I think I'm going nuts...could somebody show me the way?

[scarface]

I've been up with a girl for about a year and a half. I'm 20 and she a bit older than me. Being stupid and dumb as I am I made some mistakes that caused me to lost the most precious thing in my life that was my girl. It's been 3 days since she broke up with me. I still love her and would do anything to get her back, I have tried to convince her with no success. I have never been so desperate and I cannot sleep since... At nigh I get so lonely and have nothing to do, nobody to talk to. I don't have many friends where I just move and I just get lonely and sick with my thoughts. I am so depressed nothing seem beautiful. I have some friends and family but they can't always be there. I just can't stand to be alone anymore. I want her back but I know it's impossible. I hate myself because it's my fault. Could you please give me as many tips as possible to get by the lonelyness and to get past my breakup. I know there is no magik solution and it may take much time to heal but what do you guys do to feel better when you got dumped? And also especially what do you do at night for not going crazy? Thank you all in advance.

[cutelilsongbird2]

im really sorry to hear that...i've been there before too so yeah...well youre right. its gonna take PLENTY of time to heal, after all it was a year and a half. its only been 3 days, u never no, yall may end up back together and maybe not. just remember time will heal...

 

as for the not going crazy...nights are ALWAYS the hardest! well you might look into finding a hobby. just get really involved with something that will take up a lot of youre time. or if your really desperate about it, get a night shift job, work all night, sleep all day, and when you're awake eat...and do that "hobby" that you can find. im sorry i cant help more! i really hope everything turns out ok for you! remember, EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!

 

much love~ Amanda

[heloladies21]

Well as long as you didn't cheat or do something really stupid like that (and I don't mean argueing about leaving the toilet seat up) then you have no reason to blame yourself. You were being yourself and that's all you can be in a relationship. Here's what I did when I got dumped, I came to this site almost hourly for a few weeks, connected with a friend who was going through something similar (and he turned into my best friend), hit the gym everyday, went shopping for some new clothes, and went out and partied it up. I even started talking to chicks in everyday situations and that's something I didn't have too much experience with. Most importantly I did No Contact and stuck to it like glue. I realized it gave me the best psychological position if I was going to get back with her and would also help me to forget her if she didn't decide to convince me to get back with her.

 

But don't expect her to want you back. If it happens it's gravy. Use the time during No Contact to heal. You'll be on top in no time then.

[HajiMaji]

Crap buddy, this is tough. I feel for ya.

 

Dedicate yourself to healing. Realize that just because you feel horrible now, in the future you will be yourself again. Its hard to believe that, but you gotta have that faith.

 

Sleeping is the hardest damn thing to do. Heres what i did. I moved my TV into my bedroom and watched the lord of the rings each night before i slept. This way i could SOMETIMES distract myself from dwelling in pain.

 

People will say its not a good idea to ignore the pain. This is true, but for me it was around me 24/7. I could barely do ANYTHING without thinking of my ex. So, the way i see it is in time you will work through this situation no matter what you do. Its ok to take little breaks from the pain any way you can - exlucuding drugs and alchohal. That is the worst thing you can do.

 

Also stop trying to get back with your ex. I did some desperate stuff to try to get her back. It took me a long time to learn this lesson. Try to understand shes gone. If that takes no contact, do no contact. I really think NC will help you in this situation.

 

Some of the worst times i had were when i was still trying to figure out what our relationship was right after the breakup. Lingering on like that is the worst.

 

Buy the movie "The Swingers" if you have 12 dollars to spare.

 

Time is a magical thing. So do what you can while time does its thing. For me, i bought a buncha comics and played a buncha video games. For me, it was hard to not focus on my situation, so if i could focus 20 minutes of my time into a video game, it felt nice. I could never focus more then 20 minutes of my time on something without feeling horrible again. Thats just how it goes. A few weeks later youll get 20 and a half minutes without thinking of her. Then eventually youll get 25 minutes. I promise time will take care of you, so just keep up the good fight.

 

Oh, and if your like me and your mind is going nutso crazy and you want to contact your ex in someway, dont. Write her letters, but never send them to her. It will help to get those emotions out, but it will make it worse to contact her.

 

I hope you got something from this. I didnt flow very well. I guess i got really excited to tell someone some things that might help them. What you are going through is extremely painful, and i feel for you completely.

