]

Why is my need for him getting stronger and stronger when surely it should be fading. I can't get rid of this overwhelming need to be with him, even more so than when we split up 5 months ago.

 

Questions go round and round in my head like never before; does he think of me/ miss me? Does he want me back? Should I contact him? Is he happy? Will I ever be happy? Is he with someone else?

 

I thought time healed…it doesn't seem to be for me.

 

I just want him back so badly, I can't seem to let him go. I am getting on with my own life, keeping busy and enjoying myself, I have lots of friends and family and am lucky to have such support but I just can't get him out of my every thought. Its starting to consume me in everything I do and its driving me nuts!

 

Although I have lots of people who are there to listen I can talk to them about how I feel at the moment because I feel ashamed. Everyone thinks im so strong but I'm not, I cry myself to sleep most nights and feel so alone.

 

Does anyone else feel like this? Why is it happening to me? How much longer do I have to wait for this pain to fade?

[titan]

 

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Although I have lots of people who are there to listen I can talk to them about how I feel at the moment because I feel ashamed. Everyone thinks im so strong but I'm not, I cry myself to sleep most nights and feel so alone.

 

Does anyone else feel like this? Why is it happening to me? How much longer do I have to wait for this pain to fade?

 

I felt exactly the same and at times i still so. It doesn't go away just sort comes and goes in periods each period is shorter and shorter and futher apart.

 

Don't hide from your friends after my break-up i found out whom my true friends were and who wasn't and i can honestly say its made me stronger knowing that if i need support i know i can rely on the friends that stuck with me.

[jeniejewels]

Oh my gosh there is other people who are going through the same thing as me! I am going through the exact same thing as you. It's only been two weeks but I'm going crazy too. I work daily, hang out with friends, spend time with my daughter and keep myself busy but it doesn't seem to help what's going on inside of my heart and my brain. I force myself to not dial his number or drive by his work. I know it would do me no good except to hurt more. I can't seem to get on with my life without thoughts of him every second of the day. People tell me also that time will heal all but what do you do in the meantime? Let's talk......

Jenie

[Royltnxile]

Prayer helps with this. I am not kidding!

 

Many times in the past couple of months since my unexpected and abrupt dumping back on Valentines Day I have said this basic prayer. Words might change here and there, but it's always the same concepts:

 

I like the "Serenity Prayer" first of all...."Lord, give me the courage to change the things I can change, the strenght to accept the things I can't...and the wisdom enough to know the difference"

 

Then I pray about my personal situation with my ex.

 

"Lord, please bless my friend S___ and help her with her issues...."

 

But most importantly I pray this:

 

"Lord, give me peace of mind, help me to stay calm and not obsess...Lord, please either bring her back to me, or take the feelings I have for her away from my heart"

 

So far, neither has happened. She's not back, and I still feel just as strongly....but I still say it. You have to have faith, and I do. =) And it makes me feel better.

 

Try it, it helps!

[nix]

Thanks you all for reading my post, it means alot to know there are people out there who take time to care.

 

titan - I think you are so right but what scares me is that I really dont think these thoughts ever go, I think time just helps to learn how to deal with them. Also I am trying so hard not to hide from my friends but I am so ashamed of the way I feel...I will try to let them in but it'll be hard.

 

edudlooc13 - Never thought about it as an 'aftershock', some sort of delayed reaction I suppose then? Maybe reality is kicking in, just wish time would pass by quicker!!!

 

jeniejewels - I'm sorry you are hurting too, all I can say is I know where you're at and totally empathise! This forum is full of people going through the same stuff as each other and it's helped me no end. When it all gets a little too tough to handle there is always someone here to help or just listen. In the meantime I think just carry on with life as well as you can...and hopefully one day the pain go. I'm here if i can help, talk away!

 

x

[titan]

don't be ashamed, for many years i was considered the Rock of nearly everyone i knew. I was always solid and could never hurt my break up was particully pain full, (search my posts i have put a post up.)

