simon_uk Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 When you are dumped and the person doing the dumping says I want you to be in my life all the time, you are the best friend I ever head. Do they actually mean it? I know its a tired old cliche and an easy let down etc but do they ever mean it? I am getting quite angry now because 1. I never expected us to split up, we were talking about a break and now it has come to a full blown break up and 2. If I really am her best friend (she doesnt have many) then how come she is doing NC? How come after 4 weeks she has never contacted me just to say, "hey how you doing?, hope you are coping" or sorry or anything? Why does it feel like we are complete strangers. Is it a pride thing, is it because she is being selfish (she thought I was) is it because deep down she hates me? Whats the purpose of them doing NC? Simon Link to comment
Mix Maxster Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 haha man this girl sounds classic. Breaks up with you, so she asks to be a part of her life so she can still have you fall head over feet to do things for her, but without the relationship. Also she doesn't contact you and treats you like you're not even there and i bet chances are if you were to bring this up with her that she'd get all stupid about it and say you're over-reacting or something. honestly man i bet she does want a friendship, but was probably looking for a puppet more so than a best friend. You're going to have to lay down the line and tell her what's going on. Say "look, if you're going to be my friend that's fine, but I expect friends to call and see how I'm doing. Otherwise this isn't going to work out" or something like that. sometimes they just need to do NC as a means to get rid of any lingering guilt that ensues from breaking someone else's heart. just don't get played is all i say. Link to comment
Nebular Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 I think she wants to be your friend...SOMEDAY. You cannot be friends right after getting dumped; it's not possible. SO that said, she may be doing one of the two things: She could have been just saying she wants to be your friend to let you down easy, which is a rotten thing to do: putting false hope in you. Or She could be serious, but wants to NC you for awhile to just let you heal. Make sure your feelings for her subside so that there is no confusion regarding what you guys are, should you become friends once more. I guess the way to handle this is to just let her do the NC, move on, and then when you're sure you're over her then you can talk again. LOL, I know that sounds like "Oh yea, I'll just do all that TODAY! I'll move on, zippity doo dah!" It'll take some time, yes. But NC actually (for me anyway) made it go much faster. I can now talk like friends to my ex, and I have a boyfriend too. Link to comment
Royltnxile Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 Simon, Again, my situation relates to yours. When I was tossed aside my g/f of course "still liked me" and wanted to "be friends"...etc...etc... I didnt fall for it and I think this really took her back because I think she expected that because I am a good guy, I would be just like "geee, thats great S___, we'll just be buddies"...and I think she assumed that I would keep involving her in my life activities. Wasnt going to happen. What she should have done before she pushed the panic button on our relationship was stepped back, and did an honest assessment of wether or not the quality of her life was better off without me in it. I know she didnt do this. I have numerous great female friends....girls who I have no romantic history with. What made her special is that we were always on the romantic level. I wasnt going to overnight accept a demotion into the "friend" category, so I withdrew. I think the reason she hasn't called me is because of her guilt and remorse for making a rash decision. She's a emotional whack job anyway and I"m probably better off. Be her friend, but be a very distant and removed one. Don't be at her beck and call and be so available to her. Don't return casual messages very often...etc...etc.....like I've told you....GIVE HER THE GIFT OF MISSING YOU!...she CHOSE to stomp on your heart, you didnt. Get into your own life, make new friends, meet new women. It takes awhile, but you'll get over this. I've found its best to just withdraw and wait. Never rule out your ex's return, but conduct your life like she isn't even a part of it. What was your life like BEFORE you started dating her? I bet is wasn't too bad...mine wasn't. Reconnect with the way you were before her and it goes along way to taking you mind off of things. Link to comment
Cecelius Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 When women say it, it means they enjoy knowing someone out there likes her so there is some ego support, her history is partly tied to you so she wants you around to remind her that she had a life, and because she feels guilty for dumping you. Link to comment
simon_uk Posted April 20, 2005 Author Share Posted April 20, 2005 Hi Roy God are situations are alike! My girls (ex) name is S--------- too! how bizarre! she is also an very emotional and has mood swings quite a lot not tomention other issues! Perhaps I am better off without her and I have been racking my brains and realised that I cannot changer her, only she can do that. I dont mean change her decision I mean change the way she has or her issues. She wanted me to put a ring on her finger at christmas and was disappointed that I didnt, she never told me this until afetr we split but she overheard a conversation I had with my friend. I had planned to giver her a ring tomorrow for her 30th. so I conclude a) she never really loved me and didnt really wnat a ring b) she wanted a ring and didnt get one at christmas so between then and the end of march, 12 weeks, she fell out of love with me? I find that hard to believe but then I have never just fallen out of love with somebody so I dont know c) she has met somebody else who fulfills her needs d) she hasnt fallen out of love with me but is hurting me because I idadvertantly hurt her. Anybody else any options they'd like to add? feel free! Link to comment
Rainz Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 I know everyone is different, but I'm a woman of my word. I don't believe in stringing people along, playing with people's feelings, building false hopes etc.....I wouldn't say something like that to someone I was breaking up with. If I did, I'd mean it and act on it. But that's just me. I don't think it's healthy to remain in contact as a friend to someone who's dumping you. People say it's to let you down easy etc......I personally just think it's insensitive and insulting to be told that. Like as if you don't already have your friends! As hard as NC is, just try and work with it, and take the necessary steps to pick your life back up without her. I know it's hard. I'm on nearly 4 weeks of NC with a guy who has shut down on me and walked out of my life with no warning, no explanation, no words of comfort, no nothing...it's like I never even existed. As if our whole relationship was meaningless. Link to comment
mshollywod Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 Royltnxile, baby..you hit it right on the nail. You stole the words from my mouth. Well put! Link to comment
codaaurora Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 I had planned to giver her a ring tomorrow for her 30th. so I conclude a) she never really loved me and didnt really wnat a ring b) she wanted a ring and didnt get one at christmas so between then and the end of march, 12 weeks, she fell out of love with me? I find that hard to believe but then I have never just fallen out of love with somebody so I dont know c) she has met somebody else who fulfills her needs d) she hasnt fallen out of love with me but is hurting me because I idadvertantly hurt her. Anybody else any options they'd like to add? feel free! Honestly? It sounds like she just wanted to be married more than she wanted to be with you. Her priorities are all messed up apperantly. But.....would you want to be with someone who not only gets so upset over such a life altering decision not going HER way (one way) that she would break up with you over it rather than TALK to you about it? Hmmm, I know I wouldn't want to be with someone like that. Marriage is a partnership...why would you want to force the hand of the other person to get it? Sounds like that was one of her reasons..... Link to comment
simon_uk Posted April 20, 2005 Author Share Posted April 20, 2005 Yeah and the thng is, she is STILL married to her ex wom she left just before she met me!!!!!! I think she got sick of waiting or not believing that I would. On the last day we were togehter she said you have got no intention of putting a ring on my finger or living with me! How little she knew! Patience really is a virtue! She could have had all she desired tomorrow! as could I! Link to comment
fantasia2004 Posted April 21, 2005 Share Posted April 21, 2005 I agree to early it still smarts. Right now let the hurt subside and focus on you give it time and see where it heads later. if it permits so. Link to comment
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