[scarface]

This website really does help. I thank you guys for making the pain less terrible than it already is and seeing that in this day there are still people my age caring about a complete stranger makes me feel better about the world. Your comments are all very so much apreciated. I just don't know if I can cut contact with her. It seems almost impossible to do. You know I am a very very very determined person and I'm not used to give up that quick, in fact Ihave never gave up on something I believed in. This is the hardest thing I have to do because I still want to try despite I know I will certainly get hust over and over again. I will try most of the things you say. I will sign up with my local gym which I gave up a couple months ago because of a broken backbone. I will play a lot of video games since I have an xbox that's collecting dust and I really enjoyed playing when I was younger. I will buy lots of new clothes (according to the possible budget), mayby I will go out clubbin" learn to dance like a champ. I'll listen to music whenever silence come up. Whatch movies, call friends but I seriously don't want to bother them too much with my problem and become a rock to carry along with them. I find it hard to keep my mind off things, it's really hard to study and I've got an important exam today and lots of schoolwork coming up. I will try to speak to a lot of other girls but my choices are limited at school see I am a french canadian as you would call me and although I go to multiethnic school and since I tried girls from other races I loved it for an almost infinite list of reason. I am very much into black girls and latinas (I can't live without a thick butt) I know a lot of hatiens and I am used to go out with 'em. But I'm afraid my ex will scare them away or other girls will be shy to go out with me even though I know a lot of them find me attractive just because they talk to my ex. Anyway, I like this website and I will keep posting here much like a blog about the evolution of my healing. I know there will be times I will write desperate things and others where things will seem much better, if you like you are all welcome to give any comment or encouragements. So until next time I say goodbye. I will try to not go totally insane BUT IT'S SO HARD!!!!!

[scarface]

Hello you guys,

I just came back from school.

The fisrt thing I saw was her in the middle of the cafeteria.

I came in feeling not bad at all but from the moment I saw her it ripped my heart open.

I had trouble holding myself but fortunatly I did. After that I got an exam my heart couldn't stop beating so fast during the tree hours all I though about was her...

I'm not ready to qui trying...well I think.

During my exam I sent her an SMS from my phone it was in french but I can translate to something like > that's about it.

I decided I wanted to buy her an expensive jewel so that maby she will see that I am serious about what I say and I have no intentions to hurt her anymore.

I know you guys must be angry at me for not listening to you with the no contact rule but I CAN'T!

After my exam I passed in front of her class that was just starting when I was leaving, she saw me and screamed my in the stairs. I ran up to her and told her I was't feeling good, she told me that she had received my SMS from the afternoon and told me as I thought that was is it I am about to do...don't make a foolish thing...bla bla bla. After I told that I would definetly show her how serious I am about what I say (and no I don't wanna ask her hand) after she sees what I am about to give her she will realize... well I hope so.

After I asked her if she would get back in the same locker and she said that she will think about it. I gave her a hug and she followed.

What do you guys think I should do next?

[heloladies21]

You have to tell us what you think you did wrong friend. Buying her a gift will most likely push her away further and she will start to manipulate you soon. She will try and see just how far she can push you and play with your emotions until she gets bored with you and then she will jump to another man if she already hasn't started seeing another one yet. Just understand that by still communicating with her and "professing your undying love for her", you are actually pushing her further away at this point. If that's not a reason to take some time just to calm down at least by doing No Contact, I don't know what is.

[scarface]

First of all here is what I did wrong.

My personality isn't easy to live with. I made a lot of fights go very big for very little. I have said some hurtful stuff which was all unecessary and over time the girl just got fed up with it.

She is not a goldigger I tell you for sure, money and expensive things have never been much for her. She has never asked me for money or anything and she has always apreciated what I gave her even if I couldn't give anything much than a card because I was broke. That is not who she is and even less manipulative, I doubt very much she is seeing anotherone. I admit for once it was truly my fault I kind of killed all the love she had for me. My strategy is showing her that I can still be the same from the beginning of the relationship and buying her a big gift, I very doubt she will ever accept it but I know she will be impressed by the sacrifice that I did for her. That's all folks!

So you tell me I am pushing her further away. Ok then what do you suggest to bring her closer friend?

[heloladies21]

Nothing you can do will make her come back to you just like how I can't go up to some famous actress and make her fall in love with me. If you back off and do No Contact, there is a chance she could start to miss you and want you back, but this is not intended purpose for NC. And even if she's the nicest person in the world, she will see the gift as you trying to buy her love or buy her back. Not my logic, it's called chick logic and I've not only seen it before, but many times.

 

This is from my experience man, but the choice in ultimately yours...

[Rainz]

As hard as it is, NC is the way you're going to have to go. It's going to burn you trying not call her, see her, talk to her......We all have been through it.

The thing is, as you know deep down I'm sure, you can't make someone come back to you. They have to want to come back to you. No matter what you buy for her, or do for her, unless she wants to come back, nothing you do will make her.

Take it on a day by day basis at this time, you will notice as the time goes that you do start to find it easier.