 

After this happened i felll apart and everyone was so surprised and shocked but now i have the total trust and confidence of my friends and they trust me so much more for opening up to them.

[nix]

Another day and a whole new heap of pain, it is strange but it seems the pain is different each day. Yesterdays pain is gone and a new pain has arrived.

 

Last night I stayed home alone for the first time in ages and as I was just doing things around my house I came accross photos which I should have ignored but couldnt. I sat there looking at them and talking to them like he could hear me and crying like a baby. The photos were taken on the last holiday we had together, only a few months before we broke up and we were so happy...how did it go wrong?

 

Royltnxiled - I tried praying like you suggested and somehow I suppose it was soothing. I dont have alot of faith but at times like these its seems thats all there is.

 

Titan - I called a friend of mine and tried so hard to tell her how I feel but the words wont come out...I feel like i'm being a burden by telling them how badly im dealing with all this. I spoke to my mum too and I feel like I have to be strong for her because it upsets her too much to see me upset so I figure I just have to deal with this alone.

 

This NC thing is playing on my mind too, I feel like a stubborn child by not contacting him. I'm not sure if its helping or not, shouldnt I just deal with my feelings if I see him instead of hiding from them? It all seems so ridiculous that after 4.5 yrs together suddenly nothing, why does it have to be like this? I want to send him a birthday card in a few weeks and my adult, rational side wants to send it but my childish, stubborn side doesnt. What should I do?

[titan]

i am sorry u feel like this with your friends, sometimes you do feel like a burden but have you not been there for them. I think the earlier you release what you are feeling the better you will feel.

[herewegoagain]

Nix - Believe me, I know what you are going through. I am 37 years old and still cry at night sometimes. It is normal though. Do not try to force it. Just let your healing happen!!

 

I just put in a post "Boy, does time fly" in which I tell how I am still not healed, and it's been 9 months since my ex gf dumped me.

 

I tell you what is important and what really helps, as Royltnxile mentioned - put your faith in God, and pray pray pray!!! That's all you can do. Ask God to help you. He is so powerful!!!

 

I do not want to sound like a preacher, but God allows this to happen in your life for a reason. He is actually doing this for your own good. You may not understand it right now, but God will make everything work out in the long run. You just have to be patient, and ask Him to help you. Trust me, He will.

 

You will look back on this someday, and you will see that everything was for the best, no matter the outcome of your situaton.

 

Take care!!!

[nix]

I'm still feelin pretty low and cant get myself out of this nightmare feeling at all, in fact i seem to be trying to make myself feel worse somehow! I am so mad at myself for being like this but whatever I do I cant stop it.

 

Anyway, I just wondered how are you supposed to cope when you know that your ex is with someone else? I know loads of you guys are coping with this but I dont know if I can. I dont know for sure but I just get the feeling that my ex is seeing someone else and just the thought makes me physically sick.

 

The thought of her in the house we used to share, the house we so lovingly made ours, doing the things we used to do, her touching him blah blah blah. Worst of all the thought of him just totally forgetting that I exist, not caring about the suffering he has put me through and getting on with his life whilst I feel like this.

 

How do you cope with all that?

[UGH1607307217]

oh my, how do you cope. Im so sorry youre hurting, I really did have the same thoughts and feelings. "she is in our home", "our bed", etc. Its been nine months for me after 5+ years. It WILL get better, It WILL get easier. Just continue to live your life, cry at night if you have to. You are going to be just fine.

 

I actually went out on a date this past weekend...wasnt the best date Ive ever had and I probably wont go out with him again...but the thing is, I NEVER thought I would be able to do that, with someone other than my ex. Your thoughts of him will fade over time, although you will probably never completely forget him. Its only been five months, did you mention how long you were together (I dont recall and I know that it really doesnt matter, you were still in love with this man whether it was six months or six years) so hang in there.

 

You arent alone here, we all know how you are feeling and we are here to help you get through this.

