frustation!

[gata]

Hellooooooooo

 

I would like to get some feedback on my situation!

 

My husband and I have a very different way of showing our emotions and expressing feelings....

 

I always need him to show more emotions than he does.

I feel very frustrated about this because it's an everyday thing.

 

I need to hear some thing back please!

This is affection our relationship very much.

 

thanks for any suggestion.

[sonjam]

I recently read a very good book describing exactly your situation. It is called the 5 love languages link removed

 

This book will shed a lot of lite on the situation, and possible also help you figure out a way of helping him to see what it is you need, the trick is figuring out what is HIS love language. He probably thinks he's doing more than enough, but hes showing it in all the wrong ways (according to you!!)

 

It is an amazing thing, the way people show and receive love, and how every one of of need it in a different way.

[gata]

I totally agree with you!

Thanks for the suggestion.

I really think he thinks he is doing all "he knows"

 

The thing is how to deal with my frustration!

 

I am about to explode! I can't even stand sleeping on the same bed as him anymore!

 

Thanks again!

[sonjam]

Girl, I know how you feel. I often feel that way too. Thing is, he did not change, he was like this all along (i presume) and now only do you find out you actually need more....?

 

You will have to do some soul searching, and find new ways FROM your SIDE to communicate your desire. You will have to show him how to make you feel more loved. IT IS HARD WORK, becouse it would be like acting out of your normal behavioural pattern, and nobody is comfortable doing that, but if you do that, he will be forced to also act differently since he can't react to you in the normal way, which is not fulfilling to you. Does that make sense? It is sort of shock therapy, changing your behaviour, will shock you two out of your usual rut, and cause you to behave differently.

 

One of my favourite things is to order people around, or tell them what to do. They perceive it like bullets flying their way, and immediately go into self defence. This is becouse I am a very self suficient person, and gives the impression that I can manage well on my own, and does not need anybody's help. Naturally everybody assumes Im ok, and that I can manage. (from my body language)

 

What would happen if I had to burst out crying, and say I can't cope, I don't know anymore, I cant carry on, Im tired?? They would not know WHAT to do with me, since this is not my normal behaviour. BUT what would happen, is they would treat the situation differently than before, becouse I handled it differently. My hubby would probably tell me he loves me, give me hugs, and automatically start helping wherever he can (it actually works!!)

 

This is just an example of what Im trying to say, but you get the picture. How about trying to change your behaviour into a pattern that could get a more satisfying result? Please don't see this as manipulation, it is simply changing/modifying behaviour to get the best results, in making you a more fulfilled emotional person.

[Beec]

Don't know the book it may help.

 

But you are probably looking for things from him, that he does not give. While he is giving things to you, that you miss entirely. And vice versa.

 

Look at how he does communicate and what that tells you. The message may be there that you want to hear. He may just be sending smoke signals, while you sit by the phone.

[gata]

Thanks for your imput.

it's probably true! And maybe he even feels the same way too, he might think I dont' show him the way he is used to.

 

I really want to save my marriage, but the only way is to get this resolved.

 

How can I "hear" him more? I really want to talk to him but I dont' want to sound judmental.

 

I am starting to act like him, before I used to be so caring and hugging, smilling and giggling all the time, but now I feel so "cold"

 

soooooooooooooooooooooooo confused!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I really appreciate your time guys!

[Beec]

Not sure, but I think you need to understand the differences in how we communicate, etc.

 

If a guy says he loves you, he thinks you understand that means he does until further notice is given. In some of our minds, once a year is plenty. She should just know based on how we act that we still feel that way.

 

And remember guys don't bond by talking, we bond by doing. We sit at the gaem and talk about the game and that's bonding. We never talk about us.

[gata]

So do you think if I arrange more things for us to do together then we might accually be able to bond more?

 

it takes so much energy for me to do all this.

 

why is it that he just it's all okay?

 

do you know when you say a guys just say I love you until further notice? Do you guys feel it though? like when we would spend time together do you guys feel the connection, but you just dont' verbalize it?

[Beec]

like when we would spend time together do you guys feel the connection, but you just dont' verbalize it?

 

Absolutely.

[gata]

Thanks!

 

sonjam I sent you a PM