Just an overall question of why he did this....

[eamulls]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We have only really had one other conflict up until now and that was about him wanting to be serious and me wanting to take things slow. Well we discussed this and took it slow, with both of our feelings in mind. We both let each other have our freedom and have both been very happy with each other. We have taken trips together, like to Chile to meet his family and up state to Dallas to meet mine. However in January I transferred schools from Texas to Ohio. We had decided that we would be able to stay together or to at least try it. We always spoke about how he couldn't wait for me to come home to him in the summer and even surprisingly talked about how he can't wait till we are ready to get married.

 

Anyways with only a 3 weeks left of school and me coming back home for good, he came up here to visit me. Only after the first day of being up here he sat me down and told me he wanted to be independent for a while. I had no clue, and neither did anyone of his friends, the only people that he talked to about this was his mother and father, only a week prior to his trip and our break up. He told me that he had never just been independent, he had always had a girlfriend and that he wanted to do this before settling down. He told me that I am perfect for him, but that we are both too young for how perfect our relationship it. He said he didn't want to call it a break because then he really wouldn't be independent.

We have still decided to remain friends; however, I still love him. I am willing to give him his space, let him date other people, just whatever will make him happy. I know that he risks losing me by doing this because I am not waiting for him and he knows that.

 

My problem is that I feel that he is perfect for me, what should I do? Should I just give him his space and just be friends and let him decide when he wants to get back together? Why did he do that, break up with someone he said is perfect for him? Is this just something that he will get out of his system in a few months?

[Hope75]

If you were so perfect for him he wouldn't be leaving you.

 

I think that is a cop out, an excuse because he isn't sure what he wants and if he tells you things like "you're perfect for me" that you will, whether you admit it or not, wait for him to some degree while he sows his wild oats, and then he gets to decide whether or not he will come back to you.

 

I don't trust what he's saying for a minute.

 

In one sentence you say you are willing to let him date other people and have his space because you love him, but then you say that you won't wait for him and he risks losing you. He dumped you. You are already lost.

 

If I were you I would not hold out for the chance he may come back, but instead focus on getting on with your future without him in it.

 

Sorry if this sounds harsh, I just think it is a load of bull when someone says this to thier sig. other.

 

Obviously you aren't perfect for him, or he'd still be with you.

[tabytha]

It's funny how you can be perfect for one another but the timings not right.

 

I called off my engagement because of that. The whole "in another world and another time..." scenario.

 

You might be perfect for him, but not right now. if he says he needs to be independent he needs to be independent, thats no reflection on you. We have dreams for ourselves as individuals and as partners. Some people might tell you that if you're compatible you can accomplish those together, but that rings of co-dependence to me. Somethings you really do need to do and be on your own for, its a personal thing.

 

The thing is when he's done being 'independent' you two may have both changed and grown. You may never again find this perfect contentment you once shared. You may find that it's bought you closer....

 

But you need to let that happen. Sometimes you need to let things go, no matter how ideal you thought the existing situation was. Because one part will forever wonder about 'what could have been'

 

Don't think of it as leaving you, think of it as him finding himself and wish him well.

 

You can love someone all you want, but you still need to be complete in yourself before you can give yourself entirely. maybe he's reaslised that.

 

Don't get bitter or paranoid. if you really shared so much, have faith that he's being honest with you. It's a very scary thing to break the comfort zone and strike out alone, but some people need to do it.

[eamulls]

Yes our break up happen almost 2 weeks ago. We all talked about the thing with the timing and my mother has helped me especially when she talked about how her and my father dated other people before they got married and even broke off the engament once becuase they we young. They just had their 26 this past March. I know we will still be close just as friends and we both understand that. I wish the timing would have been better, but who knows, maybe they will be 2, 5, or even 10 years from now. Thanks for the advice.

 

Also my Comp teacher had decided to assing our final semester paper to be abut relationship and I found that writing this paper has helped me through some tough late night/early morning. SO far I have writen about 3 papers about our relationship. I just haven't decided the direction i want to take. I love your reply, thank you.