Day 10 of No Contact...feeling good and I think she is confused

[tavenger24]

Had the breakup talk two weeks ago. She said she wasn't ready for a relationship but I'm pretty sure it was due to me being needy and clingy for a couple of weeks towards the end. I get it and I own it. She suggested a "break" a few of weeks before but we were in contact almost daily still so it was pretty confusing.

 

She ended up abruptly leaving upset during the conversation so there was no official decision of next steps that night. I immediately went to No Contact because I saw no point in chasing/begging/pleading/etc. I just let her walk out and didn't chase. No texts, no calls, no nothing.

 

During the day we used to communicate exclusively on Skype. I put myself in away status the same day as the breakup and haven't officially gone back "online" since that day. She on the other hand has been offline but has connected almost daily since then even over the weekend. She connects briefly and then immediately goes back offline. I was the only account she had in there so I'm assuming she is checking to see if I have gotten back online. 10 days and 10 times she has seen me as "offline". What is the definition of insanity? ;)

 

Assuming she is pretty confused by my disappearing act but what choice did I have? She chose to end it so no reason for me to continue to be on Skype and be her safety net. Obviously I can't predict the future but I think it is pretty safe to say that "No Contact" definitely causes a good amount of confusion with the dumper. I still struggle daily but it is nice to feel like I do have a certain amount of control. I have no intention of contacting her again. She'll have to come to me.

[DanZee]

Well, you know, this wasn't a typical relationship, and she might have decided it just wasn't enough for her. You're in and out of the city. Sometimes you're there, sometimes you're not. For a guy, it's like, hey, I'm back in town, I'm staying with you for a week. She might have been thinking what kind of relationship is this where you're not there for weeks at a time, even though you chat on the Internet. You think the glass is half full, she thinks the glass is half empty. I think she's in conflict because half of her is saying she can deal with the situation, half a glass is better than nothing, her other half is saying this situation is impossible, it's still half a glass.

I'm guessing that your original fight was about commitment. She wanted you to commit. You didn't. So she's torturing herself about deciding to end it. That explains her actions. She wants to come back, but she knows it's not going to work.

[tavenger24]

I think it is pretty telling that she hasn't texted/emailed once to ask how I'm doing. Torture.

 

Day 12. I'm thinking about going online with Skype quickly so she can see that I'm open to talking? I believe that would be violating the NC rule though so holding back.

[tavenger24]

Well, you know, this wasn't a typical relationship, and she might have decided it just wasn't enough for her. You're in and out of the city. Sometimes you're there, sometimes you're not. For a guy, it's like, hey, I'm back in town, I'm staying with you for a week. She might have been thinking what kind of relationship is this where you're not there for weeks at a time, even though you chat on the Internet. You think the glass is half full, she thinks the glass is half empty. I think she's in conflict because half of her is saying she can deal with the situation, half a glass is better than nothing, her other half is saying this situation is impossible, it's still half a glass.

I'm guessing that your original fight was about commitment. She wanted you to commit. You didn't. So she's torturing herself about deciding to end it. That explains her actions. She wants to come back, but she knows it's not going to work.

 

Good observation and I appreciate you reading some of my earlier posts. It was actually kind of the other way around. She felt like I wanted something more serious and we were getting too serious. Said it wasn't possible to go from serious to casual.