dise57 Posted June 13, 2003 Share Posted June 13, 2003 why is it after 3+ yrs a girl who always talked about marriage would want to be free and have fun w/her friends all of a sudden, at first not caring about any of the guys and now thinking she may like someone else. stalking and constant contact didnt help much, but its hard to keep emotions out of it. so now what? Link to comment
doblersdream Posted June 13, 2003 Share Posted June 13, 2003 Well, the 'stalking and constant contact' probably was the catalyst. Give her total space and get on with your life. Easier said than done (i know for a fact), but if she misses you she'll come back. Read other posts about the Pursuer/Distancer theory. Link to comment
pcardoso Posted June 13, 2003 Share Posted June 13, 2003 Hi, "Why?" That's a good question! If you browse some of the posts here, you'll find that some of us have the same unanswered question. You don't gave us much details about your present situation, but perhaps this is a temporary situation due to some tension on her life at the moment or she's afraid of next step or... perhaps she is "tired" of "constant presense". Right now, I think you should give her some space. Maybe alone, she can find herself and at the same time find out what she is missing. Meanwhile, you can giver her one or two calls only to see how she's doing and let her know you're still there. Good luck. Link to comment
dise57 Posted June 13, 2003 Author Share Posted June 13, 2003 well the thing is, after i havent talked to her for a while and met up with her, she seemed a little softened up, so i guess letting go does help in a way, but at the same time, the 2nd time i stopped harassing her, she met this new kid that she 'likes', and i dont even know if she really does or just told me that to get me off her back cus i couuldnt hold in my emotions after finding their pictures together and some information about them.. sometimes u have to risk the darkness to see the light huh? seems as though any time i see a bit of light at the end of the tunnel, it ends up being a train heading at me Link to comment
Hulk14 Posted June 13, 2003 Share Posted June 13, 2003 Maybe stalking is not the best answer....Have you spoken to her about this er other man...Maybe you should. Also what does it matter if she wants to go have fun with friends maybe she should have some nights off. you know what i'm saying? YEah i tihnk the best tihng to do is to talk to her and see how she feels. Good Luck L. Link to comment
dise57 Posted June 13, 2003 Author Share Posted June 13, 2003 well.. details.. umm.. we went out for 3+ yrs, long distance relationship (NY-Philly).. half a year ago after coming back from vacation we were both busy with our lives and she met some kid and didnt want to lie to me and broke up saying she lost feelings and maybe we're not compatible people (that cracked me up after hearing her tell me for 3 yrs how she wants to marry me and is so happy etc and cant imagine being w/anyone else). so then i ofcourse went crazy cus shes the only thing in my life that kept me going and started pursuing her, that didnt help. but leaving her alone, shes not going down the right path, her friends are bunch of sluts who try to take her out 24/7 and it doesnt seem like she has the time to kick back and realize anything. just seems like shes gettting deeper and deeper and yet we still have moments when she looks like shes about to cry and wants to tell me something but holding herself back, so hopefully after 3+ yrs she still has some memory of us, i dont know whats gona happen now though cus she got pretty pissed off that i confronted this 'new kid' that she told me she 'maybe likes'. and i was suposed to take her to upstate on a weekend in july, so i dont know if she'd still want to do that anymore, saying she cant take me putting my nose in her business 24/7 Link to comment
pcardoso Posted June 13, 2003 Share Posted June 13, 2003 Probably she is confused and hopefully she'll find the way right back to you. Like you said, 3 years aren't easy to forget. I know it hurts seeing someone we care taking the wrong choices, but you can't made decisions by her. You can give your opinion, but you can't stop her from being with her "friends" even they are so bad company. Right know you are hurt and confused, so my best advice is to concentrate and nurture yourself and give her the space she wants. When you decide you're ready, give her a call and see how things stand up. Link to comment
dise57 Posted June 13, 2003 Author Share Posted June 13, 2003 its just almost impossible to do anything while on her mind theres someone there that shes thinking about and not realizing the truth Link to comment
pcardoso Posted June 13, 2003 Share Posted June 13, 2003 I agree. So, at least for now, let her be and concentrate on yourself. Go out, make new friends... I know it's hard (i'm in that phase too), but like you said while her mind is on this guy, you don't have a chance. Meanwhile, with the distance, you can clarify your mind and thoughts… and when you think you're ready contact her… or, who knows, at that time you may have been able to let go and move on. Nothing is permanent in this world. Link to comment
dise57 Posted June 13, 2003 Author Share Posted June 13, 2003 you can lose hope, but you still gotta have faith. i dont live in a world with limits. its been about half a year already and i know for a fact that ill never be able to fully get over her. i did make new 'friends' and all that, but its just not the same anymore. its all about timing i guess, i hope she realizes everything sooner than later.. listening to the song "ill wait for you there like a stone" helps too.. Link to comment
pcardoso Posted June 13, 2003 Share Posted June 13, 2003 I'm in the same boat my broke up with my ex was also six months ago, and despite he is in another r/s, i'm not over him. Good luck Link to comment
dise57 Posted June 13, 2003 Author Share Posted June 13, 2003 how do you deal with the fact that hes with someone else now? how old are u anyway? wanna send me your pic? lol Link to comment
pcardoso Posted June 13, 2003 Share Posted June 13, 2003 Oh, it's hard, very hard indeed. I know it may sound a cliché but I'm living my life. I'm trying to follow the advice I gave you. Live my file, be with my friends, work in some new projects and clarifying my mind. Btw, I'm 28 Link to comment
dise57 Posted June 13, 2003 Author Share Posted June 13, 2003 i dont know, if they start going out, or w/anyone else, i dont think id' be able to deal with it, the thought of someone else being with her tears me apart. im 23 (but my mind is older lol) where are u from? Link to comment
pcardoso Posted June 13, 2003 Share Posted June 13, 2003 I do know what you mean. But if it is her choice, there's nothing you can do about. So, don't get obsessed with her, enjoy your life and live one day at the time. I'm from Portugal... a little and beautiful country in Europe (next to Spain). Link to comment
dise57 Posted June 13, 2003 Author Share Posted June 13, 2003 its hard to enjoy life knowing this.. u know.. yes i know where portugal is lol do u have a website or anything w/ur pic? just curious Link to comment
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