i do need help about taking a break issue, please!

[reeves007]

hi friends, i'm really confused and need help. I've been dating with my girlfriend for over 5 months. She's older than me (she's 33 and i'm 29). In the previous months, she mentioned several times that she wants commitment and she cant just keep going out as girlfriend boyfriend. She wants to have a family and kids and so on. She says she loves me but not sure how strong it is. And she cant wait for another 5 months to see if she really loves me or not. Cause she cant truly understand her feelings when she's with me. And then she started talking about taking a break. She thinks this's the only way she can be sure about herself.

 

At the beginning, i didnt want that and she didnt push. But after a couple of times, i said ok. 2 weeks ago we took a break. Actually nothing's wrong between us. There's no any major problems about our relationship and we can have fun time anytime we're together. No arguments, no other problems. The only problem's she wants to get married and she just wants to make sure she does really love me. I love her and care about her and thats why i accepted to take a break. But its soooo hard. At the beginning she called me once or twice and i called her back. But recently she's not calling me and i dont call her too. But waiting for an unknown end is so painful. I feel lonely and sometimes even miserable. But of course i dont call and tell this to her.

 

sometimes i get so pissed off thinking that she's fine without me and she can go out and keep having fun. sometimes i think, obviously she's not thinking about me since she's not giving me a call. or maybe i'm just imagining.

 

if she wants to break up, why doesnt she just tell me straight. besides, i hate this situation. i dont know whats gonna happen and when its gonna happen. if she comes back one day and says ok lets keep going, i'm supposed to say ok. and if she comes back and says i dont love you that much, i'm supposed to say ok too! what a life. i have feelings too.

 

during the weekdays, she emails me daily from work and i email her back. just talking about the funny ecards or other fun stuff. nothing extreme but warm emails.

 

i dont know what to think. i dont know how i should feel. i cant act like my relationship has ended. cause it has not. but on the other hand, maybe she's just playing and it has ended and i dont know yet.

 

what should i do, or how should i feel? please help. especially info from female members are much appreciated. is this something common for ladies? also male members with similar experiences, please fill me in here.

 

thanks a lot....

[DN]

You are talking about what she wants. What do you want? Do you want to marry her and have children with her? If the answer is yes, have you told her that?

[nikhilgore]

Dn makes a very good point. Another thing that you should think about is that are ou willing to go through life without trusting her. I mean whats to say that after a few years of marriage that she feels like she needs a break again. The more clingy you get the more you will repel her. Go out have fun and if you feel that she is the one for you then go after her.

[passions1]

Try to understand some people need a break from the person or feel like that they truly miss them when they aren't around anymore to confirm that they do have strong feelings for them. While others they may not need to do this. Either way you do have to respect her wishes to take a break, but do not wait for in the meantime b/c you need to respect yourself & go out there to meet other ladies who are right for you as well to make those comparisons. If she returns great, if she doesn't then you know it wasn't meant to be & be glad that you didn't wait around for her! Don't put all your eggs in one basket.

[Hope75]

I have to say that if you need to leave your lover for a "break" to figure out if you really are in love with them, than most likely you are not really in love with them.

 

You guys have only been together 5 months, what is her rush? What do you want from this relationship? Do you want to marry her?

 

Given that she is a little older than you she may be feeling the push to get married, but 5 months is too soon, and she first put all this pressure on you, telling you she wants to marry and have children, and now she's pulled a 180 and claims to need space.

 

How do you plan to work on the relationship if she doesn't even call you?

 

If I were you I'd tell her exactly how you feel about her, what you want from this relationship. and if what she wants is not the same, cut your losses and run. She says she wants to get married, but her actions show she doesn't know what she wants, she sounds very confused.

 

Marriage should be about finding the right person and feeling that your life together will be better than life apart, it's a 50/50 compromise. It sounds like she is more in love with the idea of marriage that what it really means to marry someone.

 

It doesn't look too good if you ask me.

[heloladies21]

This is your life buddy and you can't sit around and wait for people to make up their minds forever. If you don't like being in this limbo, you should talk to her about it. Tell her how you feel about her and where you would like the relationship to go and ask her if that's something she'd be interested in. If she's still undecided, break up with her and go No Contact, no emails included. See if this encourages her to make up her mind. If not, then she never really loved you anyways.

 

And don't settle for being her penpal anymore. It's not a good idea.

[reeves007]

thanks for all the replies. when we talk about this marriage issue, i tell her that i want to spent the rest of my life with her but first i need to be sure that she's in love with me. Cause i cant just marry a person who doesnt really love me as much as i love her.

 

all i want to know is whether this break's really an honest way to figure out whats going on or she's just playing for a break up. we told each other that this break's also a part of our relationship and as i mentioned before, there arent any tensions between us at all. On the other hand, I dont want to play the dreamer guy thing.

 

maybe it's already over and i'm just trying to fool myself. but there must be a better way, a more respectable way, to end things. this uncertainty's the worst.