 

Have a great day!

[manr]

every story is a bit different. I had the one i loved and it hurts the same way. What sucks for me is she slept with a friend of mine. Wow that didnt go over well. at the end hes not my friend and he isnt her friend. im happy in a evil way. to crush her like she did to me. But everyday i wish i could take it back i never wanted to hurt her. Im alone and shes alone but she still calls me, and still wants to be with me and sleep with me. I aggre to coffee and a small dinner but thats it. If we sleep together i might start to think things are going on that arnt...

 

 

But as for her. Forget her. i know its hard. Its hard for me to resist my ex. the pain is there everynight and so are the tears. I found going to the gym and working out is a real good way to get ur mind off it. Not only will ur body thank you. You will also meet alot of ppl.

[nix]

I don't smoke and I smoked last night, and I got drunk…alone. I have tried to talk to my friends but they seem to pull away when I tell them how I really feel, I am so alone and so dreadfully unhappy.

 

Life feels like it will never be the same again and if I have to deal with how I am now forever then there is no point to anything. Living life each day trying to cope with pain isn't my idea of living…just existing purely to be alive seems so pointless.

 

These feelings are new to me, I never thought that it would be humanly possible to feel such devastating pain. Maybe I've been lucky so far in my life and I should be thankful for that but having been such a happy, carefree person before all this it makes this pain so much harder to deal with.

 

It can't be normal to be like I am at the moment and if it is I can't stand it any longer. I was thinking maybe I should go see my doctor see if he can give me something to help because I really can't cope for much longer…I'm not as strong as I thought I was.

 

UGH! – I'm so sorry you have had to deal with the same pain, I wouldn't wish this kind of feeling on anyone. Its nice to hear that you are getting on with your life, good on you for dating again, and it is encouraging to hear that things will get better in time, as difficult as that is to accept.

 

Do you think that they ever think of us and hurt over what they lost? Or have they really just written us out of their lives forever? I don't want him to be hurting like I am, I love him too much, but it would be nice to know that he still feels for me, even a little.

 

I was with my ex for 4.5 years and lived with him for nearly 3. We broke up in Dec last year but I only moved out of our place about 2 months ago and have had NC since then. There are loads of issues surrounding our relationship and the breakup, its complicated, feel free to have a look at my previous posts for details.

 

If it wasn't for this forum I think I would definitely have gone mad by now. I am so grateful to have found such caring people that understand. Thank you isn't enough

[manr]

you are strong casue u have come here and ur looking for answers to ur problems and ur looking for the steps, to help urself. That to me is awsome. u are doing good. it might feel as though ur failing but ur not. ur healing,

hang in there after u hit bottom theres only one way to go and thats up.

 

hang in there. there salways light at the end of the tunnel.

[UGH1607307217]

Hey Nix!

 

Yeah, I myself spent countless hrs, wondering whether he was sad because of the choices he made. But you know what...that takes energy, energy that I ran out of...feel free to find my posts, my story is out there, but long story short...up until a month ago (pretty much a solid month of NC) I was still going to his (our) house (the house was supposedly my engagement ring) to let our dogs out EVERYDAY, hell, I was even still dumping chlorine in the pool. And when I would go there and see all the new pool "floaties" and the grill moved back outside for the summer...I would wonder, did he ever once look around over the weekend hanging out by our pool with her and think, wow this just doesnt seem right without her? I dont know what they think...all I know is at this point (youll be here too ) I think, you know what...if youre regretting your decision at this point, its TOO late! Im now realizing Im better than that.

 

Yes I still have sad days, but let me tell you what, I am NOT the same person that I was August thru probably January.

 

One of our three dogs has come to live with me, that has helped And he takes care of the other two AND the pool, by himself. That was really making it difficult for NC. If you still have any issues, possessions, bills...details that need to be worked out, get it done. Not having to worry about having ties really helps.

 

Hang in there...i know i know... shut up with the hang in there!

 

UGH!